AIBU to want our baby’s first Christmas at home instead?

[Wasthecheese]

I had a miserable Christmas last year visiting my parents. This year we have a baby and my mother is already on that we visit them this Christmas as she wants babies first Christmas.

I said well last years was dreadful and I had an awful time, so we hadn’t made plans yet, but I am not having a repeat of that . I’ve now been accused of weaponising the baby and using him to get my own way. In actual fact I just want us to have a nice day where we can have baby at the centre of it. Because we haven’t made plans yet so I can’t say we are seeing IL my mum is saying it’s ridiculous if we haven’t get anything better to do we are being bloody minded turning down her invitation, but I’d rather us just stay at home and have the day to ourselves.

I hate this rushing to get an invite out so they get in first. I don’t know what we’ll be doing I just don’t want to see them.

I spent my baby's first Christmas with my parents. It was a disaster; having a baby had highlighted all the problems in our relationship, and we ended up having a massive row. Stay home, I wished I had x

Doesn't Christmas cause problems.. :-(

I think it’s when people attach status to the day. My mother sees it as a mark of importance so she wants this day. Boxing Day doesn’t count

You were there last year so there should be no expectation that you would be going every year.

Simply say you are doing something different this year and repeat.

Yous said a few times you fancy staying home with your partner and child. Do that. That's what you want.

We had similar where my Mum moaned, fussed over my brother, my sister and hubby put their feet up and me and DH were left looking after the kids in too small a space with too many people and dogs. Then we traveled to SIL to see IL family and we were exhausted and it was really late when we ate as they had their lunch at 2 and we'd had ours at 12. We were really late home and I realised I didn't enjoy the day at all. We stay home now alone and see them all over the week of Christmas. That works for us.

You can choose what works for you and let them know. Have a lovely Christmas x

It's exactly this.
Not about the baby at all.
All about her being able to tell people that both her children put her as a priority.

Reads to me as if you need counselling.
You are in FOG.
Fog, obligation and grief.
You are conditioned by your mother to put her above everything else, or else she verbally abuses you.

Please do not expose your baby to this toxicity out of fear.

Time to back away and go very low contact, blocking her if necessary.

FOG stands for Fear, Obligation and Guilt 🙏🏻 and yes, that's what's making this difficult for OP.

As soon as we had our first, we had Christmas day at home. Pj's all day, no visitors, no visits. We eat dinner and the kids go straight back to playing. Parents can visit on boxing day. I think it's cruel to give kids loads of toys then take them away from them, or insist they sit down for a formal meal for hours on end when they're so excited to play together.