To expect MoH to refund hen accommodation after we were refused access?

[Hennightmare]

I attended a hen party at the weekend - Friday to Sunday, staying close to a seaside resort in a private accommodation. I paid my share in advance - nearly £300.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the owner who refused entry on the basis that hen parties (and same sex groups/stags) are not allowed and this is stated in the booking terms and conditions and elsewhere on the website. Despite reasoning, the owner was not backing down, and said there’d been an incident with a same sex group two weekends ago which required costly repairs.

MoH said she was aware of other hens who had stayed and this is how she found the place on instagram. She was told no refund would be given as there wouldn’t be time to let it again for the weekend.

We managed to find budget hotel rooms in the area but this scuppered the plans which were in place for the house - games etc.

I have looked myself and it is prominent on the website about the rules around hen parties etc. It is clear there has been inconsistent approaches in the past though.

Should the MoH cover us for her mistake? I am out of pocket after the hotel booking.

YABU - suck it up, it happened
YANBU - her mistake, she should offer to cover it

The MoH "covered the cost of the second accommodation for me" (£130). MoH received a £300 refund from the owner, so she would only have to outlay £610 to refund the other 7 women (130 x 7 - 300). I think she should do that instead.

That’s so cheeky that they have both talked about it and agreed to how to spend everyone else’s money yet again.

also the cropped email.

That's crazy, surely the bride to be isnt going to accept a spa day paid for by the hens who are already out of pocket

That is next level CF - she fucked up, someone else initiated getting money returned and then she wants to keep the whole refund to treat herself and the bride whilst the person responsible for getting the money back gets nothing 🤣 She seems to think her MOH status gives her some sort of license to be an absolute dick as you can’t speak up to her as it will upset the bride. Surely you can’t let her get away with this.

The other hens absolutely did look. They saw the instagram listing where MoH found the venue. At that point the T&Cs said hens at the discretion of the owner. They asked to see the booking email and were told MOH had lost it. What they didn’t see was MoH not disclosing that it was a hen at any point - it was only after the previous party caused damage to the property that the owner banned hens outright and offered a refund.

And what on earth was MoH doing refusing that refund without asking the people whose money it actually was ? All she had to do was tell the rest of the group and if they had decided to go ahead there would have been no come back on her.

As if that wasn’t enough she made snotty comments about the £300 these people lost being an average night out for her, and then she and the bride tried to bribe OP not to tell the rest of the group what actually happened. The bride clearly doesn’t give a shit because she’s not out of pocket, having had her share paid for by MoH on both occasions. MoH took on the job and made a dog’s dinner of it - she gambled with other people’s money and lost. She needs to compensate them.

I would transfer the money back and message her telling her to add it to the £300 refund and split £430 between everyone and that will be the end of it.

I felt sorry for the bride right up until she and MoH tried to bribe OP to keep quiet about what actually happened.

This is what you need to do.

Chime up that you want the £20 op see if they call out that you already got cash 😉

MoH was under the impression that entry was via keysafe. She didn’t bank on the owner turning up to check. From that point on it all fell apart because the owner rumbled that it was a hen.

Beggars belief doesn’t it ? MoH messed up the hen weekend, everyone is out of pocket and she and the bride get a nice spa day out of it - and after essentially bribing the OP to keep quiet. The two of them deserve each other. I doubt I would be attending the wedding if it were me - bad taste in the mouth.

Confused at how many people are supporting the MoH!!

she deliberately ignored the email saying no hen parties!! She knew!!! No mistake. Took the money and carried on. Now only giving refund to OP and then choosing to spend the 10% refund from owner on herself!!!! She’s also only shared a selection of the email.

You could always send it back and ask them to add it to the refund so everyone gets a fair share, no matter how small. This is going to come back to bite you if you keep quiet OP. The behaviour of both MoH and the bride has been appalling in trying to cover this up. If they’re put on the spot they’ll throw you under the bus to take the heat off themselves. I wouldn’t trust either of them as far as I could throw them. I wonder if the group would be so keen that the refunded money be used to treat MoH and the bride if they knew what had really happened.

I think the bride and the MoH deserve each other. Not impressed with OP keeping the money either. And these people call themselves friends !!

Yeah, and that £610 is only "2 Friday nights out" for her!

No way.

The only decent thing you can do is message the MOH and tell her that her suggestion of a spa day is outrageous, and that unless she refunds everyone - after all, as she keeps saying, she sees it as such a small amount (!) - you will be telling everyone the details of why you were refused entry.

Give her 12 hours to refund everyone - with or without the full story is up to her - but after that you'll be giving everyone the full story. I'd also be tempted to point out to her that 300 quid might be fuck all to her, but it's not to everyone else, and she's not helping herself by banging on about that either!

Where's the Fonz ski-jumping over Jaws gif when I need it?

it sounds like
a) you were planning alone, which, while it might mean you do everything by yourself is less faff than planning via committee with multiple bridesmaids, maids of honour, bride's mum all getting involved before you even speak to the 'normal' hens etc.
b)most people will ask for a deposit rather than expect everyone to pay upfront = twice the chasing
c) how many attended this party, out of interest?
d) what you've described is literally just booking a hotel, not everything else - arranging transport, what time everyone will get there, where you'll eat, what allegies everyone has, if everyone will get there in time for the only time the restaurant can accept a big group, any fancy dress, who is paying for the bride, is everyone paying for their own meals, oh no, now the restaurant wants payment upfront so you have to go back to them, right now they want orders up front as well so you have to book that, now someone is asking how you'll get back and forth to the restaurant from the hotel, will you be walking or getting taxis, what are we doing after the restaurant, now you have to sort somewhere else to go so you find a cocktail bar, but they also want a deposit to reserve a space, half the group don't want to go there....and that's just the first day!

basically you can have easy hens with 5 women who are all part of the same friendship group, are easy going and fair with money, going for a meal and a few drinks. Or you can be expected to try and wrangle 20 women on a flight to marbella, from 4 different stages of the bride's life, most of whom don't know the others, some of whom YOU don't know, and who all have completely different ideas about money, fun, and organisation.

And to make it worse you can't be too harsh with them and say 'Oi, Emily you tightwad, I've asked you 3 times for the deposit, send it over or you're out!' because they are the bride's friends/future in-laws/colleagues rather than yours.

Hen parties are the only type of activity where the main person sets out a list of demands preferences and then fucks off without doing any of the organisation!

This 'friendship' group is pretty fucked, OP, and i think the wedding is going to be super awkward.

If the other hens find out you've had a £130 refund then things will really kick off.

I think you need to message the MoH as per @GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut above.

I can't believe the cheek of MoH and B2B keeping the paltry refund to treat themselves!

I would be advising the B2B that I would not be attending.

Well I can see why you are a friend of a bride then. Birds of feather and all that.
how adamant you were until you were paid off.

Agreed. Although I think the bride should pay half because really the hen party is part of her wedding.

Spending the money on a spa day is batshit I agree.

Tempting to post "Confused......why have I had a payment of £130 to my account MOH?"

Yeah, you keeping the money and staying quiet is shady. The MOH and bride pocketing the £300 refund is shady. None of you are doing the right thing.

You should pay back the £130 and decide whether to share your knowledge about the booking. Honestly, I would have kept quiet about the £130 and the booking before the wedding for the bride’s sake but after the spa plan I’d be more tempted to spill. Shit behaviour all round.

I completely agree, everyone should have done their own due diligence and checked they are happy with the accommodation. The OP even admits to having a glance but missed the all important part about no hens. How did 8 people all miss this, they missed because they couldn't be bothered to look and left it all for her to sort.