DD getting into trouble for being late to lessons at college because she’s helping her brother

[WeirdVector]

DS and DD are 16 and in college. DS has ASD and started at college last year and DD started this year.

DS had a knee injury and last year was allowed to use the lift (anyone in the college is but people who can't use stairs are meant to get priority) but that area would get very busy and people would push etc and one occasion he got shoved and was hurt. I thought they'd have sorted it but they haven't

A few weeks ago he had surgery on the knee and is on crutches and is still in a lot of pain and is using the lift still, DD has been helping him get to lessons and has said she doesn’t feel comfortable with just leaving him when he’s waiting for the lift due to the pushing, DS is also meant to have priority due to not being able to use the stairs at all but he’s not the type of kid to say “excuse me, I can’t use the stairs i need to use the lift” to other 16/17 year olds who he doesn’t know, DD however is and would stand up for him

The surgery wasn’t straightforward and he is likely to need another surgery because they couldn’t fully straighten the knee so this is likely to be an ongoing thing

DD has been helping him but as a result has been late to lessons just by a few minutes but teachers are now getting annoyed with her and she said one of them was quite rude and said she did t care where she’d been and DD admitted she did talk back but she was helping her brother, not messing about or having a chat with her friends

DS doesn’t have a member of staff helping him get around and he doesn’t have an EHCP in general for his ASD

AIBU to think that this should be allowed? There’s no way he’d be able to make his own way around the college without any help

Get in touch with the college and tear them a new one on behalf of both your DS and DD. To make sure the message gets through to their lecturers. Seriously, how unsympathetic and unhelpful can they be at a difficult time.

Her form tutor needs to talk to her othet tutors and tell them to stop. I would write to the college. Your DD is doing a lot to support her DB and needs to have backup.

So the other 20 - 30 students are disturbed by the DD? That's not fair on them or the teachers.

If your son is unable to safely get around the building without support, the college should be putting in place a reasonable adjustment to address that, for example proving an LSA to meet him in the morning and make sure he gets to class. It sounds like the college has left him to fend for himself and naturally your daughter has stepped in to do what the college should be doing, and well done her. YANBU but you need to speak to the college to get this sorted for both of your children. Explain the situation to them and ask them to suggest a solution. Good luck!

You need to contact college and get alternative help for your son, what did he do for the year before your daughter joined?

Why?
for evacuation purposes? A colleague of mine is wheelchair bound and we work on the 13th floor. Appreciate it would make evacuation more difficult but you can’t reorganise a college or workplace so that people with physical disabilities must work/learn in one place

Sorry I don't quite understand your post?

Is it perhaps a with/without disabilities mis-read?

Surely someone at the college can help him.
I wouldn’t be comfortable with her being late because she is helping him - the college should be doing it. He could be ten mins late and wait for the big rush before he gets the lift. That would be better rather than this also affecting your dds education aswell as his imo. If the college won’t assist him, I think you will have to go yourself and help him.

You need to speak to college. If your DD wasn’t there how would he cope? They need to put in reasonable adjustments but it shouldn’t really involve your DD if it is going to impact her lessons too

I teach A Level. It would make a difference to a student's learning if they were 5 - 10 minutes late to their class. People don't realise that 10 mins late to each class = 6 weeks of missed learning in total over a year.

College should have a risk assessment for your son. Ask to see it. The RA shouldn't include your daughter.

Sounds like everyone including your daughter and you have taken on the idea that because he is ND and physically vulnerable it’s her job to care for him -even in what should be a safe environment. Here to tell you that this isn’t going to be sustainable for the next stage of their lives so it’s time you all got better at fighting the system for him instead.

Some suggestions (some already suggested)

• he gets a pass to leave lessons 5 mins early so he can use the lift before the rush
• the college stations a staff member at the lifts during busy times to ensure people with disabilities and injuries can use them esp if people are getting hurt
• your son is accompanied to the lift by a staff member on a few occasions to help him learn how to ask to go first etc

Your daughter missing her lessons isn’t an option. If you’re unlucky she’ll get so behind she’ll have to drop out and then your son will be worse off than now. Challenge the college with this list (and any others you can think of) and ask which they’ll be providing to prevent this unsafe situation.

At college?

YOU as his parent need to go in and sort this out!!! College should be providing allsorts of help and it doesn’t matter did he has a diagnosis or not! They should have someone to help him and yoi
Can’t just assume they will sort it all out without going in for meetings and having the additional support teachers managing him!!