Page 23 | To cancel going to friends wedding

Watdidusay · 2026-09-12T20:18:52+00:00

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party. Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time. Different part of the country. Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £. AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

SALaw · Yesterday 14:38

Watdidusay · Yesterday 12:03

So many people have said let DH go to SILs wedding but I know my friend will still be upset at the cancellation from DH. If it's inevitable then I am weighing up if it's a much of a muchness if we both cancel and go to SILs wedding as one is cancelling anyway. I paid for my bridesmaids dress anyway so she won't be out on that. I feel like I can't really win here.

Why ask the question if you clearly plan to ignore the vast vast vast majority of people saying you should be going to the friend’s wedding, and if you are not prepared to go to a different wedding from your husband then he too should be going to the friend’s wedding?

Happytaytos · Yesterday 14:39

Definitely go to your friends. DH can make his own decision. Your friend won't be half as annoyed as if you both didn't go.

KiwiFall · Yesterday 14:39

If I was your friend and you pulled out at the last minute I would be devastated and it would tell me how much I mattered to you.

Your in-laws and husband will also know guilt tripping you to do what they want works and it won’t be the last time.

WearyAuldWumman · Yesterday 14:43

Silverbirchleaf · Yesterday 12:18

You don’t cancel being a bridesmaid!

Maybe do plan C. Go to neither wedding and go on a luxury cruise abroad.

Only kidding, you be the bridesmaid and dh goes to His suster’s wedding.

This is the only solution. (Well, the DH could miss his sister's wedding, but given that he's not wanting to cause upset he can go to her wedding on his own.)

dippy567 · Yesterday 14:46

Surely if your attendance so important they should've checked your availability?

You can't bail on friends wedding - v bad form!!

rainbowstardrops · Yesterday 14:56

Watdidusay · Yesterday 12:03

So many people have said let DH go to SILs wedding but I know my friend will still be upset at the cancellation from DH. If it's inevitable then I am weighing up if it's a much of a muchness if we both cancel and go to SILs wedding as one is cancelling anyway. I paid for my bridesmaids dress anyway so she won't be out on that. I feel like I can't really win here.

I can’t believe you’re still dillydallying over this! It really is a no brainer which wedding you should go to.
Put your big girl pants on and tell your in-laws that it’s way too late to back out of your friend's wedding now.
Jeez.

LongDarkTeatime · Yesterday 14:57

If you are forced to pull out of being your friend’s bridesmaid, what next? What is the new limit on what you have to accommodate for them?

Heylittlesongbird · Yesterday 14:58

Watdidusay · Yesterday 12:03

So many people have said let DH go to SILs wedding but I know my friend will still be upset at the cancellation from DH. If it's inevitable then I am weighing up if it's a much of a muchness if we both cancel and go to SILs wedding as one is cancelling anyway. I paid for my bridesmaids dress anyway so she won't be out on that. I feel like I can't really win here.

I’m sure she’ll be upset, but not as upset as if neither of you go.

Personally, I think you should both be going to friends wedding. But if your husband feels obligated to go to his sisters so be it.

Please don’t let your friend down.

Jungfraujoch · Yesterday 14:58

Have I got this right? You are a bridesmaid for your friend? In which vase you absolutely go to her wedding! Your inlaws are bonkers for expecting you to canx. As everyone has said the compromise is your DH goes to his sister’s wedding alone. Let them sulk
about it but I would be very clear that you aren’t letting your friend down! If you were ‘just’ a guest then maybe your friend would understand your dilemma but as alshe asked you to be her bridesmaid she obviously thinks a lot of you so you cannot let her down!

kombuchabucha · Yesterday 14:59

Watdidusay · Yesterday 12:03

So many people have said let DH go to SILs wedding but I know my friend will still be upset at the cancellation from DH. If it's inevitable then I am weighing up if it's a much of a muchness if we both cancel and go to SILs wedding as one is cancelling anyway. I paid for my bridesmaids dress anyway so she won't be out on that. I feel like I can't really win here.

Yes I'm sure your friend will be disappointed your DH can't attend if he goes to SILs wedding, but I doubt that would compare to how she'd feel if you (someone in her wedding party!) dropped out. It's not much of a muchness at all.

Apologies if I'm wrong on this, but are you one of those people who can't attend social events without their other half?

I've been to many weddings without my OH and he's been to many without me, because most of our friends got married after we'd already had kids and if they weren't invited, we couldn't both go.

bellhawk · Yesterday 15:01

Friend comes first. If SIL wanted you there she should have sent save the dates well in advance.

Nomura · Yesterday 15:02

This might not be the popular opinion but I’ll say it plainly: @OP, attend your sil’s wedding. Even with the short notice, you go because marriage is significant, & because nurturing in law relationships strengthens your own family’s future. A wise friend will understand and won’t hold it against you. In law dynamics can be delicate, yet they’re crucial to the long term harmony of a marriage. Missing your friend’s wedding may cause hurt, missing your sil’s will ripple through the entire family and won’t be forgotten.

Of course, some posters will tell you to snub the invitation, stand your ground, & enjoy the weekend with your friend. That's easy advice to give when they don't care about the consequences. But when those decisions start creating tension in the family, & a few years down the line you're posting about why your mil excluded you from a christening or why relations have become strained, those same people will be telling you to go no contact, set boundaries, or get a divorce. It's always easier to burn bridges when it's someone else's family and someone else's marriage.

PyongyangKipperbang · Yesterday 15:04

Nomura · Yesterday 15:02

This might not be the popular opinion but I’ll say it plainly: @OP, attend your sil’s wedding. Even with the short notice, you go because marriage is significant, & because nurturing in law relationships strengthens your own family’s future. A wise friend will understand and won’t hold it against you. In law dynamics can be delicate, yet they’re crucial to the long term harmony of a marriage. Missing your friend’s wedding may cause hurt, missing your sil’s will ripple through the entire family and won’t be forgotten.

Of course, some posters will tell you to snub the invitation, stand your ground, & enjoy the weekend with your friend. That's easy advice to give when they don't care about the consequences. But when those decisions start creating tension in the family, & a few years down the line you're posting about why your mil excluded you from a christening or why relations have become strained, those same people will be telling you to go no contact, set boundaries, or get a divorce. It's always easier to burn bridges when it's someone else's family and someone else's marriage.

Given that the relationships with the ILs are already toxic I dont think whether OP goes to the wedding or not will make much difference. With people like this, it never does.

But she will need her friends when it all goes to shit with her husband, which it will if continues to put her second to his mother's and sister's demands.

2chocolateoranges · Yesterday 15:05

If I were your friend I would be ok with your dh cancelling to go to his own sisters wedding , I’d be mighty pissed off if you as a bridesmaid cancelled and pulled out of my wedding

You made the commitment to your friend, you have plans on that day already, your in laws need to accept it.

everytime they mention it you reply, I have a previous commitment!

im sure your sil would be pissed off if one of her bridesmaids cancelled on her to go to another wedding.

Shloopie · Yesterday 15:06

Nomura · Yesterday 15:02

This might not be the popular opinion but I’ll say it plainly: @OP, attend your sil’s wedding. Even with the short notice, you go because marriage is significant, & because nurturing in law relationships strengthens your own family’s future. A wise friend will understand and won’t hold it against you. In law dynamics can be delicate, yet they’re crucial to the long term harmony of a marriage. Missing your friend’s wedding may cause hurt, missing your sil’s will ripple through the entire family and won’t be forgotten.

Of course, some posters will tell you to snub the invitation, stand your ground, & enjoy the weekend with your friend. That's easy advice to give when they don't care about the consequences. But when those decisions start creating tension in the family, & a few years down the line you're posting about why your mil excluded you from a christening or why relations have become strained, those same people will be telling you to go no contact, set boundaries, or get a divorce. It's always easier to burn bridges when it's someone else's family and someone else's marriage.

Or what about when she's posting about feeling isolated from her in-laws and sadly doesn't have any friends to turn to because she jettisoned them in the hope it would improve relations with the in-laws...

Jungfraujoch · Yesterday 15:09

PyongyangKipperbang · Yesterday 15:04

Given that the relationships with the ILs are already toxic I dont think whether OP goes to the wedding or not will make much difference. With people like this, it never does.

But she will need her friends when it all goes to shit with her husband, which it will if continues to put her second to his mother's and sister's demands.

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Agree!

godmum56 · Yesterday 15:09

Nomura · Yesterday 15:02

This might not be the popular opinion but I’ll say it plainly: @OP, attend your sil’s wedding. Even with the short notice, you go because marriage is significant, & because nurturing in law relationships strengthens your own family’s future. A wise friend will understand and won’t hold it against you. In law dynamics can be delicate, yet they’re crucial to the long term harmony of a marriage. Missing your friend’s wedding may cause hurt, missing your sil’s will ripple through the entire family and won’t be forgotten.

Of course, some posters will tell you to snub the invitation, stand your ground, & enjoy the weekend with your friend. That's easy advice to give when they don't care about the consequences. But when those decisions start creating tension in the family, & a few years down the line you're posting about why your mil excluded you from a christening or why relations have become strained, those same people will be telling you to go no contact, set boundaries, or get a divorce. It's always easier to burn bridges when it's someone else's family and someone else's marriage.

one word.
Danegeld.

ForGreyGoose · Yesterday 15:17

Weighing up if it's much if a muchness to both not go ? Let me be clear. You are being BULLIED. Please do not betray your friend. Stand up for yourself. It is clear who is in the wrong here as everyone has told you so, but it's also clear you're going to give in to the demands of your husband's family. What a shame for your friend letting her down at the last minute and causing her so much upset.

fluffiphlox · Yesterday 15:19

I’d be saying that I had a prior commitment going back months which I couldn’t ditch for something giving me six weeks’ notice. Apologies etc but I wouldn’t let my friend down.

WildLeader · Yesterday 15:30

Watdidusay · 12/09/2026 21:35

It's my parents in law who are angry

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Tell them that their anger is misplaced and it’s not your fault that you aren’t free

can H go without you? Would he want to?

RampantIvy · Yesterday 15:31

Nomura · Yesterday 15:02

This might not be the popular opinion but I’ll say it plainly: @OP, attend your sil’s wedding. Even with the short notice, you go because marriage is significant, & because nurturing in law relationships strengthens your own family’s future. A wise friend will understand and won’t hold it against you. In law dynamics can be delicate, yet they’re crucial to the long term harmony of a marriage. Missing your friend’s wedding may cause hurt, missing your sil’s will ripple through the entire family and won’t be forgotten.

Of course, some posters will tell you to snub the invitation, stand your ground, & enjoy the weekend with your friend. That's easy advice to give when they don't care about the consequences. But when those decisions start creating tension in the family, & a few years down the line you're posting about why your mil excluded you from a christening or why relations have become strained, those same people will be telling you to go no contact, set boundaries, or get a divorce. It's always easier to burn bridges when it's someone else's family and someone else's marriage.

Please ignore this "advice"

Ineffable23 · Yesterday 15:33

Go to your friend's wedding. She will definitely be less hurt by your DH pulling out, if he feels he has to, than both of you.

WildLeader · Yesterday 15:34

HollyIvie · Yesterday 12:09

I think if you cancel your friends wedding at such short notice, you may have to be prepared to lose a friend. Its a very difficult situation.

Agree, the family will cope/recover

@Watdidusay all you have to say is I don’t break promises I’ve already made (and paid lots for) nor do I let people down who are counting on me. Sil needed to respect our Time more and ASK about availability or with such a last minute invitation to understand that not everyone will be able to make it.

repeat broken record stylee

WildLeader · Yesterday 15:35

PyongyangKipperbang · Yesterday 15:04

Given that the relationships with the ILs are already toxic I dont think whether OP goes to the wedding or not will make much difference. With people like this, it never does.

But she will need her friends when it all goes to shit with her husband, which it will if continues to put her second to his mother's and sister's demands.

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Very wise post here @Watdidusay

GardenAnarchist · Yesterday 15:37

Watdidusay · Yesterday 12:03

So many people have said let DH go to SILs wedding but I know my friend will still be upset at the cancellation from DH. If it's inevitable then I am weighing up if it's a much of a muchness if we both cancel and go to SILs wedding as one is cancelling anyway. I paid for my bridesmaids dress anyway so she won't be out on that. I feel like I can't really win here.

@Swirlyreds You were spot on 🎯

The OP was just looking for justification for her poor, weak decision. Unfortunately she's failed in her quest.