To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

Don’t let your in-laws bully you.

You are a grown woman. Make your own decisions.

Although now I think about it, if PiL are such completely unreasonable people, it’s surely only a matter of time until they fall out with you over something, even if you manage to avoid a fall-out this time.

I think prioritise your friend. Good friends are precious and won’t fuck you around like these in-laws clearly will, your friend deserves your loyalty

It is not your sister’s wedding, it is your partner’s sister.

i think you should go to your friends wedding as planned unless you are willing to lose your friend. Your partner can make his own mind up.

I selected the wrong option by accident 😬

But.... your in-laws are being absolutely ridiculous.

I've read through all of your comments - they've been engaged 3+ years then suddenly spring a wedding on everyone with 6 weeks notice and want everyone to drop their plans? Absolutely the heck not. It's highly unreasonable to expect people to rearrange their life for a wedding on such short notice. I have kids in competitive sports and there's a high chance if someone sprung a wedding on me with 6 weeks notice I'd be unable to go.

Stick to your friend's wedding. It's been set in stone for ages. The in-laws can get knotted IMO.

You wouldn’t forgive a friend for attending your wedding without her husband despite huge family pressure for her to also not attend?

I’d say you weren’t much of a friend in that case tbh.

If he cancels the friend should only have an issue with him. Not the OP.

I wouldn’t cancel my friends wedding, especially if I was part of the wedding party.

it seems very odd to only send out invites to a wedding in 6 weeks, and demand you go even if you have other (rather important) plans.

Are your DH side of the family all narcissists by any chance?

Ask them are they planning on reimbursing you for all the money spent on your friends wedding if you pulled out?

You do what feels right, in this case I 100% think chose your friends wedding and your PIL can sulk about it.

Friends wedding. It’s unfortunate for sis in law but if she really wanted you there she should have checked the date was ok. Let dh do what he wants but you go and support your friend

I think it would be pretty bad to cancel on your friend who is counting on you and to whom you've made a commitment. If your SIL didn't even bother to run dates past close family when she is planning a wedding that SOON--that's on her. I agree with other posters, your husband can go to his sister's wedding. If people are mad at you, that's their problem.

If you were my friend, close enough to be my bridesmaid, and then you pulled out for this reason, that would be the end of our friendship.

You go to your friends and your husband goes to his sisters?

We had a similar situation a few years back BIL had a short notice wedding on a date we were on holiday abroad. My thought process was if it was that important that we are there they would have checked with us prior to booking their wedding.

Yes, exactly.

Have you decided what you’re going to do OP?
You can’t cancel on your friend. If it makes your in-laws angry, so what? Let them be angry.

You are a bridesmaid, you can’t cancel 6 weeks before.
how would you feel if you friend that to you?

DH family are being unreasonable. Politely say you’re sorry and it’s a shame for the clash, but you can’t decline the other one, it would be rude and let them seethe if they need to. They’ll get over it. If they don’t that’s on them not you

I joined this thread on page 24, having only read the OP's posts at that stage. I've now read through the whole thread and what this is @Watdidusay, is 27 pages of posters, bar the odd few, telling you that the right thing to do is to attend your friend's wedding. I hope this sinks in and you realise how inappropriate your in-laws demands are, and how awful it would be for your friend if you cancelled at this stage.

By choosing your friend you'll not only be showing your loyalty to her but you'll also show your in-laws that you have some self respect and are holding true to your values. Your in-laws are never going to treat you respectfully if you don't respect yourself enough to stand up for what's important to you. Honouring commitments, being a loyal friend and having the good manners not to cancel at this late stage should be important to you. Be calm but firm when you tell the in-laws that you're attending friend's wedding and there isn't any point in discussing it further with you.

It is surely SILs fault for leaving it so late. I'd stick to your original promise.

No one gives out wedding invites just 6 weeks in advance.

Sounds like you weren't part of the original guestlist, and was just invited as an afterthought to make up numbers.

Go to your friends wedding.

I'm with everyone else in that you should go to your friends wedding.
You dh is asking if you'll consider going to dsil wedding because if he goes without you.. he'll get it in the neck.
Consider this op...they sound a pretty awful family anyway so if they weren't having a go at you about the wedding situation it would be something else.
I say Fuck 'em and have a lovely day being a bridesmaid.

You are in the wedding party. You cannot cancel that.

This is indeed quite the dilemma, but what swings it for me is that SIL has form for this kind of behaviour and PILs insist on compliance with her whims. So for me this would be the point at which the boundary line would go down. You are so disappointed at the diary clash, but you have a prior engagement that you simply cannot get out of. This does of course require DH's full agreement because it only works if you both go to the other wedding. In a normal family DH could go to his sister's wedding and you could go to your friend's wedding and everyone would understand, but this all sounds a bit more toxic than that.

You can't keep everyone happy. So do the right thing, and go to your friend's wedding. Let your DH make his own decision about whether to come or not. If your friend is upset about you coming alone then that's a friendship perhaps not worth keeping. By the sounds of it his family are a nightmare on legs so who cares what they think, they're never going to be happy with anything you do.

OP isn't going to attend her friend's wedding either, even though she is a bridesmaid. Her DH is pressuring her and she has caved.

It's OP dropping out at such short notice that her friend probably won't forgive.

You have committed to something so you honor that commitment

the family didn’t check first with you about the date so they don’t really care about your presence anyway

they will forget about it when the divorce