AIBU to challenge my husband using the same excuse over chores?

[sausagetheorangecat]

Husband has always been rubbish at house chores- doesn’t like tidying, doesn’t see mess, leaves laundry on floor etc. I do most of it as for me a tidy house = tidy mind.

However we keep having arguments over chores. Example our 8 month old keeps weeing through the nappies at night the last few days so this morning I took off the wet sheet and mattress protector to wash. Tonight my husband put baby to bed and just put him on the bare mattress. No sheet. I got mad because if baby wets through I then have a wet mattress. His response (which has been the same response over similar arguments) is to shout that I am always having a go at him for everything, he can’t do anything right, he didn’t mean it, and threatens leaving me with ‘the way I am with him’. .
Aibu to say that he can’t use that excuse every time? I don’t want to split, we’ve been together years and have children. How do i navigate things like this without the threat of him leaving me? I feel like we either have a major argument or I should keep quiet and just moved baby and put a clean sheet on bed myself

I’m a huge believer in couples therapy. Any chance of that?

Weaponised incompetence.

I could never be with someone so lazy and selfish.

I would as I have therapy for years myself and it helps me personally but he’s not the type

If he keeps threatening, tell him to bloody go. Emotional blackmail is abuse.

Are you using overnight nappies like the extra dry ones to reduce baby wetting through?

You married a lazy ass who uses threats of leaving to avoid housework. That's not excuses, that's manipulation. He wants you to shut up and do it all.

You might find the housework lessened and easier if he did leave. He sounds immature as well as lazy.

This isn't going to get better. His threats to leave are for one purpose, to frighten you and force you to shut up. He's a lazy selfish manipulative man who doesn't give a toss about your child. What kind of person puts a baby down on a bare mattress?

You either tolerate it or you take him at his word and tell him to pack his bags.

Don't you get tired of the inevitable pointless arguments because he refuses to act as an adult? I couldn't live like that.

No, you were right to pull him up on it. I'd be asking him when he last slept on a mattress without a sheet and why he thinks it's OK for his baby to? And if he feels like he always gets things wrong, then why isn't he trying to get better? Who else does he think will want him if he can't manage to learn basic household skills?

Your husband sounds like an absolute prick and I think you should leave him. Messy and no communication skills? Pick a struggle.

Yes you are right to pull him up on it … every single time and as someone else said it is weaponised incompetence. He didn’t notice is showing telling you he expects you to take care of all domestic duties.

He won’t get better - as he ages to a cranky older man it will get worse.

Next time he threatens to leave tell him don’t let the door gist you on the arse on the way out!!

You and your kids deserve better!

🙄 Ok, I'll bite - does he have a job?Can he do his job without being shouted at and if he is shouted at does he react the same way with his boss? Are you attracted to him? Did you want another grown up child? So many questions but I fear this may be a waste of my time.
Best of luck OP.

If he threatens to leave again, tell him you think it’s for the best. Children need parents they can look up to and respect, not ones that fail at basic household tasks. He can shape up or ship out.

In respect to the bed wetting, it’s a good idea to get multiple sheets and do layering; mattress protector + bed sheet, covered by mattress protector + bed sheet. Then if the little one wets in the night, you can quickly remove the top two layers and pop them straight back on the fresh ones below.

YABU to stay with him on the basis that you've been together for years and you have children together.

Next time he threatens to leave, tell him you'll pack for him because he would never manage to pack for himself. Then pack his stuff and put it in the hall or even outside. Tell him he can move back in with his mum since that seems to be what he wants to turn you into.

Stick to your guns. He thinks you're a domestic appliance or someone who enjoys keeping the house neat and tidy as some sort of hobby.

Now that is a nonsense and frivolous phrase if ever IV heard one. Did you make that up or are you parroting it?

@HumbleHun its a consistent type of behaviour/s.
Lots of people on here and in rl understand the phrase and some are unfortunate enough to have to deal with this.
Seems to be very common amongst the male species.
@Ohdearnotthisagainhasnt made this phrase up and has used it in an appropriate context.

You won't find it in the Oxford English dictionary that's for sure. I should know I used to teach English and taught one of the current senior script writers on Emmerdale when he/she was 10.

Congratulations

Thankyou, he/she still.keeps in touch and allows me to name drop them at dinner party's and functions.

SFW. The English language changes according to usage, annoying as it can be at times. If you taught English, you would know this.

I'm fully aware but that terminology is a nonsense and would not pass muster at the OED HQ

@HumbleHun no one has claimed its in the dictionary.
This doesnt mean the poster made the term up.
Many colloquial terms eventually end up in the dictionary.
Its irrelevant who you previously taught.
With respect your class composition would have been random, (unless split according to ability) and you'd have followed the same curriculum as all other English teachers.
Respectfully I wont play top trumps as our academic and life achievements arent relevant to this thread.
Just a heads up, I think @AssassinsEyebrow was being sarcastic.

This.

Men tend to add a huge amount of extra chores and they eat a lot more too. Some make up for this in other ways, her lazy arse husband does not. She'd definitely have far less work to do without him.

i would say yes I absolutely draw the line at neglect. If you cannot do better than be an actively neglectful parent who puts your child’s health and safety at risk then we should separate, I will report your behaviours and you won’t get custody. Putting a child to sleep on a bare mattress is neglect. If I weren’t here they’d have weed on the mattress and there is no chance you cleaned it properly, putting a child to sleep on a wee soaked mattress is neglect and cps should be called. I will not live here having to actively fight you to not have our child neglected nor do I want to live with you while you do fuck all for your child. So would you like to leave or would you like to be a dad who loves his child? It’s either or, if you can’t be a caring dad then I do not want you here. I’ll tell everyone why too, you won’t get away with any bullshit like she was too demanding and nagging.

This will be my last response to you as the thread is not about you or me.
Initially I commented on your quite rude response to @Ohdearnotthisagain.
Ive made some valid points and responded to your comments.
Ive not been manipularive or engaged in dirty tactics.
Im entitled to a different opinion.
Was I supposed to be starstruck by your 'claim to fame?' As Ive previously stated its irrelevant.