To expect MoH to refund hen accommodation after we were refused access?

[Hennightmare]

I attended a hen party at the weekend - Friday to Sunday, staying close to a seaside resort in a private accommodation. I paid my share in advance - nearly £300.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the owner who refused entry on the basis that hen parties (and same sex groups/stags) are not allowed and this is stated in the booking terms and conditions and elsewhere on the website. Despite reasoning, the owner was not backing down, and said there’d been an incident with a same sex group two weekends ago which required costly repairs.

MoH said she was aware of other hens who had stayed and this is how she found the place on instagram. She was told no refund would be given as there wouldn’t be time to let it again for the weekend.

We managed to find budget hotel rooms in the area but this scuppered the plans which were in place for the house - games etc.

I have looked myself and it is prominent on the website about the rules around hen parties etc. It is clear there has been inconsistent approaches in the past though.

Should the MoH cover us for her mistake? I am out of pocket after the hotel booking.

YABU - suck it up, it happened
YANBU - her mistake, she should offer to cover it

@Hennightmare Clearly the bride and MoH are trying to keep the agro to a minimum before the wedding.
I agree that all or none should be compensated. Now she's given you money back it's only fair the rest are too.

This whole situation could really escalate.

I think you should be coming up with sensible solutions. I'm guessing you're moaning on here rather than causing problems in the group which is good.

A simple message to the MoH saying “thank you for refunding the alternative accommodation. The fairest thing for you to do now is offer the same to everyone on the group chat.”

That way you’re not saying that you’ll tell anyone because in an ideal world you won’t have to. She should be offering. And she can’t really argue with that being the fairest thing to do. It also implies that despite her paying you, you are unlikely to just drop this now.

What if she can’t afford it.

MOH has already said that £300 is a Friday night out for her, so to refund another £910 (130 x 7) is 3 Fridays she has wind in her spending a bit to sort the mess out that she created

(though obvs they may still want the £300 each back that she arbitrarily decided to gamble with re: the nicer accom)

They needed to cancel and find somewhere else anyway!

I understand but she didn't know that at the time. Yes in hindsight it was the wrong decision, but at the time she believed it would be ok - usually in these situations it is. in this case it wasn't.

If it were me I'd be pissed off at the requirement to pay an extra 130 for budget accommodation when I had already paid £300. The MOH made a mistake and imo she should have admitted that and sincerely apologised to the group.

But I also would have acknowledged that she arranged the whole weekend, paid a whole lot extra herself (for the bride and activities) and that she was in a difficult situation, given the position had changed at the very last minute. I certainly wouldn't expect her to pay out the best part of 3,000 ££s in compensation for her mistake.

A simple message to the MoH saying “thank you for refunding the alternative accommodation. The fairest thing for you to do now is offer the same to everyone on the group chat.”

Definitely this

She did know she had an email offering a refund

You are wasting your time with that one. Deliberately provocative (or perhaps, she is the MoH in disguise!)

not at all, many air bnb sites have this rule, no parties, hen weekends,
stag weekends, childrens parties, all bases covered -

“trashing the venue all over reviews?”

hmm ?

Sorry the bride is no better than MOH, just as dishonest. I would reconsider my friendship with her.

I don't think we can keep going round in circles. Perhaps we have to just agree to disagree?

Yes she knew she had an offer of a refund, but that would have meant finding somewhere else at the last minute, and there was no guarantee that something suitable could be found - especially since almost all of these types of houses say no hens, and most will have been booked up months ago anyway (especially over the summer).

She was trying to ensure the weekend went ahead for her friend instead of everything falling apart at the last minute. In fact everything fell apart anyway so it would have been better to at least get the refund, but she didn't know this would be the outcome. She believed they could get away with it; in most situations people do, I've been on such a hen myself (in accommodation where hens aren't allowed) as have many others on this thread. However in this situation it was the wrong call - the MOH made a mistake.

We both understand the facts, we just have different perspectives on what is fair in this situation.

Why is it so difficult for you to understand that it is possible for two different people to have two different opinions/ perspectives on a situation?

Why does it have to be, we are being "deliberately provocative", are "a bit dim", "haven't read the thread".

Can't you even imagine the possibility we simply just don't agree?

I said this several pages ago, even before the bride jumped on the MoH bandwagon (essentially said her lack of spine over standing up for the rest of her friends because she wants to avoid 'bad feeling' makes her a wet lettuce in my eyes). Having seen OP's latest update, I think it even more.,

As you say, bride is really dishonest and tbh quite sly. Feel quite sorry for the other friends who have no idea what is going on behind the scenes.

If I was OP, and now I had my money back, I would tell everyone else.

Christ when did reading comprehension go down the pan?
For you and all the other posters getting distracted by a random detail that you have completely misread, the OP did not call Northern cities trashy.
She called them popular WITH trashy hen party groups.

Try the same sentence just swapping the adjective if it's hard.

e.g. You are talking about being surprised to bump into a heavily pregnant acquaintance somewhere unexpected,

"I'd understand if it was somewhere you'd expect to see her, the hospital or baby group, but this was going skydiving!" In this example the hospital and baby group THEMSELVES are not heavily pregnant, they are places where you would reasonably be expected to find a woman who is.

or, if you are telling someone where you ate the best scone of your life
"I’d understand if it was somewhere renowned for delicious desserts, Harrods or Sketch, but this was on a random building site!"

Again, neither Harrods nor Sketch themselves, as buildings, are delicious, they are places that sell goods that are.

It's another matter if you want to take a feminist pop at OP for denigrating some hen parties as trashy (although having sucked on a willy straw or two in my time its a fair descriptor!) but you are only perpetuating the 'chip on the shoulder' perception of northerners by jumping down her throat for something she DID NOT say, or even imply.

@Lacksie

"if a couple of weeks before she received this email saying the position had changed"

"given the position had changed at the very last minute"

This is where your opinion is different to everyone else's. The MoH knew from the very start that she had to declare that they were a hen party, but she chose not to. From making the booking months ago, she was taking a gamble with the owner not finding out. So things didn't change at the last minute, the MoH tried to pull a fast one from the start and ended up getting caught.

If the moh couldn’t handle booking an appropriate place that did accept hens then she shouldn’t have taken on doing it.

Yes, but the Terms and conditions changed from Hens allowed at the owners discretion (which is more permissive tbh than most) to absolutely no hens allowed (because of an incident that happened a couple of weeks prior to their trip which changed the LLs view). He wrote the email offering a refund precisely because his position had changed.

Yes in hindsight the MOH should have

• admitted up front it was a hen and asked permission
• accepted the refund when the rules got more strict.

She made a mistake. She was banking on the situation being ok as it usually is with these types of things. That was wrong.

They really do want you to go away don’t they?!
Unless it was £300 I think I’d be
tempted to return it in the app and tell her that until such a time as she is going refund the whole group she can stick it.
This is blackmail
If she has sent £300 …. thank her in the group 😬
It is lighting the blue touch paper but MoH and Bride have only got themselves to blame in this attempted cover up and are equally complicit.

But she never asked!!

That’s the point. She never asked permission so she booked a property that they were never allowed to stay at really.

She did a shit job as moh and gambled everyone else’s cash and now she wants everyone to go oh well ooopsie while not even telling everyone the full truth.

Yes I understand she never asked and this was a mistake. She should have asked.

However, this is a very common thing to do. Almost all these types of properties say they don't allow stags/ hens and people book them anyway. Usually it's fine. In this case it wasn't. There were circumstances at the last minute that made the LL particularly sensitive and unwilling to turn a blind eye. That was unfortunate. the MOH messed up.

Yeah she messed up not the other guests so they don’t deserve to be out of pocket and the owner doesn’t deserve an inbox of messages threatening bad reviews because of a shitty Moh.

She needs to put her hands up and own her mistake openly and honestly and make good in a way that’s the other guests are happy with.

I agree she should put her hands up and acknowledge her mistake. I think she owes everyone an apology.

I disagree that it is fair/ reasonable/ right in these circumstances to expect her to personally pay out almost £3,000 to compensate others (on top of the extra time and expense she has incurred already).

Its incredible how many northerners are incapable of reading though. The OP never once referred to Northern cities as being trashy. She said places that were renowned for trashy hen do's, such as Blackpool or certain Northern cities. Which is true - Blackpool, York etc - all places that at the weekends are generally filled with hen/stag do's with penis straws and fancy dress and sashes and crowns, the very definition of a trashy hen do. Nothing to do with the cities themselves.

And that’s where we disagree.

She wasted their money and they have every right to want it back if they do.

Extra time finding a few crappy travel lodge rooms is nothing. They paid for an experience in a nice place not holiday inn vibes.

Moh should have been open with the whole group about any problems and options. You don’t spend other people’s money for them without certainty. But by now it’s not necessarily the refunding it’s the moh and bride’s attitude and the secrecy they are wanting that leaves a nasty taste.

I don't really see how we can agree to disagree though. She'd been explicitly told it would not be allowed so how can you say she wanted to ensure it went ahead. How would it go ahead? Please explain