AIBU not to take DS2 to a family party?

[Robin781]

DS2 is 9mo. Hardly any of my extended family have been to visit us/see him since he was born. When DS1 was 4mo, we had a ‘welcome to the world’ type party at our expense, where close friends, immediate and extended family were invited for a full meal and met DS1. However, a lot of the same friends and family also came home to visit us and meet him before or after. We are attending a ‘big birthday’ party next weekend for an extended family member. AIBU to not want to take DS2 to this - for extended family to meet him for the first time - when they haven’t made the effort to check in or come and see us after he was born? No backstory, it just feels like people just haven’t made the effort. We have made the effort to visit elderly relatives with him who may not have been able to come and see us otherwise.

Sounds a bit petty on your part.

It’s second child syndrome, sorry.

If you don’t want to go don’t go, if you do then go??? Totally up to you!

We would attend with DS1, DS2 would stay at home with DGPs

Isn’t that the opposite of what you said?

I'm not quite sure what you're hoping to achieve.
Is your son's absence intended to convey message? If so, I doubt it will have any effect.

You seem to be equating taking your child to a family party as being a reward for good behaviour on the part of your family, and not taking him as being a punishment to them for not behaving the way you would have liked.

Your son is just a part of your family and therefore should go to appropriate family occasions like every other member of the family.

Sorry, edited now for typo!!

It seems to me that you like attention, you’re upset your precious child, who in your motherly eyes is the best thing to have happened EVER (understandably) , isn’t the most important thing to others.

I am sorry to say you sound like a 12 year old. Time to grow up and don’t live with a heart full of resentment. As Elsa would say LET IT GO.

Why have a party for your first and not your second? That’s perhaps the same reason other people aren’t acting the same way with your second?

Don’t bring them if you don’t want to. It’s petty and childish, but that’s up to you.

People are never as interested in the second child, there’s no malice to it. Take him and introduce him, everyone will coo over him when he’s there, I’m sure.

I tended to assume extended family wouldn't want swarms of people visiting their baby?

Your DC isn't a weapon to be used to reward or punish people.

Nor is someone else's party an opportunity for you to make petty digs at people.

It's not all about you you know.

Bit petty to be honest.

Why would you exclude your ds from a family party?

I’m sure people either won’t catch on for the reason he’s not going or they will and think it’s a bit childish and ridiculous🤷🏻‍♀️

A lot of the time people just follow the parents lead when it comes to meeting babies, so it could have started as giving you your space and awaiting an invitation.

I wouldn't go to the family party without the baby in these circumstances, it seems you only don't want him there to teach your extended family a lesson. You'll come across a bit touchy and weird if you bring this bitterness to the party.

A lot of people wait to be invited.

Take him, let people fuss over him. If yo leave him at home no one will get the point you are trying to make.

The child isn’t a royal princeling, and the family have already greeted your offspring in the shape of your firstborn: I think many do see that visit as notionally extending to any subsequent kids, so it’s all done and dusted at the one time.
Beyond that, the formal presentation of another new child can appear to some as a demand for admiration (not to say material tributes) rather than the occasion for broad family joy.
I doubt anyone much will be bothered by your not bringing DS2 along, so your little sting will fall flat.

(But out of interest, since you say the DGPs would look after him, how extended is the family among whom you’ll be mingling, if they are not included?)

Yes. Yes you are being unreasonable.

Bit weird. If you want them to meet him this is a nice opportunity.

You don’t mention having a similar welcome party for your second as your first, so you took a different more casual approach and they’ve taken your lead. It’s petty as hell to leave him behind and hard to understand.

This is honestly such weird behaviour.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say the child will be left with OP’s parents and the extended family are conveniently on her DH’s side.

Very petty. And a bad previdebt ti exclude your son.

The fact you chose to have an event at your expense to intridue your first child may mean people expected one fir second child.

We had both our children dedicated followed by a buffet lunch and that's where extended family met our kids for the first time.

president to...

This sounds really petty and childish and nobody will notice or care why you haven’t brought your second child so you’ll just be shouting into the void, trying to create drama.

Is your childs name Jesus?