AIBU to find my mum watching every nappy change a bit odd?

[Poppyseededroll]

Can someone explain to me why my mum enjoys watching my baby’s nappy being changed?

Every time I go to change baby’s nappy my mum gets up to come with me and watches. She doesn’t stand back but literally at my shoulder watching baby. I find it quite weird to be honest, surely changing nappies isn’t something fun it’s just one of those slightly manky tasks that needs to be done?

I’ve tried saying to her you don’t need to get up and she say later I want to it’s cute. Really? Am I missing something?

I really don’t know whether she doesn’t trust me and wants to check if the nappy is a month old with fronts living in it or if I am being unreasonable and watching nappy changes really is sweet.

She keeps saying she wants to come over for bath time. If I thought it was for an extra pair of hands then fine; but I find the enjoyment and interest in these tasks odd.

I'm back to my theory that your mum likes the more intimate bits of looking after your baby because it makes her feel closer and more included in the inner circle.

I would help change and bath my cousins' babies when I visited and it did make me feel very accepted as an important part of the family.

Is she interested in everything else you do with the baby? If you take the baby to do something else would she also follow and watch? I would find it odd if somebody was mostly disinterested in a baby but then wanted to be involved during nappy changes/ bathtime etc but wouldn’t think much of it if the person was the same over all aspects of nappy changing. My mum jumps at the chance to change one of my DN’s nappies, but she is the same about doing anything else with them too - it’s not behaviour specific to the nappies. It might be your mum just doesn’t want to take eyes off the baby the whole time she is there rather than her specifically wanting to watch nappy changes.

Stop it. Just stop it.

Do you think there is something sinister here?
If it was your dad, the comments here would be different.

But she’s only visiting a couple of times a week for an hour or two. I think she is savouring every moment of his babyhood and rightly so (“they grow up so fast!”) it’s lovely that she’s fascinated by him.
Shes not monitoring you for hours every day (which would be concerning and annoying)
I would say “you change him, I’ll put the kettle on and have five minutes to myself”

No, absolutely not.

My gut feeling is she’s checking up on me. She obviously won’t say that, so she says it’s cute- which just feels like a lie -there’s nothing cute about these elephant nappies 🤢.

I wondered if anyone could give me the insight into is it genuinely cute and am I missing something or is she keeping an eye on my parenting?

Surely it’s this? She only has 60 mins or so with you both - she doesn’t want to miss 1/6 of that (or whatever) to you taking the baby away for a nappy change?

Could you try meeting her out of the house for a bit to break the habit? She’s not
going to follow you to the loo in Costa.

I agree, OP. Nappy changes are private I never change my baby in front of anyone and bath time is also private just for me and his dad

She only comes for an hour at her choice. She doesn’t like me very much but is besotted with her grandchildren. She knows she’s welcome to see them as much as she likes but doesn’t really want to spend time with me.

A nappy change takes less than a minute, she’s hardly missing time.

I'm getting the impression that your relationship is a bit tricky if you dont feel able to say "stop watching me, it's not a spectator sport"

My mum used to always try and change my LOs nappies. Now I am going to be a grandparent myself and I can't wait to get involved. Those like chores and rituals of baby life are what we miss and want to remember with our grandchildren.

My mum has always loved joining bath times with my babies

I do have to handle her carefully, which is why the most I’ve pushed back is you don’t need to get up, and she’s said she wants to. If I said any more than that it would erupt into a massive row- don’t be ridiculous, I’m his grandma why on earth would it be inappropriate- that kind of thing

If she had wanted to do it or help I wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but she doesn’t. She just watches at my shoulder.

Even in the early days when I was 2 days post c-section and my partner was at work and I struggled to bend over the changing table she watched me, no offer to help

I have watched my son change his son’s nappy, but only if he did it in front of me or called me into the room. The fact is, I was in awe of my baby changing his baby and it made me feel quite emotional - same with giving him a bath. HTH.

It does. This is the kind of thing I’m trying to understand

Not sure how old your baby is but I’m assuming newborn or close to newborn. She might be enjoying reliving the early days or just being there as a second person watching you do it as “support” given it’s your first. Maybe jokingly say “ooh mum you’re making me nervous watching me” or give her a task to do - can you pass me the wet wipes etc?

She will stop once the baby is on solids. There is nothing cute about nappy changes then.

She doesn't like you very much but she's welcome to see them as much as she wants??

This doesn't sound emotionally healthy for you.

Take a week off, tell her you're ill or away. Tell her to stop following you whilst you do changes. Start setting boundaries.

You shouldn't live in fear of her.

If she doesn’t like you then I wouldn’t let her be around your children so much. Parents that don’t nurture healthy relationships with their own children can’t expect to be included in the lives of their grandchildren. Allowing your children to bond with a person that actively dislikes you is setting everyone up for a lot of drama and heartache in the future.

I'd wait until she's popped to the loo or gonehome..
My mil gave me the fucking creeps when dc were babies...
She sit so close to me while bf her leg touched mine. So i started squashng me +dc on the single chair!
She also insisted ds always had a nappy on or he'd get sexual feelings. I'd take ds into another room to change him after that.
Take your dc to the bathroom amd lock the door op .
And for the record it isn't only men who abuse children. .not that I am suggesting anything like that.

Only you know whether your mum wants to support you and feel part of things, and not have you feeling like you’re doing all the work while she sits with a cup of tea, or whether she’s an old perv. I suspect the former!

If you think she's checking up & it unnerves you then it needs to stop.

If you had a good relationship then it probably wouldn't bother you.

If my mum didn't like me then her seeing my child wouldn't be a priority tbh.

Start doing nappy changes where you can lock the door?

From your updates about how she doesn’t like you and it would cause an argument, it sounds pretty controlling that she is insisting on it. The fact that you can’t say “mum stop hovering over my shoulder” speaks volumes.

Also agree with pp that if my mum didn’t like me very much (as you say) then I wouldn’t be prioritising her seeing my child.

She only sees your baby for two hours a week and probably wants to spend the entire two hours looking at him/her.