You don’t need to reply immediately. Let her sit with the silence, it speaks volumes.
I think you are right that her close friends will not initially ask for the money, but I bet a couple change their minds if they see you getting yours back.
"Tough luck, obviously didn’t plan for that to happen.” means I messed up, but that’s your problem, not mine. This alone tells you she’s not sorry, not reflective, and not even pretending to take responsibility. No sign of an apology.
“£300 in 2026 isn’t what it was in 2016.” Eh???This is one of the most ridiculous lines I’ve ever seen in a hen‑do thread. She’s basically saying: £300 isn’t a lot of money, so you shouldn’t mind losing it. Except it is a lot of money - especially when 10 people lost it because of her actions/gamble. Again no hint of an apology and she has no right to judge your finances.
“I’ve got another hen abroad costing £2000.” This is classic deflection. She’s trying to imply she’s the one who knows “real expense”, so your £300 loss is trivial. It’s also irrelevant. Her choice to spend £2k on someone else’s hen has nothing to do with the fact she cost your group £300 each.
“I paid for lots of extras and didn’t ask for contributions.” This is emotional blackmail disguised as generosity. She’s saying: I bought you some cupcakes and a sash (for example), therefore you should absorb the financial consequences of my negligence. Her choice to make a financial contribution, was just that, her choice, each person should make an informed decision on what they can afford and she gambled away the other hens choice to do this. You are not there to subsidise anyone, you are there to celebrate the impending with the bride.
“I gave everyone a great weekend and sorted new accommodation quickly.” She didn’t “give” you a great weekend, the group salvaged the weekend despite her mistake by coughing up more money.* *And she didn’t “sort” new accommodation out of competence, she did it because she had no choice after her original booking was rejected becasue she gambled.
“I’m really busy this week so I’m leaving the group chat.” This is the hen‑do equivalent of slamming the door. She’s trying to avoid accountability by disappearing before anyone can respond. But presumably someone has her address so she is really just slamming the door on accountability and resolving this amicably. She is the one forcing you to escalate as she hasn't even offered an apology or admitted her error.
“Don’t ruin the wedding for our friend.” Ah yes, the classic guilt trip. She’s reframing her mistake, for which she has not even apologised, as your potential wrongdoing. This is manipulative. She’s implying that asking for fairness = ruining the wedding. It’s a silencing tactic. She is the one forcing you to escalate as she hasn't even offered an apology or admitted her error.
The real issue here is that she booked accommodation that explicitly banned hens, hid that fact, ignored a refund window, gambled she could sneak the group in, caused a £300 loss, made everyone panic on the day and now refuses to take responsibility Her message is basically: “I messed up, I'm not apologising, you pay for it, and if you don’t like it you’re ruining the wedding.” It’s outrageous.
I'm assuming no-one has replied yet because anything you say will expose how unreasonable she is, she’s clearly in defensive, self‑protective mode, she’s already positioning herself as the victim, she’s threatening to leave the chat but hasn't, she’s invoked “the wedding” as a shield. Everyone is waiting to see what she does next.
If you do want to reply, the most effective tone is calm, factual, and non‑emotional. Something like: “Thanks for the message. We appreciate the work you put into organising the weekend. However, the financial loss came from the booking being made against the venue’s rules and the refund window being missed. That wasn’t something any of us were aware of at the time.
Nobody wants drama or to impact the wedding, but it’s still important to resolve the £300 fairly.”
It’s polite, it’s neutral, and it puts the responsibility back where it belongs.
I would also perhaps privately message those that acknowledged the brave hens comment to see how they feel and tell them what the bride told you.
You could try writing to the accommodation that you were turned away from and asking them for their side, explain the MOH had not told them hen do's were not allowed and you are trying to ascertain the situation, I doubt they will answer but you can only try.
I am in two minds as to whether you should ask for the £300 or the £130 each, as £300 is nothing to her from her boasts. Only you know the value of the accommodation and how the lack of the original accommodation compared to the place you finally stayed in and what else you lost in direct response to the loss of the original venue.
You can gather your evidence and say nothing further until after the wedding and then start a claim in the small claims court, I doubt it would get that far as she has to know she hasn't got a leg to stand on,