To think I won’t have this sort of relationship with DS as an adult? Those who have adult male DC….

[Dssss]

Are you close with him?

I have one DS and we are very close now (he’s 8). I am a single parent and he’s close with his dad but not like he is with me.

I often hear about women wanting a girl so they have a ‘best for friend’ as an adult and there’s that saying that a son is a son until he finds a wife.

As I don’t have other children I feel sad I might not have a close relationship with him when he’s older in the way I may have had with a daughter.

I have two sons and one daughter, all teens. Tbh I don’t give this much thought. What will be will be. I try to be a good mother, and I adore them all. Who knows? We can only live in the present. It’s their decision as adults how much they would like to see me, I for one, will always love them.

The only men I know who don’t have close relationships with their mothers as adults are when the mother tries to pitch themselves against wives or girlfriends. I think if you’re welcoming to people in their life then you continue to be close.

I have a dd aged 28 & a ds aged 24. Im a single mother since pregnant on ds so it’s always been just the 3 of us.
im extremely close to both my kids. I wouldn’t say ds is any less than dd. They tell me everything & we all enjoy each others company.
What I will say is, make sure you’re not just friends with your ds, that he knows you’re his mother first.
I knew my ds would be taller than me & I made sure from the start that I had his respect & he knew I was the boss. Not in a dictator kind of way but you know what I mean.

I have two adult sons, early 20s. Both working and living independently and in relationships.

We are in contact every day through messages/ social media and I would speak to one or both of them on the phone most days. See the one who lives nearby weekly at least. They still seek out and appreciate advice, help, all the motherly things! And sometimes just want to hang out.

ETA: I've never had a close, friend-type relationship with my mum btw.

That is a very outdated, sexist mindset

Or the wives have put up a barrier up as all MILs can do no right. Men are not allowed to be close to their mothers on here or they are ‘mummy boys’. It’s pathetic

I have 3 adult sons, earlier this year I went on holiday with them all plus their partners and had a great time!

I have 2 sons in their early thirties. I’m very close to both of them and their lovely partners. And now grandchildren as they begin to join our lives.

Do you have an adult son who has pulled away from you?

The way to stay close with your son is to make his partner feel welcome and not do what my SIL does and make her DILs feel like they aren't good enough for her sons.

One of my nephews rarely visits his mum now.

I have a son and daughter in their thirties. I was a lone parent since they were very small. My daughter and I clashed a lot during her teens and we have never had that very close friend-like relationship.

My son and I have a very close relationship, he is married and I love my daughter in law. We see each other a lot, go on trips together, just enjoy each others company.

I have a very close relationship with my teen granddaughter who is a different type of personality from my daughter.

I think it's more dependent on personality than sex as to how close you'll be to your adult children.

I am divorced remarried married mother of one of each DS and DD. I am very close to both and each relationship is unique. My DS and I talk as easily and as often as DD and I and they are also close to each other. I do feel I was lucky with my dc..easy to raise both of them. Both successful and happy.

with DS I do talk weekly I see 2 or 3 times a month and he’s in full time school and I work almost full time and he lives 2 hrs away. If you are close now just keep that closeness going. Each age is unique but you’re building a relationship and the foundation is already in place by 8. Close now close as they grow up.

do you cook? My ds loves a home cooked meal and I do help with cleaning and laundry when I visit. We do it together and talk the whole time while doing it.

talking regularly is important so the relationship remains fluid with conversation picking up where you left off

My male cousins are both round my aunties several times a week. My auntie, not blood relative, married in, is lovely.

DH doesn't see his mum at all because they were both dickish and neither will apologise.

@Dssss - I have three sons, aged 29, 31 and 33, and I can honestly say I am as close to them as I was when they were younger, even though one lives 8 hours drive from us, and another has emigrated to Australia.

What a ridiculous thing to be sad about. You are a parent and we dont have children to be their best friends when they are adults. Trying to be besties with your kids is a recipe for disaster. Just get on with parenting your son.

I was very close to my son, now late 20s as he was growing up, as he’s left home and has a fiancé , we are less close in terms of time we spend together and only see or speak once a week or so now. We have spoken about this and are both fine knowing I’m always available when needed. I have, along with my husband made it clear we will support his relationship and have been intentional about choosing to love his fiancé and spend time with them as a couple. I’d hope to be a big part of his children’s life if they have them.

Well I don't talk to my Mum (it's mutual she doesn't talk to me either) and my brother contacts her regularly although is geographically distant so it's not always true.

Yeah-because it’s ALWAYS the mother’s fault…

I have adult DD and DS. He calls me more often than she does. Probably three times a week to her once a week.

DS is 26 but we still go on little holidays together. I really get on with his DP and am generous with gifts for her. I would like to think I am very respectful of her position in DS life.

Try not to worry!

That’s not what I said…

I think it depends how you nurture not only your relationship with your son but in future the relationship with his partners and/or husband/wife.

My husband has never had a good relationship with his mum and it’s not for the want of trying. We have been together 18yrs and have two DC. We see her all the time, at one point she even lived with us. She makes all of us miserable. She lies about everything, turns everything into a negative, the list goes on. She favours my BIL it’s plain as day. She slags off my SIL and I’m sure she does the same thing about me and my family. We would love to go LC or NC with her but unfortunately due to our upbringing feel we can’t - we have had a lot of therapy about this!

Our relationship with her is 100% what she has made it and we are very aware it will never change.

I have 2 adult DS in their 20s and get on great with both of them. I think it's important to treat them like adults rather than still your little boys, but still be the one they can turn to when they need motherly advice. Neither live in the same town as me any more but one is close enough for us to play a sport together every week, and the other phones several times a week, so still very close. One lives with his partner who I get on well with - she doesn't get on with her own DM so I think appreciates that she can talk to me. She thinks the world of DS and he is happy, so that's all that matters to me.

I've got two adult sons and three adult daughters.

One son I am not so close to, he was always very independent and still is. I do have a great relationship with his wife, otherwise I'd never know what he was up to! My other son I have a much closer relationship with. Although he is married now with a child, so obviously busy and his attention is with his family rather than me, he will still message me randomly or pop over if they are out for a walk.

I'm closer, probably, to my daughters, but that is partly geographical and partly that they invite me round more - having partners but not having children means they are more often at a loose end and want a shopping companion or a chat over coffee.

So I would say it's more down to lifestyle and circumstance than sex.

You sound like a lovely mum who adores her son. Of course you will be close to him when he's an adult. 😃

It's a myth that all boys aren't arsed with their parents and all girls are there all the time! IME, girls are a bit more likely to be close - especially to mum - in their adulthood, but many boys stay close too. My DH was hugely close to his mum, she was like his best friend, and luckily she liked me! 😆 My brother was close to my mum too. Closer than I was. I was a daddy's girl.

My BFF has 3 kids, 2 girls and 1 boy, (all in their 20s and all left home) and only the boy bothers keeping in touch weekly, the 2 girls only get in touch about once a month. Usually when they want something. 😆

I have adult sons. We are close with all of them. 3 of them live very close by and often drop in for a coffee on the way back from the gym, we get together for meals or to watch a football match. My youngest is in a band and we often all go to gigs together. My eldest lives further away with his fiancé but we message most days and send photos and silly reels etc. I don't think you should assume that you won't have a close relationship just because you have a son and not a daughter. My two best friends have adult daughters and they often fall out and don't speak for a while!