To think I won’t have this sort of relationship with DS as an adult? Those who have adult male DC….

[Dssss]

Are you close with him?

I have one DS and we are very close now (he’s 8). I am a single parent and he’s close with his dad but not like he is with me.

I often hear about women wanting a girl so they have a ‘best for friend’ as an adult and there’s that saying that a son is a son until he finds a wife.

As I don’t have other children I feel sad I might not have a close relationship with him when he’s older in the way I may have had with a daughter.

I have 2 DS. DS2 is 19, still at home. We’re exceptionally close. I’m the one he shares everything with.The ups, the downs, the dreams and the challenges. I’m his emotional support person.
DS1 is 26 and lives with his fiancé. Their first baby is due in November.
He and I are extremely close too. We message or speak most days. He still calls to share his news with me or messages just to check in.
I’m very lucky and grateful to be close to his fiancé too. I adore her as do my mum and sister. She’s the perfect addition to our family.

Mother daughter relationships can be very difficult- a friend is definitely not guarranteed.

I agree with this. My MIL says her MIL was awful and she promised if she had sons she’d never be like that and she isn’t she’s a sweetie. I see a lot of her independently of DH we go shopping and on days out together. DH speaks to her every night on his way home from work and we regularly see them together too.
His parents and my parents get on really well too so there’s never any problems with christmases or birthdays.

Have you not seen the posts on here of women who cant stand their mothers or vice versa? Enjoy your relationship now abd continue to work on it. No point in wondering what will be or not be now.

I can imagine that it's slightly harder, and it does seem to rely on you 100% accepting their partner, even if you're not keen on them!

But I'm a daughter who left home as soon as she could. I only made short duty visits to my mother, who I wasn't remotely close to. My late DH had a great relationship with his mum, and was attentive and caring. Which she absolutely deserved because she was a lovely person

😅. Wow, generalise much?

Anyway...I think it's the generations before that have this dynamic. They aren't as close with their sons because they treated them differently to their daughters.

Thinking of my brother and dh.

My brother talks to my mother maybe five times a year.

Dh talks to his mum when he wants something or if they need to such as a family member in hospital but they don’t just call for a chit chat.

You don't know many people then.

I have a son and two daughters.
I'm not close to one daughter but close to the other. My son to be fair lives closer to me just around the corner but he is loving and caring and very in tune with both me and his dad. I couldn't wish for a better child.

I have a 17 year old boy and we are very close. He tells me his problems and I spend a lot of time giving him advice and support. He's genuinely one of my favourite people to spend time with. I've always tried to show interest in his worlds and issues, even when they were not mine necessarily. I am close to my mum but it's a more difficult relationship than with my dad and he's the one I really find it easiest to talk to. My brother is closer to my mum. I think it's rubbish that it's always daughter mother relationships that are closest.

My mum and dad are far closer to my brother and his family than I am. You reap what you sow!

I have two young adults living boys/men. I wanted a girl desperately, but actually, I am so pleased I have my sons. I think I’m as close with them as my Sister and SIL’s are with their daughters, maybe not the shopping (with one anyway), but we share so many likes in common.
Therd have been times when they were growing up when they did seem closer with my husband (their dad), but other times it’s been with me. My 17 yr old always comes to me now, but still has a great relationship with his dad. The eldest goes to my husband first, but in his early teens it would always be me.
As it’s just you and him, it’s likely that you’ll be very close, as long as you nurture it. Be prepared, the teens can be really tough, but they do come through.

I have an exceptional relationship with my son (now 18). Be there for him, support, listen, teach him how to treat women, set an example by not putting up with nonsense from him or from others, treat him with respect and expect it back…all these things will keep him close but also allow him to learn and become independent.

A big thing I’ve always done is make sure that I was supportive of him being in a relationship, and have offered support to his girlfriend in the same way I would with him. I don’t know if they will be together in the future (I expect they will as they’ve been ‘dating’ since they were 13) but if they are, I know she isn’t my ‘rival’ and she won’t see me as someone who is trying not to let my son grow up and leave.

Right as I speak they are sat in front of me on a plane for our second holiday together this year. I try my best not to be the stereotypical ‘boy mom’ and instead to be mother he needs to become a good and independent man, and the mother in law I would want to have. Otherwise I’m risking alienating both of them and not seeing as much as I wanted.

TLDR: my boyo is my buddy and we are very close. Be a mum he can open up to and rely on and you’ll be close with yours too

I knew a girl who's mother was determined to be her "best friend" and she barely speaks to her mum now. She would co-ordinate their outfits, not quite "matchy matchy" but close, insist that they went everywhere together. As she got older her mum wanted to go with her to parties and socialising! It was excrutiating to watch, I remember my mum saying she needed to get some proper friends and leave her DD alone.

Honestly just try to be the best mum you can be and hopefully he'll appreciate that when he gets older.

I can't stand my mother as she was a terrible parent when I was growing up and hasn't changed. She wonders why nobody wants to talk to or see her as she has no self awareness. I see her as little as humanly possible.

My brother is/was the golden boy but since getting married sees her much less as he's busy and she's already started blaming her DIL for it.

My husband and his brothers are all close with their mum, and dad. One brother holidays with them still (single in 40s, successful career, lives independently abroad). My husband calls his mum daily, usually just to say hi for a few mins, sometimes when I’m there or with the kids. His parents are lovely, we see them every few months for a week, as we live a short plane ride away. He’s definitely a mammy’s boy, but she’s done a great job, I hope I have the same kind of relationship with my son!

My DH doesn't talk to his mum loads. I probably talk to her more, but there's a lot of love and respect there going both ways. DH is a quiet man anyway, she knows that. I always make him pick her gifts though, and she knows I do. It means a lot to her that he does.

That's very odd behaviour I have to say.

No wonder the daughter distanced herself...

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You only have to look on SM to see how many women try to do this. There was a woman who used to go out with her DD in town a lot, we would see her flirting with guys half her age and insisting people thought that they were sisters. Very odd, and very desperate.

Who knows what the future holds, but me and DC17 are very close and love to chill together. We both have v active social lives (him more so, but I am busy) but love to watch tv together. Try to enjoy now…

Agree with the posters who have said it's a bad idea to try and make your child your best friend. They are not and shouldn't be, it's a really unhealthy dynamic for both of you. Nor should your child be expected to tell you everything once they get beyond a certain age. It's suggests enmeshment which again is an unhealthy dynamic.

Children grow up and leave home and we become less important to them, and that's as it should be. But I think you can start the work on building a healthy adult relationship with him now. Make sure he understands that it's not his job to manage your feelings and that he doesn't need you to approve of every single choice he makes. That way he won't need to distance himself and be secretive, either. And you can have activities you do together that can continue to adulthood, like traditions for the pair of you - a trip once a year, a favourite restaurant, a sports thing, whatever suits. Something you have in common. (Speaking as a LC daughter married to a DH who barely speaks to his mother, even though she doesn't live very far away).

Agree with @zapperpapper
In his teen years I drove DS to a lot of sport practices and matches and that built a good foundation of easy going chats. He has come home to live after university as this is where he got a job but has a strong, independent social life. We have holidayed together the last 4 years but he has also holidayed with mates. I would say we have a good relationship.

My sons are 18 and 20 and I’ve been invited to spend some of their gap year with them (only 10 days or so). I’m still their main ‘person’ for phone calls, chats, etc and we still have a close relationship.

It will inevitably evolve as relationships happen but hopefully we’ll find a balance.

I love all these positive stories. I feel like this is where we are headed. We get on great, holiday together (at 17), but he also goes with friends. No pressure. I keep myself busy - I think it’s important as a single parent of one that you have your own life.

I have 3 sons - 21, 18 and 14. I was much closer with all of them than they were their dad. My youngest and I were inseparable until early this year, not long after he turned 14. Since then I’ve noticed he’s massively pulled away. I knew it would happen, it did with the older 2 as well. It does make me sad - I remember him at 10 telling me how he would buy a house next door to me so he could live next to me when he was a grown up, or how he’d insist that he’d come and see me every day. Now I’m lucky if I get a “morning” when he gets up! Think it hits harder when you know you aren’t having any more children.

I hope that once we are fully through the teenage years, I regain some closeness. My middle son is still very close, but not as much as younger. I will always love them all and just hope that if/when they have relationships, I get on well with their partners so that I can continue to be in their lives.