To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

Am I the only one who doesn't believe the update?!

Haven't RTWT but do DH s family have form for being difficult or being annoyed with you about things . If so even if you cancelled on your friend (DON'T ) ! You will probably find they will be annoyed with you about something else down the line . Go to your friends wedding and have a brilliant time

Me and DH booked our tiny family wedding with about 6 weeks notice, but we messaged all our family first to ask if they were free on that date before booking it! We didn’t say it was our wedding, we simply asked if they had any other plans on that day.

All your DH needs to say to them is “why didn’t you just check if we were free before booking it?!”

It’s only a problem if you let them guilt you. You have to, as they say, put your big girl’s pants on and say you’ve made a commitment and will stick to it. And would the family like it if you pulled out of something organised months in advance with them?

Well done @Watdidusay .

You should be proud of yourself. It's not easy standing up to controlling arseholes like this.

If you're right, that's on OP. I hope you're wrong.

OP, if you don't honour your commitment to your friend, especially since you are in the bridal party, you are a shit friend. In the bride's place, the friendship would be over for me.

I hope your update is right. That is the only right thing to do here. If the update is right, good for you. You made the right and fair decision. How your ILs choose to react is for them to deal with, not you.

Tough shit?

You have other plans.

Your SIL is ridiculous. You can’t let your friend down. That would be totally shitty.

Pleased you have let SIL.know you are not going. You have made the right decision. They know noe. They have disrespected you both and treated your husband appallingly. Let them come back if they will. Sense of entitlement is astonishing. Hope it all goes well.

Your husband can go to his sisters wedding surely? Only you need to go to your friends, yoh don’t drop out of being a bridesmaid. But your husband equally doesn’t need to be there,

People should read the OP's latest update

Which people. I read it, she said they are going, plural

Well done both for sticking to going to your friends wedding

That has absolutely nothing to do with what's going on for the OP 😂😂

Surely it’s still reasonable for you to go to your friend’s wedding and your husband go to his sisters?

I bet your friend will understand that he needs to put his sister first, and I’m sure she will be ok. I actually do think he should go to his sister’s wedding, even though the date has been sprung on you. His sister v his wife’s friend - I can see why his family might be peed off.

Yes.

You made a commitment. Your PIL shouldn’t make you feel that you have to prioritise them. You and DH are your own family unit now with your own set of loyalties and ethics. That doesn’t mean that the PIL don’t matter - you can still care about them, but they don’t get to dictate to you.

ETA - just saw your post about choosing to attend friend’s wedding! Great decision ❤️

I'd go to the one I agreed to first.

You have made the right decision!

What happened to the good old fashioned rule that once you committed to a social event you turned up, except for emergencies? The rule now seem to be I will turn up if I can be bothered or if nothing better turns up.

Your family are being rude and unrealistic. A in law is not real family. They are just some random person you are vaguely attached to because you married their brother. You have made a commitment and entered into some considerable expense. By staying with your original plans you are in the right and your family are in the wrong.

You have done the right thing. They sound absolutely batshit. Who does that? Then is so self-absorbed that they can’t understand you have a prior commitment?

Your OILs may be cross, but so what? They are going to have to suck it up. They are all being so unreasonable, I can’t even…

You’ve both done the right thing. You can’t back out of a wedding of a friend when you are bridesmaid this close to the event. I would have been devastated if a bridesmaid did that to me at my wedding. SIL and family will just have to deal with it. Hoping they see sense for your sakes as appreciate it’s a shitty situation but one of their own making unfortunately.

I find it hard to believe the DH has gone from pushing his wife to attend his sister's wedding, then OP updating at lunchtime to say she's leaning towards cancelling on her friend, then all of a sudden, by dinner time not only has she text the inlaws at lunchtime (I do believe that), but her DH has also text them that he won't be attending - eeeeshk. I don't believe the latter part.

He's had a very sudden change of mind, and honestly, I think he should be attending his sister's wedding. Her friend will understand as OP is the most important one to be at the friend's wedding.

Bridesmaids do not drop out of a wedding with six weeks to go. How the hell do your in-laws not understand that, @Watdidusay ?

Agree that ultimately there will be less fallout in the family if the husband goes to his sister's wedding. And that seemed to be the main concern throughout the thread.

If the sister cared that much they would have checked the date before booking with their brother, i can't even imagine who wouldn't do this if they were actually going to care if they came or not. I dont think the DH should go to the sisters wedding either

You've absolutely done the right thing.