To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

It is really horrible of your in laws to want you to dump your friend on her wedding day. They clearly don’t care how she would feel being let down last minute by a close friend and member of her wedding party, or how you would feel about the fall out. You have the potential to lose a friend over this but all your selfish parents in law couldn’t give a shit about that. That in itself would make me angry enough at them that I’d stop caring about their opinion. If your SIL was that bothered about you being at her wedding, she’d have either asked your availability before booking or she’d have told you the date months ago.

Dont shit on your friend. Let the nasty in laws be angry. They don’t care much about you so they will get over it.

As they are already living as a married couple, this is really just a party. You should both go to your friend’s wedding, as planned.

This!

Stick with the original plan and go to your friends wedding. Your DH goes to his sisters. Do you have children hence he's asking you to reconsider as he knows he will end up with the kids?

Either way tell your friend so she can readjust seating plan!

Your DH sounds like a dick.

You need to tell him simply that you are not pulling out of the wedding party but he needs to do whatever he feels is best. That you are not going to discuss it again and it’s a major turn off every time he brings it up.

I honestly wouldn’t give a shit if my PIL were pissy.

I'd stop messing about and call the SIL directly. Tell her you are happy for her and would have loved to have been there, but you're in a wedding party already on that day. Hopefully she doesn't feel as worried about it as the inlaws do.

You go to your friend's wedding. Your DH and your children go to the family wedding.

The easy answer to that is, “no, I have a prior engagement that day”

Oh wow
He's being so ridiculous.

No you won't consider it.

He needs to tell his family to stop being dickheads who are emotionally abusive.

If they throw a tantrum let them.

You can live as hostages to this kind of shite.

Tell DH to grow:

A spine
Some balls
Some morals

Friends wedding for sure, especially as already paid, part of wedding party. I think your DH needs to manage his parents emotional guilt tripping and anger towards you as inappropriate towards an adult. They should respect your decision and prior plans. Also disagree that family can treat you with disrespect and inappropriately and still expect to come first above friends. That may be their value, but doesn’t have to be yours. You’ll likely lose a friend over not going, and I think you need to be stronger with your husband that this is your decision, he needs to stand up for and manage his parents being disrespectful of you. You’re an adult for gods sake, not a child. And with that in mind, spend some time reflecting on why you need their approval so much when they are being so unreasonable and controlling. Accept you can’t please them here and it’s ok to have difficult conversations, hold your own values and beliefs and accept they won’t be happy with this. Don’t let them control you.

I’d do this too. And let the kids go to their aunts wedding (as long as they aren’t in your friends). Divide and conquer!

No you won’t. You will be going to your friends wedding that you’re actively part of! Husband can go to his sisters.

You’re in the Friend’s wedding party, unless you want to ruin the friendship then stick with your plans. Then DH can go to his sister’s wedding. Take no shit from PIL, SIL risked this situation by leaving it until the last minute - keep bouncing the criticism back with facts.

Would not attend sisters wedding. Her lack of planning is her responsibility. Not yours. Of course they must assume that people have plans if they give such short notice.

Yes.

its absolutely illogical and wrong of him to ask OP to cancel the other wedding.

I agree.

I'd definitely ring PIL myself to say why I can't go rather than rely on someone who's pressuring me to go to get the message across.

You should definintely attend your friend's wedding. Letting her down would be absolutely awful. You are in the wedding party and your friend would be so hurt if you pulled out. It would probably mean the end of your friendship.

'Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding.'

How dare your PILs and your SIL be angry with you when they booked the wedding at massively short notice and didn't check anyone's availability. They sound like horrible people and I certainly wouldn't cancel a long-standing previously booked important event for these dickheads.

Go to your friend's wedding. It was planned and booked first. You don't need to cancel a good friend's wedding attendance for some spoiled family member. Good friend's are hard to find. You could potentially jeopardize your friendship if you cancel.

Your DH can go to thr family wedding.

Don't be bullied into a corner by a family who has zero awareness and wishes to control what you do. It's their problem they planned a wedding so late and gave little notice for attendance.

I hope your friend has a lovely wedding day and I hope you enjoy it too.

YABU. You've committed to the wedding you are going too. Their fault for sending invites only 6 weeks in advance and expecting everyone to be free.

Gosh what a bunch of wet lettuces your dh and in laws are. Just go to your friends wedding as planned unless you want to lose her as a friend. Who cares what your sil thinks.

But you know that you aren't a horrible person. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. It's your PILs who are being awful, not you. What does your DH think about their bullying behaviour? I hope he is sticking up for you.

I'd point blank refuse. It's their fault for leaving it so last minute. I'd send a message to SIL and the in-laws saying that your friend's wedding has been booked for months, you are part of the wedding party and you won't be letting your friend down at this late juncture, also, you won't be entertaining any further discussion about it.

If you don't draw a line, they'll go on and on about it. Let them whine.

That was my take on that too.