AIBU to turn down Australia job offer because son has started A levels?

[FergussSingsTheBlues]

My husband has been offered a job in Australia. Neither is us can find full time work in the uk and we know we’ll need to sell our house in two years if this carries on. We are relieved to say the least. We’ve both lived abroad plenty so it’s something we know we can deal with.

The problem is my eldest son has literally last week just started a levels.
There are zero schools or colleges that do a levels where we would be going, it’s all IB.

Boarding won’t be an option or living apart, we’re a very close family and would find that traumatic.

Has anybody else been in this position? I don’t see how we can make this work because of education and think we’ll have to turn it down. (We know he’d be allowed domestic fees for university but I don’t know further information). My son is bright and hardworking and we don’t want to wreck his prospects

What kind of job has your husband been offered, OP?

If it's a good job and accommodation is obtainable, I think that you should go as a family.

What a wonderful opportunity!

Which part of Australia?

What are DS’s plans for uni?

You say you all go or none - but what if he wants to go to uni in the UK?

Some professions require certain qualifications which can be different for different countries.

If he’s planning on living in the UK long term, then he may need to qualify in the UK - perhaps look into this before choosing.

Do you not have any family in the UK?
Many people move to Australia but move back because it’s too far from elderly parents etc.

My plan would be:
*DS start A levels
*You and DH try and find temporary jobs still/downsize to free up some cash.
*DH moves September 2027 and lives cheaply.
*DS finishes A levels
*Both you and DS go over spring 2028
*DS stays a year, working and enjoying Australia.
*DS goes to uni the following year - maybe back in the UK.

Then he should definitely stay and complete his A Levels in the UK. Either with you or on his own. He will be almost 18 and it’s only 9 months. That isn’t traumatic for your family. 9 months passes in the blink of an eye.

If you would not be moving till end of summer 27 then he will be a year in A levels with only 8 or 9 months till he sits the exams. He will presumably be applying for university for September 28. Is there anyone he could stay with for the last year of school?
A lot depends on whether this job is permanent or fixed term? If you plan to return or are emigrating permanently?

That’s very binary and you are not in a binary situation. For the good of ALL your family your DH needs to take this job. Either you stay with the kids for 2 years (less than really, more like 20months) or you all go and leave your DS in boarding to do his A levels.

The whole families prospects might be torpedoed if you can’t outside the box on this one

I think there’s definitely potential for it to work. Does he like the idea of Australia? How would it be for him to leave his settled social and school life? I moved to another continent at 17 and started school there as did many of my friends (war). I enjoyed boarding but missed my old life. We all did really different exams (some moved to Australia from a British style system) and everyone was ok. Just took a while to transition mentally.
If you have a close family and are supportive it could be really positive.

I could be wrong but doesn’t the Australian new school year start in January? If so he would be starting the equivalent of year 12 in Jan which is actually good timing

@FergussSingsTheBlues

Which subjects is he taking at A Level, OP?

It's feasible to go now, since HSC is a 2 year syllabus, he would have to go back a year into Year 10 for a few months and then do Year 11 in 2027 and sit HSC at end of 2028 (or other states equivalent). We have dual citizenship and I have this in the back of my mind as a possible scenario for our daughter who is currently in Year 10, not sure we will actually do it though. I don't see that you can move summer 2027, he would have done one year of A-levels, he would have not have been learning several subjects for an entire year and his equivalent year group in Australia would be 1/2 way through Year 12 which is their final year. I think you would have to stay here with him until he finishes school and follow your husband after A-levels are done.

Can't be switch to the first year of IB now instead of A levels then do the second year of IB in Australia?

Also although you had a bad experience with boarding school, it doesn't mean he will. I think boarding for 6th form can be quite fun especially now where it's far more flexible. I boarded (and parents were in Oz for some of it) and while I didn't love it, I do think 6th form was the best part of the experience. One of my now best friends joined in 6th form and had a great time. So you could try starting him boarding this year and weekly board while you're here, and then continue when you leave for a few months.

I think learning to be independent and no longer finding living away from your husband "traumatic" would do you a world of good!

I'd stay with my son until A Levels and move to my husband as soon as he's finished. Realistically it's only a few months!

Do you have relatives in the area? We have friends and family who have lived with grandparents/aunts/uncles and in one case an older sibling to avoid disrupting their education while parents have gone abroad and then visited (both ways) during the holidays. While I appreciate Australia is a long trip for 1/2 terms etc would this be an option?

It wouldn't be 20 months. If the proposed move is August 2027 it would be more like 9-10 months. Join up in June 2028. DS's last A level exam was 18th June.

Otherwise he would be joining half way through the Australian school year and expected to gear change to IB.

I definitely would not go at this point in my child’s education.

Lots of private schools in the UK do IB. UK Universities are very used to it with UK and overseas students. If that’s the only thing making you hesitate and you’re son’s up for it I’d go!

Sorry June 2028. But you could also have a nice long summer together in between.

I don't know why people are flogging boarding school. Term has already started, it would be traumatic for him to be shoved in boarding school and have his parents emigrate post haste especially knowing his mum is basically picking his dad's company over his own. Simply not an option. But IB from Jan might work if he is a personality who can cope with the sudden switch and especially if he is a generalist. Not so good for a student who's just heaved a sigh of relief at giving up all essay subjects and is looking forward to double maths and physics.

Surely if you want to emigrate then going to school in Aus with set him up with friendship groups as well. Social is just as important (more so, sometimes than academic in job terms) for him.

I dont mean this disrespectfully but I have to ask - what was your husband's plan? He was applying for jobs abroad?

What does your son want, OP?

At his age, he's more than capable of evaluating his options and expressing a preference.

It sounds like you really need this job - no job and having to sell the house is way more traumatic than a temporary separation or changing exams

I think you're being a bit too rigid. First about not wanting him to do IB. Loads of kids do and love it and you say he's a good all-rounder. I'm confused about the timeline but can he start IB here and then continue in Australia?

Ditto have you asked him how he feels about boarding school? Is he in a school with boarding facilities already? If so is a few months of boarding while he does A-levels really that traumatic? Can you not arrange a deal where you fly back to the UK for a bit, then he comes to Australia for holidays? You say he's independent and driven and the following year he'll be off to uni, it's very different from dropping an eight yr old in a boarding school on the other side of the world.

confused about a job that doesn’t start for a year!

If your son is bright and up for it I’d go. Losing your home and having no way to pay for university will be worse. Then decide if it makes sense to split for a few months or all go together. It’s really not a huge thing to live apart for a year, I know plenty of people doing that. Presumably your son would be at uni here in the UK anyway so you’re looking at living apart soon regardless?

The end of summer 27 as in September-ish? So your son will have done a full year of his A Levels already?

Given the fact that A Level exams are done and dusted by the end of May, it would only be 9 months before you could join your husband in Australia. It would then be your son's choice as to whether he went with you or stayed in the UK to go to university. I know you say it's all of you or none of you, but 9 months will go by so quickly, and you can visit him and he can visit you in your son's school holidays.

It sounds like a really good opportunity, but at a really bad time for your son. Somebody has to make the compromise here, and I just think it should be the adults. Does you son even WANT to move to the other side of the world? It's huge! There are so many posters on here being so casual about it.. it is a massive, massive deal! He has a home, friends, school, family. It may be his absolute worst nightmare to move.

At least if it happened a year later, he would be at a crossroads in life anyway, i.e. starting uni or work, so it would be a far better time to do it.

A long time ago my dad had to do the same. He went, visited a few times a year. We were, and are close. They didn’t want the upheaval for me and siblings. If 1 parent goes it’s probably easier practically, then a couple of years to understand implications etc.

As you said, this is about your sons' welfare. And this is a particular tricky time to move - Absolutely A levels, friends, and mental state etc.

Personally I'd leave it until he has finished his A Levels, moving now would mess him up in a few ways. Most likely.

Why are you confused? People have fixed term contracts. Someone may have decided not to return after maternity leave (but the leave itself is covered). The company may be opening a new branch which is ready in a year's time. They may have secured a new contract, but there's a year left to go with the new client's current supplier. There are so many reasons, and it is common in plenty of industries. Not all jobs are one-in-one-out at the drop of a hat like for example retail or the fast food industry.