AIBU to find my mum watching every nappy change a bit odd?

[Poppyseededroll]

Can someone explain to me why my mum enjoys watching my baby’s nappy being changed?

Every time I go to change baby’s nappy my mum gets up to come with me and watches. She doesn’t stand back but literally at my shoulder watching baby. I find it quite weird to be honest, surely changing nappies isn’t something fun it’s just one of those slightly manky tasks that needs to be done?

I’ve tried saying to her you don’t need to get up and she say later I want to it’s cute. Really? Am I missing something?

I really don’t know whether she doesn’t trust me and wants to check if the nappy is a month old with fronts living in it or if I am being unreasonable and watching nappy changes really is sweet.

She keeps saying she wants to come over for bath time. If I thought it was for an extra pair of hands then fine; but I find the enjoyment and interest in these tasks odd.

I think it's really weird. A diaper change is a diaper change and you're the parent, not her.

Ask her why.

I don’t know, that’s the point. I rarely saw them before I got pregnant. At the start of my pregnancy I saw them a fair amount and then that stopped until the baby was born. I haven’t really known them for 5 years or so

Totally agree with this. I've never understood why other adults would want to watch a baby having their nappy changed. And yes, they are cute at bath time, but also... how do you teach kids that their privacy is important, if they've grown up with it being normalised that bath time is a spectator event?

We stopped PILs from standing around gawping at bath time because honestly it just felt awkward (my parents never even tried - they were happy to have cuddles when baby was lovely and fresh, all snuggled up in dressing gown).

Obviously if grandparents or other caregivers are actually doing the changing or bathing it's different, but it's the pointless watching that I find unnecessary and a bit much.

That’s her choice. If she wants to stay for 61 minutes to make up for the nappy change she’s welcome to. If she wants to stay for 4 hours equally that’s fine.

We haven’t negotiated a 60 minute visit so anything that happens on her time she needs to see otherwise she’s not getting her time

You say she gets two hours a week with her grandchild. If you disappear for ten minutes each time that's less time for her to be with the baby. She's doing it because she wants to be part of the baby's life. It seems mean to resent her.

I think that she is acting strange. I don’t know why she would do this.
Your protectiveness is probably kicking it too. We don’t like anyone even our loved ones seeing our babies vulnerable, naked. Or maybe that’s just me.

Is she looking at baby making faces smiling etc whilst their having nappy changed to 'help'? She probably misses when her own children were small and wants to be involved. I wouldn't find it weird but I would find it a bit annoying being followed around.
Bath time is absolutely adorable though, used to be my favourite part of the day, and my mum used to do it with me whenever she happened to be round!

Why doesn't your mum like you? If a close family member made it obvious that they didn't like me, I wouldn't feel comfortable having them around my children.

She is lucky that you still welcome her into your home. If her constant scrutiny of nappy changes bothers you, you need to tell her to stop.

You've got to be more assertive OP now you are a parent.
Don't waste time trying to understand her behaviour.
That's her business.
Yours is to take care of your baby in the way that suits you.
It makes you feel uncomfortable to have an audience.
That's it. That's enough.
Tell her that.
Don't ask. Tell her to stay out of it.
No accusations needed.
Be polite but firm.
And don't get into a discussion about it.
Mother you are welcome to come come and see baby whenever you like.
Changing is not part of the entertainment.
I don't like having an audience while doing that.
You stay here or make tea as you wish.

she gets as much time as she wants, that’s how long she chooses to be here.

A nappy change takes under 2 minutes, I don’t leave the room, I just take baby to the changing table in the same room but on the other side about 4 meters away. She gets up walks across the room and stands at my shoulder and watches

Hmmm can't relate so outsider perspective. I think I watched one nappy change of a family member, for curiosity's sake.. but didn't need to watch another.. I agree with you OP, it is weird.

Ultimately, even if it were normal, it's still up to you what you're comfortable with.

Bath times... I can understand that a bit more as it's like being at the swimming pool but a smaller body of water.. but tbh, I wouldn't want anyone else participating because actually.. you're cleaning your child(!) - I dunno. I don't have to worry about this at all so my opinion is a bit irrelevant!

We’re just very different people. I’m quite horsey and my partner has dogs, whereas my mum hates animals and is very houseproud. She thinks we have no chat because we can’t talk golf or national trust with them. It isn’t a no contact drama, just we don’t get on.

I’d be ok with the bath time if I wasn’t so unnerved with the nappies. I feel judged and assessed

My mum does watch me change my daughters nappy sometimes when she’s round and I’ve never going it was weird but she just watches everything I do with her tbh so it’s not that different. She just chats to her while I change the nappy. Nappy changes are a nice little bonding moment so she probably just wants to be involved. She did want to join for bath time too once but there’s no space.

She just loves you both.x keep bathtime for you.x

Imo she's the one that needs judged not you.

I change dgc's nappy if requested to so so but haven't ever hovered watching dd do it...
It's a nappy change not a genital gazing session.

Christ she loves her Grandchild. Poor Nan being labelled as weird and a whole thread on MN for randoms to pick over and accuse her of being odd or a paedo.

Yep, I've got one of those mothers too 😁

I'd try asking her (really neutrally, without any 'tone') whether she wants to come and watch the nappy change. You're letting her know that you can see what she's doing without directly challenging her and if she's anything like my mum, she'll lose interest if she thinks it doesn't bother me! The worst that can happen is that she does come and watch, which she would be doing anyway 😆

Just stop overthinking OP. Does it matter!

Bathtime in particular is a lovely thing to do and changing tiny baby nappies (that don’t reek) is cute. Let her do them if it unnerves you so much.

I find it odd that you dont understand it.

She only sees you and baby a few hours a week so doesnt want to miss a thing. Of course its cute to watch. Babies are cute when theyre doing pretty much anything. Id say she is relieving her time with a newborn.

How can you feel unnerved by your mum wanting to be involved? If you do i can only assume its because you think she isnt safe around baby? Why else would you feel unnerved?

That’s just weird. Tell her to sit down. Or take the baby upstairs and see if she follows you.

Ask her why she’s watching if she gets up

She doesn't see you that often.

She just wants to spend time with you. I love changing my DGS nappy and when I'm with him I could gaze at him all the time! So she is not being unreasonable - she just wants to soak up time with him.

When you're in the trenches of early parenthood you won't get it - I know I didn't. But as a DGP it is so different and these little moments, poo and all, mean everything.

Don't be hard on her. She just wants to spend time with you - there is nothing weird about that.

She only sees you and baby a few hours a week so doesn’t want to miss a thing Like a deranged stalker Where are the personal boundaries, it isn’t right to stand over anyone’s shoulder while they completing a task unless they’ve ask for help.
Her DM is welcome to visit more often and chooses not to visit for longer, it doesn’t mean she can smoother OP when she does visit.

Perhaps she wants to have a go so why not let her?

I think she just has fond memories of all aspects of having a baby , I doubt she is critiquing .They are babies for such a short time and you don’t always appreciate it at the time .