To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

Yep, I called it early as well. Before her latest update I even said this was clearly all about her husband and then she mentions that he’s putting pressure on her…and there you have it 😂

Then family are being very unreasonable. Push back hard on this bullying or they will pull stunts like this again and again for ever.

Decent people go to the event they accepted first.

Is he often a selfish twat like this?

Not a difficult decision IMO, but then I wouldn't care if the parents-in-law were angry about it. Let them be angry.

You may be family but if your not that close you didn't even know there was a wedding coming, it is very likely.your friend will miss you not being at her wedding more than your SIL will. Your in-laws will get over you attending your friends wedding.

It’s only a problem if you let it be.

No one in their right mind would pull out of a wedding in which they were in the wedding party to attend another wedding. You would only pull out if your DC was seriously ill or similar. This is Bridezilla behaviour at its best.

Sorry for him, and him having that family, but no.

You should absolutely keep your commitment by going to your friend's wedding. And you should feel no guilt over doing so.

You'll regret letting them emotionally manipulate you into letting your friend down. All for nasty in-laws who are going out of their way to make you feel bad for them and pressure you into letting your friend down.

This is all on the SIL for not telling you and your DH the date of her wedding in advance, or even when she was mulling over dates would have been a much wiser idea.

My sibling didn't go to my wedding as she had already committed to go to her friend's, and I was absolutely fine with that!

Don't lose your friend for them, they aren't worth it. And your DH needs to wise up and make it clear to his parents & sister that you won't be there! He's not helping the situation by trying to fight their battle for them.

Feel no guilt.....

Unless you're in an abusive relationship and disappointing your in-laws could put you in danger, it simply doesn't matter if they are angry.

It's definitely not a good enough reason to let down a friend close enough to have you in her wedding party. You've made a commitment and you can't let her down to avoid conflict. That would be unbelievably shitty.

If SIL wanted you at her very last minute wedding, she should have checked you were free 🤷‍♀️

Your husband's family is nuts, I'm afraid. Clearly you should go to your friend's wedding, though I think your DH should go to his sister's wedding (even though it's ridiculous that she's scheduled it without checking with her closest family first). Express disappointment that you'll miss SIL's wedding, but say that you'll be wishing them well from afar and be looking forward to seeing the photos, etc. If they fall out with you over this, that's on them. DH needs to man up and simply repeat that you're your own woman and make your own decisions.

Indeed. Decent people would.

Tough. They should have given you reasonable notice.

That’s awful, he shouldn’t be doing that.

Culturally I’d be bound to go to the SIL.

but I’d make sure my husband would hear all about it.

Why's DH's sister only given 6 weeks notice? Feels a bit entitled to expect everyone to drop everything.
That said, it's his sister and should trump everything even if she's being cheeky, and he really does have to go (unless they hate each other and that's why the invite is so last minute).

You however are in the wedding party for presumably a very close friend.

You must go to separate weddings and laugh about the coincidence of you both needing to be at different weddings on the same day, regardless of where they are in the world. DC can probably go with DH as it's a family wedding so you'll save on childcare at least?

Hell, It's easy...

Husband & the kids go to his brother's wedding.
If the inlaws are that determined you all go, they can help with your child/ren.

And YOU, You Go to your friends wedding and have an amazing time

They’re being completely unreasonable. In your position I would keep my commitment and go to
friend’s wedding

I think you may just as well both go to the friend’s wedding.

Splitting it = more expense + more stress + not having the fun of spending the day together + pissed off friend who has paid for dh’s place + ILs are STILL GOING TO BE PISSY ABOUT IT.

It would be different if SIL was grateful for your offer to compromise: ‘oh thank you both so much for understanding, we know it’s a massive ask but dp’s mum has just received a terrible diagnosis & it’s her last wish to see her little boy made an honest man of, & i just can’t imagine getting married without my darling brother there…ofc we’ll miss you dear sister in law but you simply MUST go to your friend’s wedding!’

But no, it’s clear she & her parents are going to be thoroughly unpleasant.

So you might just as well stick to your original plans. That way you avoid the expense, the stress & the disappointed/pissed off friend, & your ILs can reflect that you might have compromised had they not been dicks.

No, there’s no problem. You have committed to a wedding party so you need to honour that. This is what SIL gets for telling people she wants there 6 weeks before, as if you all just sit around with nothing to do waiting on her invitations. I take it your DH is not in the wedding party for your friends wedding, if not then he goes to SIL wedding. Very simple. If in-laws have anything to say, tell them to pull their heads in.

I think the only way I'd consider the last-minute wedding is if it had been organised at the last minute because someone was dying.

You're in the wedding party. I wouldn't be going to the SiL's, though I'd expect DH to (and probably to take the kids with him, if they were invited or if childcare was not comprehensive and rock solid to allow me to be fully present for my friend).

Your friend will never speak to you again if you pull out now, and I wouldnt blame her.

It’s already poor form that your DH is pulling out of attending your friend’s wedding after accepting the invite, yet he’s trying to guilt you into flaking as well.

If it was important enough for you and him to attend the wedding, his sister would have checked his availability first. He should attend your friends wedding and his sister should rearrange hers now she knows of the date clash.

That sounds awfully like blackmail to me.

He's stressed because he's getting it in the neck from his parents because precious golden child SIL is stamping her ruby slippers.

You can't back out of your friends wedding.