AIBU to want to sell the house rented to my son’s girlfriend?

[Einely]

Hi, so some context, back in 2022, DH and I decided to sponsor a Ukrainian family in the homes for Ukraine scheme. We had a mum and her 3 small children move in.
After sometime one of our rental properties became available, the mum had found part time work and we were considering selling the property anyway.
We decided to rent it out to her, we already knew how well she took care of our home etc and felt it was a good choice. We rented it below market rate and haven’t risen it in the now almost 4 years since.
Anyway at some point she and my son (older than her by a little) began dating, this was confusing to all of us, as to our knowledge she was married to a man still in Ukraine. Any questions posed by us to our son were met with agression about nosiness and comments of “do you think I’d date a married woman”. We stopped trying. They’ve now been dating for at least a year though we suspect much longer and they just hid it for sometime from us.

I very much want the house sold now, the situation is too complicated, and when we initially rented it out to her, she had told us as soon as the war was over she would go home and we naively believed it wouldn’t last over 4 years!
DH thinks doing that would detonate our relationship with our son, cause problems and not actually help anyone. He thinks the most we can do is raise the rent by a reasonable percentage, but even this wouldn’t bring it anywhere close to market rate.

AIBU to be fed up of this and think we need to cut the ties now before it all explodes on us? I do want to be considerate as I understand her situation is irregular but I feel like we are being kept in the dark and if this goes south we will suffer for it.

I think you need to follow your gut feeling. It’s worrying you for whatever reason and you want to sell to free up money for retirement and to not have to manage this property. So I’d explain you need the money to your son and to her and serve notice. Their relationship is their business whether she’s married or not I wouldn’t question or make comments about that.

OP it’s your house, you can sell if you want - you’ve been more than generous keeping the rent low for a long time.

If your son has an issue he can buy a place for them to live together. It’s probably better in the long run to disentangle yourself from their relationship.

Could you put the house she's living in, onto the market to sell. As you've said it's the property that you want to sell first

And move her to another of your properties, with a higher rent and a year tenancy? Making it clear that at the end of the year the tenancy ends

Or if you don't have another property, help her find something she can afford to rent, with your son chipping in

It sounds like your relationship with your son isn't great. Let's be honest, whatever you do he's unlikely to be happy with you

I'd up the rent to close to market value and see what happens- what your son has done is hurtful but you shouldn't let that colour your judgement- if she wants to keep renting fine, but you need close to market rate. Your son might be angry but he is going to be angry unless you continue to rent to her very cheaply- so don't try to punish him by putting it on the market but make it clear you don't intend to subsidise his girlfriend.

@Einely
If you want to sell the house
Then sell it its yours after all
Just make sure you totally do your research first
And serve proper notice
She's literally landed on her feet with you renting it to her at a low rent for years and knows it so that should stop for a start
Another thing this business with her 3 children?
Although she's working, paying her way
Your son has taken them on?
Look,
I'm going to be unpopular here and say she's with your son BECAUSE of the way it is with the house, the children, if the scenario were different would she even have honestly looked at him twice?
But he's a grown man and has a brain in his head, made his own decision
So you either raise the rent to the current true-value rate and SHE PAYS
Or
As I'm assuming they're both working you put it to them to get a mortgage together
I reckon she's banking on your son to see that it all comes out to her advantage over you somehow.
Your son knows he's subconsciously being played but will dig his heels in
But if it implodes it implodes
You need that money for your future and
Could you honestly in the future rely on him to help you out?
Ask yourself,
What do you think she'd have done
Going by details you DO know so far???

Ridiculous and wrong

You are able to continue obtaining the money from the Ukrainian scheme when a person goes into a rental property you own.

@Monvelo
It may be hard for her true
So she may be prepared to do whatever she's got to do..........

The OP has explained that she stopped getting support when she let the house to her

Sell it - it’s so hard to get hold of plumbers etcetc - give yourselves a break tell them you want to sell it - she can look for someone else with DS

If you want to sell it you should.

ukranians are being given priority by the council and housing associations for properties through the charities set up and have more rights than HA and council tenants!! They can basically do anything that would have HA tenants kicked out and get away with it as the “resettlement “ people are on their side not the other tenants who have to put up with allsorts of shit!