To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

@Watdidusay does the family know that you are a bridesmaid at your friend's wedding? Are they unable to compute that it is a massive commitment that you need to honour?

Do you realise that if you let them bully you into complying now they will continue to bully you?

Put your big girl pants on and decline the invitation, and sod the fallout.

I'm starting to wonder about how genuine this post is.. on what planet would the bridesmaid's husband not attending be the same as a bridesmaid pulling out? If anything I would appreciate you still making the effort and splitting up to attend both events.

Obviously you are free to do whatever you want to do, but letting your friend down because you'd rather go to your SIL wedding is a dick move, it sounds like that is your plan, so if that is the sort of friend you are you may as well pull out.

Not your sister. Go to friend's wedding. SIL is not your friend. DH can go to hers . Friend will never forgive you for not going. ILs will find something else to be mad at you about anyway if you go to SILs wedding.

A friend came to my wedding when it clashed with her cousin's wedding. I think she had the invitation for mine first - and thought it would be more fun!

I think if you've already made plans to go to another wedding, that trumps it.

Who on earth does that anyway (send an invite so short notice)? But we had it happen to us - we were invited to someone's wedding 3 weeks out (friends, not family) and we'd already booked a trip away. We were disappointed not to go but couldn't cancel the trip - this was when we were much younger and couldn't suck up the lost money.

It happened with another friend as well but that was only an evening invite.

If they really want you to go they would check your availability first. DH needs to grow a pair and say that to them. They can't have their cake and eat it.

You cannot possibly cancel on your friend - that would be appallingly, unforgiveably rude. So what if the in-laws are angry at you - let them be angry, but don't let them make you be a horrible person to your friend.

That’s their look out. Your SIL should have better manners. Outrageous behaviour. Don’t let your friend down.

@Watdidusay If you have mutual friends at the friend's wedding and you pull put, be prepared to lose more than one friend.

Where is your backbone? Where is your moral fibre?

@Watdidusay I think you have to go to your friend's wedding. She's a close friend, you're a bridesmaid, you've paid for it all and it's too close to the date to leave her in the lurch now - are you seriously considering cancelling on her? I really don't think you can at this stage, it would be an awful thing to do.

Tell your in-laws that you have to go to your friend's wedding, explain this is someone close to you. They can't dictate your lives like this, do you normally jump to attention and follow their demands, no matter how unreasonable? Of course family is important but so are friendships. Your in-laws, by demanding you attend no matter what, are not treating you with respect. If your attendance is so important to them, why didn't they check dates with you before booking?

Don't let your friend down.

Nice try justifying cancelling to yourself. If he doesn't go it's unfortunate but if you don't you're a shit friend.

Aw family comes first, OP! And you can’t have your husband getting upset.

You are committed to your friends wedding and it would be unfair to her to pull out. Plus you have already paid a lot of the expenses. You go to her wedding. Ideally your husband goes too because he has said he will and it would be rude to pull out now, it will look as if he got a better offer.
PILs need to be told that sadly neither of you can attend SIL wedding as already committed. If they don’t like it then so be it.

That's a toxic mindset all round and there's no better time to stand up to it than now.

Of course you shouldn't miss your friend's wedding. Let them be angry. It's ridiculous behaviour - surely it should only make you more determined to hold firm.

In-laws don't get to make anything clear to another adult with agency over their own life.

That's an outrageously rude thing to say to you; the only possible response is "but I can, and I will". And that's your definite answer.

What are they going to do about it? I really wouldn't want them in my life after that. Don't be a doormat.

surely it should only make you more determined to hold firm.

It really should, I don't why you're even contemplating pulling out of your friend's wedding @Watdidusay , your in-laws behaviour should make you all the more determined to be there for your friend.

You both go to your friend’s wedding as already planned.

You’re going to be a bridesmaid for your friend. No way would I back out of this. Your in-laws can do one cheeky fuckers!

I think you should both go to friends wedding.

Not just the cost but also you’ve made a commitment.

SIL has been incredibly rude only giving 6 weeks notice and now the pressure they are putting on you is obnoxious.

But if needs must the DH goes to SIL

You can’t pull out of friends.

Spend the day APART- or are you joined at the hip ( or don't you tryst him not to flirt with the Bridesmaids)

I wouldn’t cancel friend’s wedding. If SIL was bothered about your availability she should have checked if people were available if booing a wedding at such short notice.

I think your friend will be much more upset if you both pull out than if only your DH does!

Really your DH should go with you to your friend’s wedding too but if he really wants to go to his sister’s wedding at least you’ll still be there for your friend.

Pay no mind to your in laws, they are batshit!

WTF 🤣 bonkers reply

i realise its a difficult situation but i think it would be really awful to not go to your friends wedding esp as you're in the bridal party. by all means let your DH go to his sisters (hopefully your friend will understand about this) but i don't think you should let your friend down.

In your shoes, I’d attend my friend’s wedding with no guilt. Send your H to his sister’s wedding. Yes, maybe your friend will be disappointed your H isn’t coming, Im sure she will understand. At least that way you won’t lose all your ££££. Yes, H’s family may be upset with you but frankly they have little genuine cause to feel this way, and I’d leave them to deal with their egos.

This is one of those times when there is going to be some fallout whatever you decide to do. So I’d choose what works best for you and not the rest of them!

Stop talking to them about it. Just say we’re already away that weekend. We would have loved to have but we have flights etc booked and I’m a bridesmaid.
Then stop entering into convos about it.

I would also have your husband come with you. His sister would have asked earlier if she wanted you to both be there let’s be honest.

Is this some sort of cultural thing where your in laws get to boss you about ? I can’t imagine my mil daring to say things like that to me.