DD getting into trouble for being late to lessons at college because she’s helping her brother

[WeirdVector]

DS and DD are 16 and in college. DS has ASD and started at college last year and DD started this year.

DS had a knee injury and last year was allowed to use the lift (anyone in the college is but people who can't use stairs are meant to get priority) but that area would get very busy and people would push etc and one occasion he got shoved and was hurt. I thought they'd have sorted it but they haven't

A few weeks ago he had surgery on the knee and is on crutches and is still in a lot of pain and is using the lift still, DD has been helping him get to lessons and has said she doesn’t feel comfortable with just leaving him when he’s waiting for the lift due to the pushing, DS is also meant to have priority due to not being able to use the stairs at all but he’s not the type of kid to say “excuse me, I can’t use the stairs i need to use the lift” to other 16/17 year olds who he doesn’t know, DD however is and would stand up for him

The surgery wasn’t straightforward and he is likely to need another surgery because they couldn’t fully straighten the knee so this is likely to be an ongoing thing

DD has been helping him but as a result has been late to lessons just by a few minutes but teachers are now getting annoyed with her and she said one of them was quite rude and said she did t care where she’d been and DD admitted she did talk back but she was helping her brother, not messing about or having a chat with her friends

DS doesn’t have a member of staff helping him get around and he doesn’t have an EHCP in general for his ASD

AIBU to think that this should be allowed? There’s no way he’d be able to make his own way around the college without any help

My dc are at secondary school but my 13 year old helps my 12 year old who has asd and school are fine with it and make allowances if he is late. Is she registered as a young carer at college?

Can you not accompany DS?
Or is it every lesson?

I’m not surprised individual teachers are annoyed at her consistently being late for class, but if using the lift is some kind of morass of pupils shoving one another to the point of him getting hurt, the school needs to address this so your DS can get himself to class by himself without her help. I’d go to the Principal — they must have an accessibility;/disability/safeguarding policy being contravened here?

Sounds like you've raised some lovely children and should be proud of your DD for looking after her brother.

Get in touch with the college and ask for some extra help with getting him around the campus. There will be a few options they can put in place that will look after your son and allow your daughter to get to class on time.

I think your best bet is to contact the college yourself and explain the scenario to them, without any prior knowledge the teachers are likely to assume your daughter is late for other reasons.

By speaking to the college the lift issue will be flagged to them (if they aren’t told they won’t know) and may look to have a staff member monitoring the situation and giving those who need to use the lift priority.

Can they go in 10minutes earlier?

I'm afraid YABU if this is an ongoing thing. Schools and colleges are legally obliged to make reasonable adjustments for medical conditions and disabilities, such as letting him leave early to avoid busy corridors - speak to them. If your daughter is say 5-10 minutes late to 6 lessons that's up to an hour a day.

A random, un-dbs'd adult would not be allowed to wander the college without being accompanied by a member of staff.
Think you need a meeting with the college as necessary adjustments aren't being made and s lovely as dd's motives are, it shouldnt be down to her.

I'm surprised students without disabilities are allowed to use the lift. Is it a very tall building?

I'd suggest the college need to improve their systems, or provide individual help to your DS, so that your DD doesn't need to be late for class every day. If that's not possible then she needs to be allowed a few minutes extra.

I think you need to push for a member of staff to chaperone him to the lift. It shouldn't be your daughter's responsibility.

The college knows about the lift issue and all they have done is put up signs saying people with priority go first at busy times and if others are able then to use the stairs (or words to that effect) but often they get ignored. There are 2 lifts but both areas get very busy and one lift is much smaller than the other

They also told ds to speak up but he won’t

Register her as a young carer for him it will protect her.

Do you expect your DD teachers to wait for her to arrive before starting the lesson (late) or for your DD to miss the start of each lesson? Either option is bonkers

That's just not good enough if the result is that students with disabilities (and their carers) have to queue behind others and end up late for class. I hope you can get them to review this policy. I'd want something like a "lift pass" lanyard for those allowed to use the lift, and other students have to use the stairs. Unless it's a high-rise block or something!

The college need to sort out the lift situation, I'd contact the college and start there stating about accessibility and disability (at the moment he is disabled).

Well , that's not working is it ? No one should pushing and shoving to the point someone gets hurt. Go back to the college , get your mad up !

You need to push the school for a solution that doesn’t involve your daughter having to do everything and so her ending up late to lessons. While it’s lovely she wants to help her brother, 10 minutes of a lesson (and is this every lesson?!) is not insignificant and will disadvantage her learning, will disrupt the class and so everyone’s learning. If she is 16 then that’s going to have a huge effect on exams. While your son clearly needs help it shouldn’t be at the cost of your daughter’s learning.

Get in touch with the college again. If they can't ensure your DS can access the lift safely, can your DD get a pass to say she is helping her brother? It's not ideal that she is being late for classes and disruptive for teachers, whatever the reason. (Talking back won't help either.)

Did you approach the school to say she would be helping him to get her lateness authorised

You need to get in touch with the college and work out a solution that keeps your son safe without needing DD's help.

The college should be making adjustments to allow your disabled ds to get to lessons. This may mean providing a member of staff to accompany him.

Your dd should not be in that role, although I'd imagine the college would be happy for her to take it up and remove the issue for them.

It sounds like you haven't communicated with the collage, ask what adjustments they are making to allow him to access lessons.

I would have a word with College again. They need to make reasonable adjustments and they also need to make the lifts for those with mobility issues or other health issues which means they can't use stairs.

Couldn’t they just arrive earlier to avoid this? Otherwise I think you need to contact the college.

Yabu to expect multiple teachers to accept DD being late unless its been formally agreed.

Contact the HoY of both DD and DS year

They should be allowing DS to leave lessons a few mins early to get the lift.

Don't let your DD fall out with her teachers and get a bad reputation because she's trying to help - you must contact the school to get them to help DS. DD should not have to miss lesson time.

Rather than her being late, can’t he wait till the lift area has cleared to use the lift? Obviously that’ll mean he is late, but it’ll be clear to his teachers it’s because of the lift issue and they may be able to push for more action given their lessons are being interrupted.