AIBU to prefer time with my children over using babysitters?

[Cherrytree696]

The other day someone in my close family (one of the grandparents to my children) expressed that they find it annoying that I very rarely seek babysitters as I always want to be with my kids. This person said that I was dependent on my kids and on turn I was making them dependent on me.

For context, I have 2 children and I am a teacher. My husband works in a hospital. I am part-time and he is full time. My kids are of school age/nursery age so they attend that during the week. I've never felt the need to spend much time away from them on my days off and really value the time we get to spend as a 4 on days off and holidays etc ...

If I go out my husband generally looks after them and vice versa. We do have date nights out but they aren't very often.

Is this weird?

(I would like to highlight that nobody has ever really offered to babysit them and I've been okay with this. I am not unhappy and neither is my husband - just wanting to know what other people have)

Thanks!

My kids are 8 and 4 and we've never used a babysitter. They are both really confident and independent for their ages, DD (8) skipped off for a 2 night brownie camp with no issues and has recently started having sleepovers happily. DS (4) goes to preschool and happily goes for the occasional playdate without me if it's a family we know well. DH and I do go out separately, but for the most part we're happy to take them along to things we want to do, or hang out at home together after they are in bed. It's just never been an issue. Maybe because I think 4 is the youngest age I'd leave them with a teenage babysitter and DS was born when DD was 4, and now I'm pregnant again. By the time this one is old enough maybe DD can be the babysitter!

@Swissmeringue

Babysitters don't have to be teenagers?

The ones we have have been nursery workers, TAs, and our current one is a teacher

Who said I do not have close family?

I loved the fact grandparents and other relatives got to spoil our child and they all got to spend time together yes shock horror even overnights

Isn’t this what everyone does?!

you’re saying - either you or your husband goes out and of course the other has the kids. And if you go out together , you get family to babysit? I feel like this is totally normal and not martyr like?

if you’re saying- you and your husband are invited places like weddings, social stuff with friends and you are turning it down as you want to spend all your time with your kids then that’s different?

Not weird but from my experience being a child it is a good idea to introduce some childcare that is not one of you. My parents did not do that and then when I was older tried to leave me overnight and I found it very hard, even though I was I was used to a childminder it was the night thing. However that may have just been my autism and needing to get used to change.

I don't have anyone confident enough to babysit but my little one does go to our local hospice for a couple of nights most months. His care is literally 24/7, his medication routine starts at midnight with multiple meds given every 2-3 hours, he is fed for around 20 hours a day meaning I need to change his milk every 4 hours even overnight and he needs turning when in bed to prevent pressure sores (he can't turn himself). Without a couple of days off a month I would be completely broken.

I thought that’s what you meant when you said you have no one to trust, I suppose I am close with my cousin but wouldn’t trust him with my 5 year old but can you not trust any family member when your kids are in bed?

I don't think it's always that black and white though...some grandparents just aren't very child orientated or interested/relatable etc and kids will pick up on that.I wouldn't want to leave my children in the care of someone who didn't want to be looking after them.Left DD1 ONCE with the in-laws whilst in hospital having DD2..they were ringing after awhile asking when we were coming home as they were tired (they weren't very old so wasn't that).They also moaned about having to look after their other grandchild who they had quite regularly.