To think I won’t have this sort of relationship with DS as an adult? Those who have adult male DC….

[Dssss]

Are you close with him?

I have one DS and we are very close now (he’s 8). I am a single parent and he’s close with his dad but not like he is with me.

I often hear about women wanting a girl so they have a ‘best for friend’ as an adult and there’s that saying that a son is a son until he finds a wife.

As I don’t have other children I feel sad I might not have a close relationship with him when he’s older in the way I may have had with a daughter.

DS25 still lives at home with us and I love him to bits. He loves me as well

Most adult daughters are not best friends with their mothers. At all.

I think the daughters always being super close to mothers idea is as much of a myth as sons not being.

Dh is 35 and still has a really good relationship with his mum, speaks to her several times a week and we see them once a week. We also see my parents at least once a week.
My DB lives in America and speaks to both our parents daily on his walk to work.

I know that's a small sample but its my experience, I have 2 boys and hope my relationship is similar to that of their grandmother's and sons.

Edited to add myself and both my sisters in law (more so dh sister than db wife as I see her more) speak to our mums frequently too

I’m an only child and not remotely close to my mother, whereas DH speaks to his mum daily.

My brother sees more of my mum than I do (we get on fine) and DH is an only and has very regular contact with his parents, we probably see them more than mine and have just booked to go on holiday with them again next summer. I also have an only boy, and I plan to do as my MIL has largely done, welcome any partner of his with open arms, take their lead when it comes to their children, make an effort to have a genuine relationship with them. I've been known to do days out with PIL without DH if he's busy or working and I'm not

100% this. I broke up with an old boyfriend mainly because of how irritating his mother was - she was a third wheel in our relationship apart from the brief period she had her own boyfriend and she would take any opportunity she could to humiliate me, which was obviously made being with her an unpleasant experience! She was a single mother and he was her only child.

Can't speak for them all of course, but I had two sons and four daughters. Both of the sons pulled away in their early/mid teens. They came back later though! It seemed to coincide with what I call their "Alpha" stage, where they try to be the big man and assert themselves.

They are both lovely now, DS2 and I went for lunch the other day just because! ETA he is 20 btw

This. One of my male friends from school is still v close to his family. They’ve never been anything but warm and welcoming to all they met through him and adore his now wife.

Single mum to two lads aged 18 and 21 . Been just us for many years. We can talk about anything. I've always encouraged them to talk. I'm still looking forward to them moving out though lol.
Our best time's are when we have a cuppa and build Lego together. Its the one way we all connect

I have a grown up son and daughter , and though I’m probably closer to DD, I am very close to DS too

The only difference is that DS met his GF at uni and they have been together for over 10 years , DD is younger and single and I think needs me more
DD and I like shopping days , spa days etc DS would hate that !

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t mean the world to me though

I have three adult sons aged 29, 31 and almost 33 and I'm close to all of them; they're wonderful.

I live five minutes walk from my DS and DIL and see them most days. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful DIL who I love dearly, so that probably helps.

I have 5DC 3 sons and 2 daughters,my DC are all adults now I'm very close with all of my DC,my sons are 30,28 and 24 and I see them,they message me and ring me every week.
I think if you've always been close that never really goes away no matter their age.

My husband and I have a much much closer relationship with him mum than mine. I'd say that the relationship you have now, and through his teens, is everything. His with his mum was great. Mine with my mum, v difficult. His mum is one of my favourite people, and I hope their relationship is a model for how mine can be with my son when he's older. My own mum... not so much.

I have an adult son and an adult daughter, I am equally close to both of them and always have been. I am not close at all to my siblings or parents and wanted to break that cycle with my kids.

I agree with this post!
I have sons in their 30s, and it's true you have to work round the girlfriend/partner. Some are easy, some are not. Some are nice, some are not.
But you have to look past all this. I
The relationship changes as you both mature and grow older. One of the lovely upsides is that at a certain point they start to look after you instead of the other way around. Little things, like, if the weather was really bad, ringing you up and checkiing you're okay, or fixing things for you.
Then, of course, there may be grandchildren, and you may become a lot closer again, as they need your help and support.

It’s okay to feel worried but you need to change how you see it. It’s your job to raise a decent human then let them fly the nest. They’ll always be your child but you need to focus on your own life after that, without them in it so much. There shouldn’t be pressure on your son to behave in the same way he always has with you.

If you have a respectful relationship with him and any future partner there’s no reason to worry.

I’ve 2 sons and 2 daughters in their late 20s and early 30s, they are married or with partners. I do spend more time with my daughters one way or another but I still hang out with my sons. With one I often grab a quick lunch with him during the week and with the other we share a sport. My kids get on very well with each other and their dad and me so that means they often all come home for the weekend.
It really helps that we enjoy similar things like board games and sport. It makes it relaxed when we are together.

My DH and BIL both have good relationships with my MIL, who now sadly has vascular dementia. They now both have EPAs so they can manage her affairs and my SIL arranges her day to day support, as they live much closer than we do.

We visit as often as we can and my DH calls her every day.

My son is 34 and we are still very close. We confide in each other, enjoy each other’s company, make each other laugh and support each other emotionally, while respecting each other’s privacy. I would love him, even if he wasn’t my son. He is such a good man. Sometimes, I’m awed by who he’s grown into. I thank God for him every day.

Thank you! It means a lot that you took the time to tell me that. My youngest and I still do stuff - it’s just not the same as it was…. I get a lot more eye rolls these days lol.

I am close to my adult sons, I work with them.

My mother has three daughters and a son. All three daughters moved abroad and see her maybe once a year, the son moved too but came back and now lives a short drive from her and sees her several times a week. It helps that she is great with his children, and that she has provided a home office for him at her place so they can both work in the house and have lunch together.

I don’t think this is true tbh.

My DH by his own admission had a pretty much perfect childhood, but he moved out at 18 and bought his first house at 21, just before the house prices got crazy.

He sees them, he loves them, but he isn’t close to them and if it wasn’t for me his parents wouldn’t know what were up to or have pictures of the children or have much contact beyond perfunctory birthdays and Christmas celebrations.

Its strange as he does love them but just doesn’t seem to think of them much.

I can imagine our ds being similar. The most important thing is the love is there but I do think it’s simplistic to think that if you do everything ‘right’ as a mum your children will never grow apart from you.

I have 3 children, all adults now, 2 boys and 1 girl and i’d say its more personality. I am closer to eldest boy, though it was just us for many years and he has no dad on the scene. He is in his 30’s but we go on holiday together. It can depend on many things, not just gender.

I have two of each..,all adults now.
My eldest son married an Aussie and now lives in Adelaide, so we don't speak every week but we all use Whatsapp , and he randomly video calls me at very unsociable hours to have long chats. I miss him like hell but I adore his wife and when we all get together it's like he's never been away... I get the biggest hugs.
My younger son has autism and will probably always live at home so that's a bit different but my realtionship with the boys is NO different to that with my girls.
We are all still close (one daughter locally the other 200 miles away) as family.