AIBU Poor Dog walker had to witness

[Mooseylooseyloo]

I was reading an article earlier about a dog walker on Two Tree Island near Leigh on Sea in Essex who apparently came across a man naked from the waist down who then bent over and stuck a carrott up his backside.

Putting aside the obvious jokes, I actually found it very disturbing. The poor woman must have been shocked, frightened and probably quite shaken up by it, i live close by and have done this walk many times.

As a woman who often walks my dog alone, sometimes in fairly quiet or remote areas, it made me think about how vulnerable dog walkers can feel. Most of us are just trying to enjoy some fresh air and exercise our dogs, not stumble across something like that.

It also got me wondering what other strange, unsettling or downright bizarre things people have come across while out walking their dogs.

What's the weirdest thing you've ever witnessed on a dog walk

🤣🤣

Ew that’s gross. My labs love carrots so they’d have been straight over to relive him of it 🤣

My lab once disappeared behind a bush in our local park and I assumed she was going to eat some food/litter, so I looked behind the bush. There was a man with his trousers down doing a poo. I told him he was disgusting and scarpered.

I'm off carrots for the foreseeable future...

I wonder what the police operator thought of that 😆

I'd love to be that horse rider. Mine bites. Could make for a very entertaining 999 call.

I kicked a man out of my wood when I was walking through with my dogs and kids years ago. I asked what he was doing he said he was just meeting a man from the internet for outdoor sex. I called him a bloody pervert and to use the hotel up the road. We used to find paraphernalia which suggested it was a regular spot. My dad caught a man prancing in the woods once wearing nothing but women's tights - dad thought it was hilarious.

Carrot up his arse? What a waste of good food!

When we were younger we used to go to the local park and play on the tennis courts.
A guy came in and shut the only exit and stood in front of it so we couldn't get out.

He then proceeded to have a wank. When I'm scared, I laugh. So I started laughing and so did my sister. Our main memory of him was he was wearing a knitted cardigan like Starsky & Hutch used to wear.

He was apprehended a few weeks later doing the same thing.

Bloody hell reading some of these! Many years ago I came across a naked old bloke creeping about in the woods while I was out walking with my friend. He looked as shocked as I was. We backed away and he sort of bent over to cover himself and ran off. I’ve seen him since fully clothed and recognised him immediately. What is it with men ffs

Why is it that fellas are often waving their bits around outdoors in the open? What’s the appeal? It’s cold, scratchy, embarrassing - what if he saw his boss?! Not to mention the waste of NHS resources - my lovely dad used to work in A&E and the number of men who accidentally fell over onto their telly remote/hoover nozzle/vegetables etc was astonishingly high.

I honestly despair at the stupidity of the male human sometimes.

I live near a nature reserve and every now and again there are small camps of homeless people. I was out walking the dog and saw a lone tent near the lake. As I approached the tree line close to the path I needed to turn down I saw a man bent over, trousers round his ankles doing a poo and then wiping his bottom.

I could kind of understand it if he really had no place to go but a) there are much denser parts of woods he could have gone into, b)it was the middle of the afternoon and a fairly busy time for dog walkers and c) there are public toilets in the nature reserve about 300m away that we're open at the time.

So strange.

An almost identical experience to me! I'm just glad my lab didn't try to eat his poo - she tries to eat most other poos she finds! 😬

I don’t know why but I got a Miss Trunchball style vision of the tights bloke…”don’t let them steal your horses…”

Telly remote???

This could be fake news but, years ago, I read about someone getting Buzz Lightyear stuck up his arse because the wings popped out when in situ

Some men haven’t been punched in the face often enough. Not all men but always men. Grim.

God the reporters are quick tonight. Obviously a man or a pick me girl.

I always think of the woman who found 3? Of Steven port’s victims in a graveyard? Or rather her dog did. In the same exact position. Absolutely mental

Edit it was 2

From now I shall assume this is the ‘outing hobby’ so many mumsnetters allude to.

This reminds me of the people on the train who saw the man with the goat.
https://www.standard.co.uk/hp/front/commuters-saw-man-have-sex-with-goat-6329803.html

I can’t stop laughing at this.

I visited Scarborough a few weeks ago and as I was walking around I kept seeing this disheveled man. He looked a bit frantic. I paused to take in the scenery and saw the same man make a bee line for the sea. He was walking so fast, obviously with intent and I thought, oh no, he's going to do a Reggie Perrin. I was about to call ES when he suddenly stopped at the waters edge, squatted and did a poo! I had to laugh. Thankfully the tide was out so he was far enough away not to see anything in detail. Shame on the council for having charges on toilet facilities though. A couple of hours later, I saw someone go into the toilets, pay the fee and suddenly a family of 6 swept in behind them (turn stile).

I just snorted tea out my nose.

Love this. Richard Curtis-esque.