To not want any more people around me

[onabranch]

I am all people’d out, we are coming to the end of the 6 week holidays where I have had 3 kids with me 24/7 we have just got back from visiting family and Dh has been home this week and we are currently on our way home where older dc wants to come over as it’s bank holiday.
I feel like I want to cry, I just can’t handle any more people.
I know I can’t escape everyone at home but AIBU to say no to anyone else coming.
Everyone else wants to see them and I’m doing a family roast so they should be here, I haven’t said anything yet but they did text to say they would come over when we get back but my social battery is drained and I just can’t handle any more socialising.
Should I just be honest or suck it up so nobody feels left out.

I’m scared to out myself but I understand OP. It’s different when they’ve left, they stay for hours and they need constant ‘entertainment’ I don’t think many people understand though.

I do understand how you feel I really do but realistically you can’t exclude your older child from
a family dinner.
Rather than the stress of a roast dinner could you maybe get a takeaway or shove pizzas in the oven so there’s less stress cooking and then afterwards go for a walk hopefully not many will join you and you’ll get some peace. I’d also get DH involved sorting drinks and tell him how knackered you are and that he’ll need to do the heavy lifting in terms of chat?

Me Dh and 3 teens have been away for a week visiting family, older dc doesn’t live at home and didn’t come as they were working and we are currently driving home from staying with family and I am socially drained.

I do understand entirely! Are the younger children of school/nursery age? If so, I’m guessing they’ll be back to school very soon (Friday for my youngest!!!) Keep your eyes on the prize OP!

@onabranch

This is one of those times where, despite your exhaustion, it would be better for the family if you could gather yourself up and push through, purely because it's your own child.

Everyone will be back to their normal routine soon which will give you the opportunity to totally decompress.

I get being socially drained but immediate family are the people who will understand that and if I say I'm all peopled out and need a break they'd muck in with food prep and be happy to chat amongst themselves.

Can you ask the teens to be in charge of cooking and hosting while you have a break/ go for a walk or sit in the bath?

Because thats what you have set out for them to expect. God when me and my siblings visit my parents we usually just sit out in the garden and chat among ourselves, half the time one of us will fall asleep.

Just eat together and then say you’re worn out from seeing extended family this weekend and just going to sit with a book and cup of tea for a bit to relax.

Good to get in place that you’re not going to entertain your adult children for hours.
What will your DH be doing?

Can you text your older child and say they are really welcome but they will have to pitch in bc you are feeling exhausted?

I have young adult dc who come home regularly and I get that it’s an extra effort but mine just pitch in.

You aren’t giving much information away op but is there another reason why you are feeling so peopled out? Stress? Marriage? Neurodiversity?

If you really can’t face today then tell your dh and say you have a headache and just come down for a little while?

I don’t know why you feel the need to tell me that?!? So you’re low key telling me off because I mistakenly acted like a host when they visited in the early day, basically I tried to be nice. It’s hardly the crime of the century is it? Hopefully you feel better for telling me it’s my own fault.

Tell everyone you are exhausted and not feeling well, apologise to your eldest and postpone the family dinner to another weekend. Unpack and go to bed for a couple of hours when you’ve driven home.

But they're your child? You don't have to 'host' your child, surely? When I go to my parents houses I don't expect them to run around after me. They usually want to do that, to be fair (especially my mum!) but I still do things for myself, get them food/drinks, and tell them to sit down and let me sort things. If they are ill or tired or busy, I'll take over for them.

You have to suck it up. They want to see their parents and may really need some ‘back home’ time. Maybe after dinner, stick a family film on for everyone to watch. Not all adult DC want to chat constantly, but would like to just hang out like they used to.

I think just not having any time to myself to recharge as I have had 6 weeks with them home, Dh home as well this week, staying with parents and all being together solidly, long days out together and then seeing wider family so being constantly surrounded by so many people with no time to socially recover and now we are finally going home oldest child wants to come over so more social interaction and I don’t have it in me.
It definitely isn’t favouring anyone but it does change the day from kids doing their own thing to all the family downstairs together to see them.

Feign a migraine, leave DH to sort the roast and go and spend the afternoon alone in your room?

So weird. Don't exclude your own child just because they don't live with you anymore - how excluded will they feel. Just explain you can't 'host' and tbh they will feel better making their own drinks etc like they're a normal part of the family, instead of feeling like a guest anyway.

Can you not just see it as one last push. Have a glass of wine and smile through it

I really empathise. But I'd probably suck it up and get through. You sound ND. But you can do it. I'd probably have a drink or two and order takeaway. Then sleep as soon as I could... Good luck!

Find a way to make it easier for you - nip out to the shop, or say you have a headache and go upstairs for a bit.

Is this a step child we are talking about? I feel like there must be some missing info…

Your adult DC has relationships with their dad and siblings too, so theres no reason you need to feel they're your guest to entertain, surely? Won't they just be there chatting with the whole family? I can't imagine it ever feeling OK to tell your child they're not welcome to the family home. Would be so hurtful to be on the receiving end of that.
Tell everyone there will be no roast, because you're tired, so husband can sort food or get a takeaway or something. Use the saved time to relax on your own.
In future, know your limits for socialising. Its not a good idea to burn yourself out to such an extent your own child feels like a burden.

What time do you get home?
Any chance of telling everyone to leave you to lie down quietly for a couple of hours (headache?) then get pizza/takeaway when older kid arrives? Make life easier for yourself

I’ve put that you are being unreasonable but I also understand - I wonder whether you actually have some level of depression and might benefit from talking to your GP? Because, really having your own family drop in shouldn’t feel like you are standing on ceremony. You should be able to tell them you are a bit knackered after the holiday and would everyone be okay with a takeaway? And tell DH to sort that. If you can’t do this, then you have a DH problem on top of the other stuff, and it may be that this is why you are depressed/exhausted.

I’d recommend counselling.

I get burnt out by seeing too many people and always need time to myself to recharge but my own son? Never.

Absolutely this, when my older dc visit, they bring partners, Dgc and dogs. Visits are always very long which involves cooking, cleaning etc. I love it but its exhausting.