Family holiday - fed up already and not even got there yet!

[Stressedmumma88]

Going on holiday with dh and dc (8 and 5)

Dh is in a strop as i have had to bring my work laptop as a back up as a couple of things in my role that the person who is covering may not be able to do due to some family things, person is a close friend of mine so have taken it purely in case I need to do it (would be an hour max) I shouldn't need to and if i do have agreed with line manager I get a days holiday back

Then we both worked half days today, I've wfh and logged on early to finish at 11, also finished packing the cases, sorted the kids bags out, sorted the pets out, done the bins a load of other stuff. Dh got home from his half way (can't wfh) and has moaned that I've done nothing all day as he spent 20 minutes trying to sort thr hive out and had to carry 2 cases down the stairs. We both loaded the car.

Now on a train and all he's done is said how I don't travel well (I travel for my role a lot so know what I am doing!) And that I'm lazy.

Would rather be at work

Mmm...I think I would be tempted to adopt some weaponised incompetence here and tell him he is right and he's much better at these things so next time you going on holiday you stay at work and get him to get all the jobs done before hols. In fact, start on holiday and say he should get the kids organised for any days out because you are bound to fall short. Twat

Oh and he's moaning that me and the kids brought refillable water bottles for the journey. It's about 3 hours from the house to the airport (the trains were all delayed and then we fly tomorrow.

Honestly nearly turned round and headed back at one point

And yes I packed his case for him

Make a list of all the things you did. Make a list of all the things he did. Present him with the list with a querying look and ask “can you just explain to me how you reached due conclusion I did nothing”. Then never pack anything for him ever again.

he sounds like a pain in the arse.

How long do you think you can put up with him?
However, kids need a dad - they're only young.

So I think you probably need to start learning how to be much more assertive in your marriage. You sound like a very together person & no stranger to holding your own.
But, if your marriage is to survive, your DH needs to listen up, straighten up & fly right.
I've thought for a very long time that assertiveness training should be taught in secondary schools. It's good for all teenagers and young adults but essential for girls / young women. Good luck, OP. Hope the holiday turns out OK.

I am very curious - why do you put up with this?

The very first holiday I went on with DH, he griped over something minor I’d done or hadn’t on the way to the airport. I instantly said something like ‘oh shit, as I’ve ruined the holiday already I might as well go home. You crack on if you want.’ He obviously then laughed it off, and it’s become a running joke whenever there is inevitable travel tension (and it works both ways).

I hope he’s now got his head out of him bum and you all draw a line under it ahead of a great holiday!

Why? Seriously. Make this the last time.

"And yes I packed his case for him"

You Silly Billy! Let him survive with no boxers or whatever.

DH faffed about 'logging us out of netflix'for about 2 hours while I packed on our way out of our airb&b. It's the 'lord of tech' approach to doing fuck all.

Ear pods?

You don’t have a holiday problem, you have a “D”H problem 🫤

You both are unreasonable in your own way.

You:
Holiday means holiday. Maybe you'd only need to be online for "an hour, max", but the underlying possibility, for the entire duration of the holiday, that someone from work might call in and disrupt your time off is suuuper not okay. Either be on holiday or don't. I'm sure your friend can manage without you for a week or two. There are other people to ask for help, why does it have to be the one person who's on holiday? Even if it's only you who can help, then she'll just have to wait. Your holiday was approved, that means your duties can wait. I would be annoyed, like your husband is, too.

Your husband:
He sounds like an ass. I assume you have a tense marriage as it is?

He needs to lighten up, there are pople with nothing but the clothes on their back who'd give their right arm and a kidney for a holiday. Anywhere. Your husband should be grateful that you have the means to go anywhere, and do himself a favour and enjoy it. We only live once, how miserable do you have to be to not be excited about going on holiday...

There's nothing more enraging that a princess in form of a man. Instead of harrassing you and telling you what you're doing wrong, or not doing at all, why isn't he pitching in and helping you out?

And no doubt he’ll moan that you haven’t packed his favourite blue shirt/his REM t shirt/his second best jeans or whatever.

I appreciate that bringing the work laptop away isn't ideal but its there as a just in case. I am fully intending on leaving it in the bag switched off the whole time.

It's a control thing I swear. We have just been for dinner where he asked our youngest what he wanted... and the proceeded to order the exact opposite of what he wanted

I'm so fed up with it. I can't do anything right. Down to the point of not knowing the layout of the airport hotel (that I have never been to before)

The next week will be interesting

Tell him to f off.

OP he sounds like an annoying dick.
Honestly I would just get an uber home with the kids.
Long term - he needs to go. I can't imagine my partner calling me lazy. Silly arse.

Having read all your posts, I am genuinely trying to see how this man adds any value to your life. My dh drives me absolutely POTTY at times, and I 100% have been known to text or rant in person to a friend, but its usually ONE thing. And even as I am ranting, j very quickly am reminded that it IS just one thing.

You, in the other hand, have a list of genuinely shitty behaviours from your dh. A list. All linked to one brief period. He sounds truly awful.

He doesn't want to go away with you all. He'd rather be at home in his slippers doing whatever he wants by himself. I've no solution for you, but I'd rather be on my own with the kids if he's like that TBH.

Make this the last holiday with him. Also, tell him that you’ve packed the last suitcase ever for him, he can do his own packing and unpacking going forward.

To make this holiday bearable, I’d ignore him as much as you can and get out and about with your children yourself. Tell him once quite clearly that you’ve had enough of his bad mood and nastiness and he’s free to go back home and you will not be engaging with him when he’s being a bully going forward.

Think about how much better your life will be without him. You’ve already said going away with the kids is so much easier without him! Now imagine every day like that. Fantastic.

Ordering the wrong thing for your kid deliberately is such a dick move. Such a ‘I’m bigger than you so I’ll do what I want and you have to suck it up.’ Bin bin bin.

Poor children.
Why are you tolerating this?
He is a nasty bully who is grinding you down.
This is abuse.

Never pack a man's suitcase!
It's not the 1950's.
Like you said you can't do anything right. Talk to him *away from the kids and tell him how his behaviour is affecting you all.
Agree to both get on/be nice around the kids .
Also agree to come up with a plan when you get home so he can't put you in this position again. Sounds like u can do much better OP. Good luck xxxxx

@Lemondressese- yes it does sound like abuse.
Horrible little man

i hope you can rescue something out of this mess even if you decide not to go away together ever again. You’ve paid for it so try to salvage something. You’ve taken time off work, packed and you’re on your way. That’s still the busy part of any holiday. No one enjoys that part! EES only adds to the stress too.
wait it out as calmly as you can until you arrive at your holiday destination, then things will calm down. You will sink a few glasses of wine, unpack and relax! Things will improve.
If you do the whole holiday and still feel the same, then that’s a reason to review things going forward for next year.
But sometimes the MN crowd don’t help to smooth things over. Kick him out! Divorce him! Really? Can’t we empathise with the stress of getting on holiday?

@Sunbeds- I agree going on holiday can be blooming stressful all round for a million reasons but no adult should be behaving like this towards the other adult/kids however stressful it is.
It's a trip ffs the house is not on fire/noone died!
The bar is set so low for men.
He shouldn't have this amount of power and I think he sounds like an abusive dick. Only the OP knows how often this happens and how much she will tolerate.