To expect MoH to refund hen accommodation after we were refused access?

[Hennightmare]

I attended a hen party at the weekend - Friday to Sunday, staying close to a seaside resort in a private accommodation. I paid my share in advance - nearly £300.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the owner who refused entry on the basis that hen parties (and same sex groups/stags) are not allowed and this is stated in the booking terms and conditions and elsewhere on the website. Despite reasoning, the owner was not backing down, and said there’d been an incident with a same sex group two weekends ago which required costly repairs.

MoH said she was aware of other hens who had stayed and this is how she found the place on instagram. She was told no refund would be given as there wouldn’t be time to let it again for the weekend.

We managed to find budget hotel rooms in the area but this scuppered the plans which were in place for the house - games etc.

I have looked myself and it is prominent on the website about the rules around hen parties etc. It is clear there has been inconsistent approaches in the past though.

Should the MoH cover us for her mistake? I am out of pocket after the hotel booking.

YABU - suck it up, it happened
YANBU - her mistake, she should offer to cover it

Owner response has been screen
-shotted into the group chat. He has basically generically apologised for any inconvenience and said he can’t provide any details as the girl who made contact wasn’t the person who booked it. He said he has sent an email to the booking party which she is welcome to share if she chooses. MoH hasn’t said anything yet as only just shared, she hasn’t left the group either.

MOH and Bride are really shady people OP. Being that the party is supposed to be composed with her most dear friends. Trying ro screw them over and hide things from them shows their character

please explain

This has already been explained multiple times? she believed she would get away with it, as most people do get away with it.

These types of houses almost always say no stags/ hens, but people book them anyway for stags/ hens and normally it's fine.

I myself went on a hen a couple of years ago in a large country house that stated it doesn't allow hen parties. We were just careful not to mention it was a hen, not to get wild drunk and to be respectful of the property. This is how it usually goes.

She obviously believed it was possible to get away with it, otherwise she would have made different choices. Or are you suggesting that she wanted to be in this position?

We were just careful not to mention it was a hen, not to get wild drunk and to be respectful of the property. This is how it usually goes.

We. The import word there is We. Because you all knew that rules were being broken in that situation and were all aware of the potential consequences. Not like this time where only one person knew and is actually bribing people to keep it secret!

If it was just the initial booking then yes I would agree with you entirely. There will be loads of hens that have done it
However she had an email to say that they'd had an incident and absolutely no hens would be allowed. She was offered a refund. She would not have been offered a refund if they were going to get away with it. That is obvious. She thought the rules did not apply to her. This is the point that we will never agree. This is the point she should have said look everyone this has happened what shall we do. I bet if she'd paid it upfront and they were paying on the day she wouldn't have done it.
I might have been a little more lenient had she not belittled how much 300 quid was.

I agree with you on everything else OP, including that the MOH is completely at fault (and that sometimes MN's do over-exaggerate very straightforward 'life admin' etc into herculean obstacles) but honestly planning a hen party is a fucking nightmare, so much worse than any other event or activity I've ever sorted.

I get that it was probably stressful and she got the email and thought I’ll just chance it BUT that wasn’t her choice to make. If she had told the hens and they’d collectively decided to chance it, then fair enough. It would be a shared cost as it was a shared, informed risk. Making the decision herself made it HER risk therefore her responsibility when it didn’t work out. She had the opportunity to share the email and everyone get refunded. She ignored it.
i do think it’s bad form to not check the listing though - I’ve been on several hens where we’ve paid for accommodation and I’ve always checked it myself as I like to know what I’m paying for!

right, and I agree she made a bad judgement at that point.
But at that point the accommodation had been booked for months and she was probably worried about it all falling apart and not being able to find somewhere else at last minute. She was in a tricky situation, but she made the wrong call.

Actually I don't think everyone did know. I'm trying to remember . The whole thing was organised by the MOH who was the brides sister. I was a bridesmaid so was in the know about all the details but as I recall she didn't consult with the whole group as it would have created an organisational nightmare.

She obviously believed it was possible to get away with it, otherwise she would have made different choices.

No …… she is so fucking arrogant she didn’t think, nor care, what she was doing with the money of others.
After all £300 is a night out to her,
it’s not 2016 (still can’t get my head around this one 🤷🏼‍♀️🥴) and she’s paying £2k to go on another hen do.
The pair of them are sly bitches and have been called out.
If she wants it to go away before the wedding she needs to cough up the £2400 of other people’s money that she wasted because she thought she was being clever.
The atmosphere is going to be frosty for the wedding now anyway which she could have avoided.

Clearly she has made at least two mistakes as you have stated in your above post. I would say that she has made a further (big) mistake by trying to 'bribe' OP to keep silent by giving only her a refund with a non-disclosure agreement that OP hasn't actually agreed to.

I guess it's possible they are both just mega rich, sly bitches , who were more than happy to screw their friends out of £££s and wreck their own hen/ wedding in the process... 💁🏼‍♀️

Or...
they just made some poor /
sloppy decisions in a difficult situation in the hopes it would all work out, and now don't have the funds to pay out thousands in compensation...

I agree that the refund for keeping quiet thing is utterly bizarre and I can't make sense of that.

If you can’t afford to fix your fuck up don’t be in charge of things involving other peoples money.

I had some sympathy for your plight earlier in the thread but this is just rude.

What a horrid situation, for everyone concerned. I’ve read the whole thread and agree that the MoH messed up badly.

I really don’t know how this would pan out in law/ the SCC though. It was a person ‘helping out’ rather than being paid to make the booking, and it seems that everyone let her get on with it (though it seems she withheld info). I wonder what a judge would make of it. They can be surprising (I’ve lost a SCC case I was sure I’d win, and won one I thought I’d lose). I can’t see MoH or bride being that forthcoming with evidence around the booking either.

I hope it gets sorted out and the bride has a nice wedding.

Team MOH. Honestly the fuss being made over an extra 130 pounds. She probably spent hours arranging it and didn’t have time to rearrange when he said no hens just before you were supposed to go.
I did ask if the owner had the list of names and dobs before you arrived? If so he must have known it was a group of women. Surely this can be used as a reason to be refunded? He knew before you got there.
And yes I’ve read all your answers

And that was the point I was making…we all manage basic life admin but trying to navigate 9 women’s opinions on what activities, place, accommodation, lord even pinning a group of people down to one weekend during the summer?!! Is an utter nightmare. I hate planning any events for this reason.

I think what makes things like this worse is that, more often than not, people attending aren’t quick to jump in with the “admin” support but they’re bloody quick as hell to shoot you down if something doesn’t go to plan.

Yep it’s so much easier just to do nothing turn up and find fault

Honestly, I don't understand why it's so difficult.

I told everyone the date, the location, the venue, and the cost of the trip - accommodation, activities, meals.

I also gave a cut off date for replies. If accepting, money required at the time of acceptance.

Each person invited decided whether they can or can't go.

Final numbers - rooms booked - job done.

It doesn't need to be difficult.

To those PP feeling sorry for this MoH - she offered to arrange the hen weekend, refused offers of help, insisted on paying for the bride, booked somewhere which 'might not' accept a hen party, was told 2 weeks before that it definitely would NOT accept hen parties, and offered a refund.
It was not up to her at that point to accept the risk for everyone.
Alternative arrangements could have been made, by another hen if she was too busy.

And her dismissal of losing £300 as 'just the cost of a night out' is very poor - to some people that would be a whole month's disposable income.

She should be refunding at least the cost of the alternative accommodation.

why do people keep saying 'refund'? How can she refund the money? She doesn't have the group's money. What you are actually saying is you want her to PAY 2400 because you're not happy with the decisions she made.

I would bet my house that everyone here has been on a group event where they had no idea of situations like this taking place in the background.

Also use of the word 'gambled' is setting my teeth on edge. I'd love to know what big payout she was hoping for because I wouldn't describe getting to stay somewhere you've paid double for a big win.

It's not an extra 130
If they'd booked hotel in first place it would have been 130
They booked house at a cost of 300
They didn't get that back then paid extra 130
They're 300 out of pocket not 130

@Hennightmare there’s quite a few questionable points you’ve made OP and genuinely, I think the party is unreasonable to expect the MoH to pay the money out of her own pocket.

I am able to read, thankfully…so I’ve quoted some of your posts to explain why I think differently to you:

“•It was booked months ago so prior to the incident mentioned.
•I did see the listing prior to booking, but was looking at the key details such as photo’s and whether bedding/towels are provided as opposed to trawling the T&C’s
•MoH was informed the day before that the owner would greet us as opposed to key safe which was what listing mentioned.
•I have looked myself and it is prominent on the website about the rules around hen parties etc. It is clear there has been inconsistent approaches in the past though.”

-So it wasn’t clear, people had got away with it and she only actually found out the owner would be there, and not the key safe, the night before. Therefore up until the night before, you should have been fine to enter the property as many other hen parties had previously.

“• I don’t know the ins and outs of MoH’s finances but I’m led to believe she’d have no issue reimbursing the cost, fwiw.
• One of the girls relayed to me a comment she made on the night we were refused entry. It was along the lines of shrugged shoulders, ‘£300 is my Friday night in London these days’ as if it was an insignificant amount to just write off.”

-Hearsay. You’ve formed an opinion on her financial status via hearsay. Also, not accounting for the fact that she may have made the comment on £300 because she felt incredibly embarrassed and was hoping to play it down in hope of it not overshadowing the entire weekend?

“•She clearly hasn’t read the one which clearly stated the MoH was offered assistance with booking and declined. Or the one which stated we had sight of the accommodation listing.”

-Maybe if you’d all have been as insistent or enthusiastic about helping with the planning and reading of the small print then it could have been avoided? Ironic really that you earlier accused @Lacksie of being unable to read when this entire issue could’ve been resolved if you’d all read further into the accommodation, other than to check photos and if it had towels 😕🫠

I hope you all manage to reach a reasonable conclusion that doesn’t just ambush one individual 🙏🏽

Sorry but I agree with the OP, have you read the thread?

Firstly, the MOH was offered help and she declined. Secondly the rest of the hens offered to help cover the brides costs and the MOH declined.

The MOH booked premises which state on the T&C's that Hen/Stag do's are only allowed with prior permission, she did not get this prior permission. Then when the landlord contacted her 14 days before hand enforcing they do not accept hen/stag do's so if you are one, speak now and I will give you a full refund, she ignored it and went ahead anyway.

When they rocked up at the weekend, and were challenged by the landlord, she conveniently did not have the booking forms with her....really? She admitted all this herself to the bride, who repeated it to the OP.

If it was a genuine mistake, you take responsibility and apologise, she did not, in fact she is trying to deflect and her comments to the group are quite demeaning and bullying. And now she is trying to divide and conquer. You do not offer a refund to one, on the grounds they keep quiet, if you are innocent. End Of!