Would you cut this friend off

[Whyisshecuttinghereyebrows]

I have a friend, we met online through having the same issues with our children and it was good to have a connection that I can't have with real life friends as they can't completely identify with my situation .
We often message one another and there have been periods where she'll send lengthy messages throughout the day and I'll listen, respond, give advice and sympathise.
If I ever message with a problem or when i'm feeling down (rare in comparison to her) she will generally not reply to the message until days later and then it's not in response to my message. It will be about what she's been up to and maybe say 'How are you?' at the end
It feels shit and I started having less contact with her, I think she realised and would give maybe a

bit of feedback but not much.

It's been three days now without a reply

Is this a crap friend? What would you do?
Do you think she realises she's doing this? Seems so selfish

Check your definition of friend and see if she fits. Would you phone her at 3am if you needed help? That's my definition of a friend.

I thought so maybe in the past if it was about my child, but now she doesn't reply in the day, so highly unlikely she'd be there at 3 am

It's very specific and noticeable that she doesn't reply when i'm upset about something and clearly needing a chat, but she's happy to message all day about her marriage difficulties

Hang on, have you ever actually met this person?

Not in real life yet (different countries) but friends on Sm and in the same forum groups and Whatsapp group for our Dc's issues. Chatting over a year probably

Sounds very self absorbed. Chalk it down to experience and move on xx

So just ignore the messages or be honest and say how it is?

Sorry OP, she's not a friend.

I have friends I've met online who I know would answer the phone to me at 3am and one who would do anything they could to travel over 100 miles if I needed them badly.

I would cut this person off. I think it’s ok to have friends that you wouldn’t phone at 3am but they bring other things to your life like fun or adventure. She doesn’t seem to bring anything to your life and this is only a year in. I’d ditch her and focus on more mutually supportive people.

I feel a bit sad as don't really have anyone who understands in the same way, but it just feels hurtful and rude each time it happens now

Three days is absolutely nothing, though. Even three months is OKish.

Well, no, then -- she's not your friend at all! She's someone you met on a forum for a specific condition with whom you temporarily gelled because your children had the same issues! Of course she doesn't care if you're feeling down or 'want a chat'!

Next time she says Blah Blah Blah and how are you? I'd send a huffy "I told you 3 days ago, didn't you listen to my message?"

If she didn't then sort her shit out and come back a bit humble-pie, I'd drop her.

I have other friends-in real life, that we don't message for months or meet up for months and that's no problem.
But in this instance, we message regularly but there's a pattern that each time I need support, it's ignored for days and then not acknowledged the next time

But seek support from people who are your actual day to day friends, not from someone you’ve never met who lives in another country!

But we message multiple times throughout the week about how things are going and I'm supportive of her issues (or was until recently but have pulled back a bit) but this happens when it comes to me

I do also, but our Dc's condition is complex and it's hard for them to possibly understand. I tend to just want to forget it all when I see them and try to have fun or talk about their lives

I’m not a fan of cutting people off, especially when you have other friends/groups in common. But I would pull back/be less available for support to somebody who isn’t offering you much in turn. So just cool off the friendship, be less available, be a bit slower to respond, and focus more on other people.

Sorry, but this person has never been your friend. They almost certainly see you as someone they can turn to for advice and guidance because of your children’s condition. You could get more support from ChatGPT.

Well, maybe this online person doesn’t want to be the doom and gloom problem friend either?

As I said, I rarely do send messages like that, but she has/does lots and i'm always there for her. It feels sad that any time I am having a particularly tough time with the situation, it's not reciprocated in the same way

Just ignore her now. She's making you feel down . Not worth it

Agree with this.

You don’t really know this woman. She could have a dozen people she’s “met” online listening to her problems for all you know.

You'll always meet lifes takers. Sometimes you can click with someone so strongly that it's hard to realise you're not compatible as friends.

Just return her energy. Don't message her back when she offloads. Swerve the topic and keep it light. It's a drain on your energy otherwise

I have wondered this to be honest
Feels sad though, because obviously i'm in a vulnerable position and difficult situation too.
The way she just appears days later without even saying sorry she didn't get back to
me or asks how it's going with what happened, makes me think it's either deliberate as in she doesn't want to or can't offer help back or she's forgotten/talked to others and got us mixed up, Ive no idea

Drop her. Not worth the drama of explaining to her as she almost certainly wouldn't change.
Are there support organisations for your child's condition?