AIBU to want to sell the house rented to my son’s girlfriend?

[Einely]

Hi, so some context, back in 2022, DH and I decided to sponsor a Ukrainian family in the homes for Ukraine scheme. We had a mum and her 3 small children move in.
After sometime one of our rental properties became available, the mum had found part time work and we were considering selling the property anyway.
We decided to rent it out to her, we already knew how well she took care of our home etc and felt it was a good choice. We rented it below market rate and haven’t risen it in the now almost 4 years since.
Anyway at some point she and my son (older than her by a little) began dating, this was confusing to all of us, as to our knowledge she was married to a man still in Ukraine. Any questions posed by us to our son were met with agression about nosiness and comments of “do you think I’d date a married woman”. We stopped trying. They’ve now been dating for at least a year though we suspect much longer and they just hid it for sometime from us.

I very much want the house sold now, the situation is too complicated, and when we initially rented it out to her, she had told us as soon as the war was over she would go home and we naively believed it wouldn’t last over 4 years!
DH thinks doing that would detonate our relationship with our son, cause problems and not actually help anyone. He thinks the most we can do is raise the rent by a reasonable percentage, but even this wouldn’t bring it anywhere close to market rate.

AIBU to be fed up of this and think we need to cut the ties now before it all explodes on us? I do want to be considerate as I understand her situation is irregular but I feel like we are being kept in the dark and if this goes south we will suffer for it.

Why did you fund your son through his previous split if he has his own income which you suspect might be attractive to this woman?

But regardless of that, it is perfectly legitimate for you to want to liquidise your assets for your retirement. Also perfectly reasonable to raise the rent in the meantime and to state you never envisaged the subsidised renting would go on so long. If your son objects you need to be assertive with him - she is not your responsibility. If he is thst bothered he can put his hand in his own pocket and help her out; he is the one with ties to her, not you.

Yes, if you want to sell the house that you own, then do so. Give her proper notice and list it. Start taking people through it so she understands it will be sold. Do not let your son move her into your home. Do let us know what happened!

I don't really understand how your wish/need to sell the house impacts on your son's relationship with her, especially since you say he is well off - nothing to stop them renting together somewhere else then? If it would "detonate your relationship" with him, then something is very wrong with the relationship, and that is the real issue.

Talk to your son and his girlfriend about the possibility of selling, how you need the money and can’t afford the repairs. If you do the right way it should t blow up in your faces but if you go in say the house is being sold with no further conversation then yes it probably will blow up.
You can also raise the rent, but do it with a conversation she’s your son’s girlfriend as well as a tenant and you should treat her as such. Regardless of whether she’s married or what her situation this is who your son is going out with and I assume you have a relationship with her on that basis so any business issues will have to be addressed in a different manner.

It’s your house, you can sell it anytime you want. You’re subsiding her as it is, she should be thankful for the time she’s had, not angry it’s ending. She’s had a good run, but if she wants to stay her permanently, she needs to support herself like the rest of us.

sell or gift the house to your Son. problem solved

'One of our rental properties'. Yes you're being nasty..I see you as the Lady Of The Village endowing charity with a smug smile...until your son started seeing this lady.
You clearly dont need to sell, it just seems a spiteful way of showing your disapproval

This was my first thought.

There's also the fact that so many things go wrong in a country at war. For instance, around 70,000 Ukrainians are missing due to Russian forced relocations. Nobody hears from them after they've been taken, but Russia insists they're being treated respectfully. If your husband had disappeared, you'd have no idea where he was, dead or alive. No divorce or death certificate, no indication you'd ever see him again.

Anyway, OP, you should sell the house if this was your plan. But take the emotion out of it. Deal with it openly, like adults, and consider whether you want to offer her another property or leave the next move up to her & DS.

Increase the rent, but you need to check all the rules for how much etc.
You could serve her with notice to quit a section 8 no fault evection as your wanting to sell, but i fear it may damage relationship with son.