AIBU to want to sell the house rented to my son’s girlfriend?

[Einely]

Hi, so some context, back in 2022, DH and I decided to sponsor a Ukrainian family in the homes for Ukraine scheme. We had a mum and her 3 small children move in.
After sometime one of our rental properties became available, the mum had found part time work and we were considering selling the property anyway.
We decided to rent it out to her, we already knew how well she took care of our home etc and felt it was a good choice. We rented it below market rate and haven’t risen it in the now almost 4 years since.
Anyway at some point she and my son (older than her by a little) began dating, this was confusing to all of us, as to our knowledge she was married to a man still in Ukraine. Any questions posed by us to our son were met with agression about nosiness and comments of “do you think I’d date a married woman”. We stopped trying. They’ve now been dating for at least a year though we suspect much longer and they just hid it for sometime from us.

I very much want the house sold now, the situation is too complicated, and when we initially rented it out to her, she had told us as soon as the war was over she would go home and we naively believed it wouldn’t last over 4 years!
DH thinks doing that would detonate our relationship with our son, cause problems and not actually help anyone. He thinks the most we can do is raise the rent by a reasonable percentage, but even this wouldn’t bring it anywhere close to market rate.

AIBU to be fed up of this and think we need to cut the ties now before it all explodes on us? I do want to be considerate as I understand her situation is irregular but I feel like we are being kept in the dark and if this goes south we will suffer for it.

Tell them that in x months/a year you will be selling the property as planned from the start, state you will be issuing the official paperwork x months before the date she needs to leave by as per the law but you wanted to let her know ahead because of the situation. If she wants to leave before you issue the paperwork that is fine and you only need a months notice

Start the eviction process, tell her your selling up. Sounds very dodgy. Also put the rent up to market price should hurry her up and make her move without going down bailiff route.

Do you think she's using you and your son? From her perspective it sounds really stressful and precarious. She's had to move due to war, with her 3 young children. A family (you) sponsored her, she must be really grateful! This leads to you renting her a home she can afford, below market rates, adding to her gratitude and debt. She then falls for your son. Assume it's genuine because if it's through obligation then that's worse. I think on paper she's the one who should fear the fallout rather than you. You've enmeshed your lives considerably but she's the one with the most to lose, by exactly the action you're now considering, and more.

Op being unfairly roasted for whatever as usual on aibu.

Op of course you should serve notice as you want to sell YOUR property.

Have you actually looked into this? Whilst having a UK spouse might mean someone can switch to a spousal visa route, it's still an extremely difficult and expensive process, people don't just get married to get a visa in the UK. My friend has a husband from outside of Europe and despite it being a legitimate marriage and application its taken just under 6 years to get his citizenship and cost them around £40,000 in total in that time to do all the applications (home office fees, solicitor fees, NHS fees etc) In theory they could have saved a chunk by doing it themselves without a solicitor, but that would have been a big risk because if your application fails you don't get any of the fees refunded and he could have risked having to leave the country. They both have minimum income requirements the whole time too, I think she had to earn over 38k a year.

Honestly, marrying someone from the UK isn't as great as some people think it is!

The other side is that would your son marry her and buy the house if you tell her your selling it? That would be my concern

Yes I’m aware, but my son has a significant amount of money so cost issues wouldn’t be a factor.
Im not saying it’s the only explanation but it is naive to not think it be a possible reason.

Why would it be a concern?

He may well, but then at least we would no longer be so involved.

Even with money, it's a huge amount of stress and far from guaranteed. The govt has been talking about making it even more difficult too, eg applying new harsher rules retrospectively. If she was just after a passport there are much easier places to go in Europe to get one (Ireland being the obvious for English speakers)

I can appreciate why you might want to distance yourself from the situation and I think that's wise, just that I doubt this would be her motivation. His money might be though!

Of course YANBU to want to sell. We!re doing the same, selling our rental to support our retirement. We’re very lucky that the tenants want to buy so we can offer them the 5% discount. What will you do if your ds wants to buy it or she does (no idea if she has the wherewithal) or she then moves into your ds’s house?

OP you are not unreasonable to sell the house if you need to liquidise an asset to ease your way into retirement.

But you do need to balance that benefit against the potential damage to your relationship with your son. Seems that the latter may outweigh the former.

But mostly I came on here to thank for using the word counterfactual! I am a lawyer and only ever encounter it in court. It made my day to read such a good word used in an everyday context!

To be fair on her there could be a number of reasons. I know many, many people who moved somewhere (here included) and the usual plan is “I’ll stay for a year” or something along those lines and invariably life carries on and plans change.

About the married thing… I’m also not surprised. But we’re not privy to people’s marriages so who knows.

You’re in a difficult position now if her rent is cheap you’ll struggle to sell it with her in situ because the new landlord can only raise her rent aligned to certain percentages

and to get her out to sell it empty you’ll need to do an evocation and section 21 no longer exists

Spookily Im in a similar situation. We have a property that is occupied by a mother and children. They have been there since April 2022 and the homes for ukraine extension scheme payments end in a couple of months. We have allowed them to stay all this time but will now need to notify them that they can't stay any longer. Its really hard to do. We can't allow our guests to rent the property since we've left it as long as we possibly could but cant keep carrying the costs.

So this is just ‘one’ of your rental properties? Therefore there are others you could sell but choose to sell the one your son’s girlfriend whom you never had any issues with before you found out about the relationship is living in? You must be able to see how this might look to them when you have other properties you could sell to improve your retirement?

Yes offer to sell it to your son. That way you get to liquidate your assets and he gets the chance to buy it.

Maybe he will be pleased at the opportunity? And less rude to you both.

What does your husband think you should do

I've just read Lionel Shriver's latest novel A Better Life.
It's an incredibly well written book looking at a fictional scheme in New York. Not sure if I recommend it to you OP, given the circumstances but it was a great read.

I agree
and with your DH,

Is it essential that you sell the property right now? Or is this about discouraging your son from continuing the relationship.? I don't think this will work. Probably the opposite.

If your plan was eventually to sell for retirement... its fair to warn her or him when that might be... say 2028 or whatever, so that she knows she's got a time to make plans. but it sounds like you want to act right now.. Would you do that if she wasn't dating your son?
She won't find a new home for the same rate that easily and she has got three small children to think about and sometimes, its better to have a good tennant for the longer term, even if they pay slightly less than the market rate than having to do drawn out changeovers, maybe not have as good tennants. You have some income from it and hopefully its going up in value.

It’s in the OP.

I can’t help thinking that there is more to be said here

Look, if you want to sell the property, sell it. Don't get tangled up in your son's relationship, that's none of your business.

Just tell your son that you don't want to rent out the property anymore so you're putting it on the market. Make sure that you complete all the correct paperwork and give the tenant plenty of notice. Perhaps she might decide to buy it.

Your son won’t discuss the relationship with you because it’s none of your business.

Reading between the lines, it seems your desire to sell is motivated by your wanting to remove her from your son’s life, because you disapprove. If your son thinks the same then this will blow up in your face.

Can you imagine if you evict her, then they move in together and have children… I would suggest considering all potential outcomes and how they might impact on each of you before you come to a decision.

on a separate note, the market is dead at the moment, might be better to wait.

Is it just because she is possibly married you disapprove of the relationship OP or are you concerned she has 3 DC or disapprove for other reasons?

It’s possible if she was married that relationship has broken down, or they are divorced.

It’s reasonable to increase the rent by a fair level and to give legal notice to quit in due course. Giving extra notice would help her relocate.

Sounds like you did a lot for an at the time vulnerable family and that now dating your son you maybe view as a betrayal of some kind?