AIBU to find my mum watching every nappy change a bit odd?

[Poppyseededroll]

Can someone explain to me why my mum enjoys watching my baby’s nappy being changed?

Every time I go to change baby’s nappy my mum gets up to come with me and watches. She doesn’t stand back but literally at my shoulder watching baby. I find it quite weird to be honest, surely changing nappies isn’t something fun it’s just one of those slightly manky tasks that needs to be done?

I’ve tried saying to her you don’t need to get up and she say later I want to it’s cute. Really? Am I missing something?

I really don’t know whether she doesn’t trust me and wants to check if the nappy is a month old with fronts living in it or if I am being unreasonable and watching nappy changes really is sweet.

She keeps saying she wants to come over for bath time. If I thought it was for an extra pair of hands then fine; but I find the enjoyment and interest in these tasks odd.

I hate to say this but... any adult who wants to come and watch a baby being undressed all the time, is a red flag to me. I'm surprised so many people are defending this. It's deeply weird.

Grandparents helping with nappy changes (as in, taking a turn), sure. Very helpful. Doing a bath time? Sure, very helpful. Coming along just to be a spectator, every single time? No.

I agree.
Use this opportunity to start afresh and find a new relationship. I did with my mum and 10 years on no regrets.
Your mum might be too worried of rejection to offer, if you are happy to hand baby over you might need to just say can you do the nappy or the tea please mum.

I adore my only Grandchild. I, however have never felt a need to watch while my daughter changed his nappy. I actually think your mothers behaviour is concerning. My DD would have told me to bugger off and make myself useful. Nappy changes and bath time are clearly when the child’s genitals are on view. If this is happening at every nappy change I really think you maybe should ask her to leave you to get on with it. Or take your baby into another room and close the door.

This is just another possible reason? I saw the comments about your pets and your DM being house proud, not fond of animals. Could she be watching you to check there is no animal hair around the area that could end up in the nappy?

I don’t think it’s animal hair. But I do think it’s her checking to see if the baby is clean and I’m doing a good job as mum. That’s why I say it makes me uncomfortable, I feel my parenting is being judged and assessed.

I didn’t really buy the it’s cute explanation, and wanted to understand from others if it’s a thing. Some people have suggested that they like watching their kids parent- but my mum doesn’t like me- so I don’t think she gets enjoyment from watching me perform tasks - it’s just about the grandchild

She's the babies grandmother and is watching her baby become a mother, hardly a deranged stalker. Are you ok?

Its a babies nappy, maybe she does just think its cute. OP hasnt put any boundaries in place except to hint "you dont have to come with me".

When I had my first baby my mum loved doing and watching and being apart of everything, even the not fun bits like nappies are still cute when its a newborn baby.

You keep saying your mum doesnt like you? Is this something shes said or youve assumed?

I know youve said you have nothing in common but thats a far stretch to not liking your own child.

I’ve noticed that since having children my own mother spends much of her time with them down memory lane, everything they do or that happens reminds her of a time in her life which she then enjoys reminiscing about.

So I imagine it’s probably just that.

Don't tell her you're about to nappy change, if she's there ask her to go and put the kettle on, nip out the room and keep the bedroom/bathroom door shut. Have you asked her why she watches, it is weird, I wouldn't want to watch.

Following you about to watch isn't normal. Carrying on a conversation and coming into the room yes, but you mentioned about her coming across the room even and watching over your shoulder. Ask her what shes doing.

I mean only your mum knows why she wants to watch, asking random strangers on the internet will not get you the answers you seek! Ask her, she’s your mum. Then if you don’t like the answer you can decide what to do next. Sounds like your relationship with her is not that great to start with.

Yes @Poppyseededroll why don't you just ask her why she feels the need to hover over you when changing the baby's nappy. I think you answered previously that she would be upset and make a scene? That too, seems odd, why would she? Also, in the meantime, could you just move the nappy changing area away from where you have it currently to somewhere more private?

I really don't know why she would be this obsessed about observing your baby's nappy change. You think it's because she doesn't trust you but does she have this fixation over feeding or other things?

Yabu.
I've got three kids, my youngest is 5 months. I love getting her nappy off, she starts rolling and grabbing her feet. It's when you get the best view of the chubby legs! Same with bath - I love her little dimpled bum.

One of my fondest memories with my first daughter was giving her some nappy free time at my mum's while my granny was there and the three of us watching her. My granny died not long after, I'm so glad I shared that time with her.

Babies are perfect - I think your mum just wants to soak him up.

Elephant nappies? Huh?

I’ve asked her and she just says it’s cute. If I pushed she’d get upset at me implying I found it odd or inappropriate that she was checking up on me.