Family holiday - fed up already and not even got there yet!

[Stressedmumma88]

Going on holiday with dh and dc (8 and 5)

Dh is in a strop as i have had to bring my work laptop as a back up as a couple of things in my role that the person who is covering may not be able to do due to some family things, person is a close friend of mine so have taken it purely in case I need to do it (would be an hour max) I shouldn't need to and if i do have agreed with line manager I get a days holiday back

Then we both worked half days today, I've wfh and logged on early to finish at 11, also finished packing the cases, sorted the kids bags out, sorted the pets out, done the bins a load of other stuff. Dh got home from his half way (can't wfh) and has moaned that I've done nothing all day as he spent 20 minutes trying to sort thr hive out and had to carry 2 cases down the stairs. We both loaded the car.

Now on a train and all he's done is said how I don't travel well (I travel for my role a lot so know what I am doing!) And that I'm lazy.

Would rather be at work

The suitcase thing for sure can be a “never again “ problem @Stressedmumma88

Dont unpack anything when you arrive. Don’t pack before you leave. Just grey rock his suitcase.

It's not just heating. It's a brand name for a home automation system. A lot of people just use it as a thermostat but it can also turn lights on and off to make the house look occupied, and be connected to cameras and motion sensors to act as an alarm system. It's all app controlled so provided the relevant tech is plugged in he can do all the faffing from anywhere at any time, no need to do it all just before leaving the house.

OP, the more you say the worse he sounds. Lazy, critical, nasty to you, worse to his children. Is this what you want from life? Is this the life you want - and example you want to set - for your children?

Tell him to go home.

And for gods sake stop being a martyr!

To be honest, I felt my stress levels rising by purely reading your post. Would have made much more sense to have both finished work Friday, get organised over the weekend and have a relaxed start to the holiday. My DH would have been annoyed if I took my laptop on holiday in case I needed it for work and vice versa.

I sort of disagree about making a list. This is not because it would make the point, but to OPs partner it would seem petty. I think for proper change to happen OP has to draw her own line in the sand and change how she responds.

Things like the night before you say OK tomorrow we leave at 10:30 we can pack our own day bags but the kids need help. I will dress them and you sort the bags today and tomorrow we can do it the other way around. Just breezy and firm. Reception teacher vibe.

Another approach when you come back - “do you want to clear out the day bags or shower the children?”. Giving choices is something I always do with the neurodiverse children I work with. DP should cope.

Enjoy your trip @Stressedmumma88 Only you can decide if you want to work on not being a stressed mumma.

Why are you with him if you are completely fed up and feel you can't go anything right?

He sounds like a complete and utter dick.

Why are so many men such arseholes about going on holiday? Is it simply because it's not entirely centred on what they'd prefer to do with their time?

Don't unpack his suitcase, tell him when you leave he has to pack his own. Make the most of the holiday for now. Encourage your children to order for themselves in restaurants - they enjoy it and its good for them (and avoids dickhead dadness). Go off on your own for a day while on holiday - go to the spa or pretend you are. When you get back from holiday get all this out in the open and then see where you want to go with it. This sounds like tip of the iceberg. If its the straw that broke the camel's back so be it.

Why would he need to be told to pack his own suitcase Can't he not just do it while the OP is doing hers and the DCs?

I was going to ask the same thing. Why are men such whiney assholes.

Next time leave him behind - you and your DC will then have a fab holiday.

If you do go away again together then leave his case to him - if that means he has no packed case when it’s time to go his tough luck

I would be wanting to list everything the 2 of you had done for the holiday and give it to him for his defence of why you are in his words ”lazy”

Please enlighten us as to why he is a DH the rest of the time ?

I think he is scared shitless that if you do have to support your colleague, even for an hour , then that will be an hour where he will have to (shudder) parent his own children.

Your husband is inadequate and suffers from low self-esteem. But rather than working to improve it, he’d rather knock yours. Don’t be fooled by his behaviour. Know your worth and what you are capable of. Your husband knows your value, he just doesn’t want you to know it. It makes you easier to control. He's simply a bully.

Response 1: show him this thread, be honest with him and tell him that he's killing the buzz, starting the holiday off on a sour note and you'll be holidaying separately in the future.

Response 2: let him moan but rise above. You know what you've done. Focus on the lovely holiday you're going to have despite the grumpy stupid man. Play a game with the kids and ignore him until he cheers the fuck up.

I don't get why so many of you are focusing on the dos and don'ts of holidays when the clear wider issue is how this many treats OP in general.

OP, it sounds like you need to think about what sort of future you want with this man, if you want one with him, and what impact this is having on your children.

I packed my husbands case once, he did ask me too as he was running late. I forgot to pack something and he moaned when we got to our destination and saw I’d forgotten said item.

Never packed for him since

Does he think little fairies came and packed all the bags and sorted the pets etc ? I'd of deliberately left his stuff unpacked . He sounds like a right prick tbh

My Hive has been active at 23C last few days. It's freezing 🥶

THIS!

We recently went away for a camp for DDs hobby. I did the packing to Go, I do ALL the driving, I cook whilst away - and I also had to ferry her at 6AM to the rink.

My OH made a comment about me packing to go home on the final night.........I just sat in that hot tub, glared and him, had 2 g&t then went to bed...

I made it very clear to him and the kids in the car before we headed home that I was actually knackered and I would NOT be participating in the unpacking of the car, or the laundry when we got home and that I was indeed NOT their slave.

I have a spreadsheet that has all out week on it - who does what etc.
Then it calculates how much time each person does what for.
How much FREE time they have etc.
I share it when he gets grumbly about his time - as he has about 20 hours a week more free time than me...I work 2.5 hrs a week more, for 2k less annually as well.

He sounds really lazy and useless OP! I'd be telling him unless he starts to move his shiftless arse and stop lolling about and moaning at the things YOU are getting sorted because he's too lazy to help with then he's not welcome on holidays with you.

I would also be reflecting on whether or not he is a good enough husband in general and telling him you expect him to shift himself and HELP in future.

He doesn’t sound worthy of you. I mean, you can and do, do it all. What does he bring?

I can’t believe someone would ask someone what they wanted to eat, then order the exact opposite. What a way to make a person feel invisible, diminished, small.

I’d rather take the kids away for a caravan holiday in the uk than be stuck with Miserable Merv in a foreign country.
Oh and I’ve been married for 30 years and have never packed my husband’s case and vice versa! He’s a grown man!

I would have a very strong word with him any minute now or, send him a text telling him to stop being a dick.

What a prick.

Make a resolution to never pack his case ever again. He’s a grown adult and there’s no reason why he doesn’t do that himself.