Got into an argument and got reported to the police... what do you think?

[FairyonaFrog]

This happened last week and it has been on my mind. I would like some feedback as I'm too embarrassed to discuss it with family and friends.

I was driving to a smallish, local town for some shopping. I wanted to park in a side road that has limited access and I was looking for the way in. I got confused looking for the entry way and ended up committed a traffic offense in which I mounted and crossed the pavement (I could go into more detail on this, but it's a bit complicated to explain the exact layout of the road). I immediately realised my mistake and drove off the other side. No one was involved, no pedestrians, no other cars, but it was a stupid mistake and I felt a bit shaken afterwards.

A couple of minutes later, I was buying a parking ticket at the machine, and I was approached by a random bloke, who asked me, quite forcefully "was that just you, in that blue car, who drove across the pavement?". I was a bit taken aback, but answered honestly - I said, yes it was me, I made a stupid mistake, I was confused by the road layout.

As I walked back to my car, he followed me and continued to go on. He said "that could have been really dangerous", I said yes, sorry, repeated I had made a mistake, and explained again that I had been confused, and that I wasn't from the town and didn't visit often so was unfamiliar with the road layout. He then said "it's lucky no-one was injured", and I said that there was no-one there (I'm starting to get pretty irritated at this point). He then kept saying "I've never seen anything like it, it's the most unbelievable thing I've ever seen in my life". By now I'm really pissed off with him, and suggest that if that's the case maybe he should get a f*ing life (I'm not proud of myself). We then shortly arrived at my car, at which point he said "Well, you should be more careful", and I said as a parting shot (really cross now) "Well you should be more careful or you'll get punched in the face". (Double meaning here - that's how he was making me feel, but also, if he goes around accosting people like this, it's likely to happen in the future). At this point he walked off, possibly smirking.

I should also add that my elderly mum was in the car, waiting for me in the passenger seat and she told me afterwards that he had approached her and demanded if she was driving, before finding me at the parking machine.

Anyway, I drove home home later, pretty upset about the whole thing and fully aware that it wasn't my finest hour. About 2 hours later there's a ring on my doorbell and it's the police. The guy has reported me for threatening him. I think he must have given them the car registration and I got the impression a police car went past my house later and saw my car on the drive!

I was, of course, horrified. I told the police the whole story as above, and they listened, and were actually sympathetic to me (or seemed to be), and told me they would be taking things no further and closing the report down. They even seemed to agree that the guy is, in fact, inviting trouble by approaching people like this. I wonder if he is already known to them for being a constant complainer.

I can't believe it though. I feel now that I was deliberately goaded. I mean, what did he expect by harassing a stranger - if he was that worried about my driving he should have gone straight to the police. What was he hoping to achieve?

I also feel really ashamed of myself for losing my temper and rising to him (I'm actively trying to get less irritated with people in day to day life), and I feel pretty stupid for making the driving mistake in the first place.

I'd just be really interested to hear what people think about this situation. Was I out of order or was he?

She probably would have come on mumsnet and complained about it where posters would tell her to call the police.

But some men do do that with people bigger and stronger than them.

ALL.THE.TIME.

As do some women.

I've worked with violence for nearly 30 years.

I work now with DC. You have 14-18 year old boys threatening and attacking grown men and women. 14-18 year old GIRLS threatening grown men and women, including regular assaults on paramedics and Police.

The difference between the 2 is the girls say they felt threatened, were traumatised and acted out so they usually get dealt with out of court.

She didn't confuse a pavement for a road at all, she thought she could access where she was going down a particular side street, realised she couldn't, there was a pavement at the end, had the option of - drive over the pavement to the road on the other side or reverse out of a narrow side street onto a main road, something that is strongly advised against.

People drive over pavements every fucking day - anyone with a dropped kerb drives over a pavement to access their driveway. There are sections of my local city that have pedestrian areas that are vehicle accessible before 9am/after 8pm, where a driver may find themselves on a pavement that also has pedestrians on it.

She didn't plough through a group of pedestrians and one should safely presume that had there been a pedestrian on that bit of pavement, she'd have waited for them to not be!

Well seems like you did a dangerous thing. But guy shouldn't have followed you. That's harrassment. Maybe you need to take a few refresher driving lessons if you are confused when driving.

Probably end of hi# teacher with others doing similar. Neither of you behaved appropriately.

Pedestrians can appear out of nowhere. Specifically children.

When I hear these stories I always ask myself the question: would he say it to a man?

It was a threat. And there are definitely middle aged women who are not above a bit of violence and some of them are the sort to drive badly too.

Most surprising thing about all this is that police turned up within 2 hours.

I'm actually a bit surprised the cops didn't at least discourage some of your behaviour and warn you that if you do that in the future it could land you in trouble rather than being sympathetic as you describe.

I'd also expect them to do the same to him.

Just today I came head to head with another driver on a single lane road. I live rurally and it is common for whichever driver is closest to the nearest passing point to reverse. He began to reverse and I assumed he intended to reverse to the junction just behind him but he then drove forward and turned onto the pavement and continued along it until he could rejoin the road. A little disconcerting but I just rose my eyebrows and continued on my way. I am not the traffic police.

I must say that most rural drivers are courteous and drive defensively, looking ahead and pulling aside in good time rather than trying to squeeze past. I give and receive 10+ waves of thanks on a routine trip to the local shops. Also today a man continued walking on a single track road in front of my car completely oblivious to my presence. When he realised he turned around with a big depreciating grin and waved his apologies. I smiled and waved back.

No such courtesy is involved when driving in unfamiliar towns and cities with confusing roundabouts and road systems with unexpected pedestrian areas. The man in question could have been helpful and given instructions or assisted the OP to take an illlegal shortcut to make sure it was safe to do so but instead chose to berate her and her mother for not following the rules. And then reported her for reacting. No wonder the police are overwhelmed.

He is a bellend. Who actually calls the police about this? He wasn’t in any way concerned for his safety, he was just being a prick and causing you grief probably because you dared to argue back. Sorry you had to meet this absolute twat OP, just be thankful you’re not his wife!

Stop it. It's absolutely not sexual harrassment. It's harassment. It's already tough for women approaching the authorities when they are sexually harassed or assaulted. This does not help, telling her to report a false claim. This man did not make a sexual advance on her.

Yes - this was the time to swear - a swift "Mind your own fucking business" without breaking your stride would have nipped this bullshit in the bud. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I am glad it went no further and that you're OK.

Reported her for threatening violence. Jesus what type of wild west is the UK where you are all 'reacting' to people by threatening to punch them? It's mad how many people think that this is a normal proportionate reaction and that he was asking for it.

Some middle aged women are built like brick shit houses, the majority of them are overweight and could probably put a bit of that heft behind a punch.

You did threaten him though?

I'm pretty sure he didn't call the police because he was scared she was going to track him down and punch him! More likely because he was angry that she dared to retaliate, rather than just crying and apologising as he would probably have preferred.

Yes, her response was ill judged. But I wouldn't say it was a police matter.

I can’t relate to this at all. I’d never have engaged with him. But then I’m a Londoner and we don’t speak to strangers 🤣

You made a mistake when you were stressed, not an unusual thing to do. I went down a one way street in London once as I got lost and a Policeman stopped me! So I totally understand how this kind of thing can happen.

He sounds like an absolute dick. And as pps have already said, I really doubt he'd have approached you if you were a man - and for him to approach your Mum clearly an elderly lady!

Be safe in the knowledge OP that this is more than likely a man who enjoys bullying women, deliberately goading them including on social media probably leaving horrible messages about them being 'dried up old hags' or suchlike. Probably still lives with his Mum living his sad little life in his bedroom. Sadly for you, that day, he decided to leave his bedroom and social media for a while to annoy a woman irl. There's lots of them sadly!

Glad the Police saw sense.

You made a driving mistake. Lots of people do. I expect he would have at some point in his life. You said sorry and acknowledged it and he should have left you alone at that point. Sounds like a repulsive drama llama looking for something to get angry about to me, who is probably a dickhead to be in a relationship with, and likely taking it out on you.

You’re bloody lucky it all ended so peacefully. In some areas, you could well have found yourself being punched after throwing a threat like that out, be it by a man or a woman. And wouldn’t that have been a lovely thing to subject your poor mum to; watching her daughter have seven bells knocked out of her because she doesn’t understand the difference between being assertive and being aggressive.

And let’s be honest, you knew it would have been taken as a threat.

Irrespective of some of the posts here keen to label you an “awful person”, the actual police have heard your version of events alongside that man’s original complaint and have decided to not move forward with it.

He was a dick, he got dickish behaviour right back. Perhaps he will learn a lesson about harassing strangers, but it seems unlikely as that sort of bloke never learns.

Just remind yourself that you can't argue with crazy.

And the more worked up and verbally aggressive someone is, the more important to keep engagement to the minimum and not argue. Deflect, avoid, de-escalate or say 'if you feel strongly, feel free to report my driving to the police' or 'yes, you are right, point taken we don't need to discuss this further' etc.

I bet half the reason he carried on like that was because you were a woman - and had he ranted like that at a man and folowed him about he might well have been punched.

You were at fault, but mistakes happen.

I know that if you were The Rock or Dolph Lundgren, he wouldn't have gone near you.

He was absolutely in the wrong, but saying you're going to punch him in the face (or that's how it came across) easily could have got you arrested. I don't agree! But that is the law. I think these days even if you balled up a tissue and threw it at someone, you could be done for assault.

He's just one of those, isn't he? Came across plenty of his type before I left London.