AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

[bagpuss90]

My sons DP has a severe nut allergy ., she obviously carries an epi pen. I’m hosting a get together tomorrow with friends and family invited . I’m doing most of the cooking but people are bringing drinks. A cpl of people have offered to cook and bring dishes. I’ve said no it’s fine as then I’ll be sure there are no nuts in anything . I put a msg out in the group chat to remind people to please not bring anything with nuts in just in case . I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard. It’s a life threatening allergy not a bloody panic attack that she has ffs . I’d love to tell the ignorant prick he’s no longer welcome- but I don’t want to over react . But he’s ignorance and sheer stupidity have really irritated me. It would be so awkward though if I did tell him not to come . Thoughts please ..

Hmm….why does this sound so familiar. You couldn’t make it up!!!

There are non-IGE allergies as well as IGE-allergies and intolerances.

IGE allergies are the ones that most people think of and cause swelling hives, rashes and anaphylaxis.
Small amounts of the food can cause big reactions.

There are also different presentations of allergic reactions, it is really important to not have a restricted view of hives - swelling - restricted airways - anaphylaxis as this can delay adequate treatment. One of the contributing factors reported in the death of Benedict Blythe was the staff not recognising his symptoms as an allergic reaction as it wasn't what they expected an allergic reaction to look like.

Non-IGE allergies cause gastric symptoms like intolerances but like allergies trace amounts cause reactions. These are most common in young children and can be outgrown and antihistamines improve symptoms which isn't the case for intolerances.

Intolerances cause gastric symptoms but there is a dose response and the more you have the worse the symptoms are

You can also have non-immune anaphylaxis too - I had 3 anaphylatic reactions to different foods in 6 months, allergy testing was all negative. I saw a specialist and they diagnosed a histamine intolerance and the anaphylaxis was caused by histamine overload. I have since followed a low histamine diet and keep antihistamines on me and not had any further anaphylaxis. I stop eating any food if my cheeks and top lip start to tingle and take antihistamines.

There are also different presentations of allergic reactions, it is really important to not have a restricted view of hives - swelling - restricted airways - anaphylaxis as this can delay adequate treatment. One of the contributing factors reported in the death of Benedict Blythe was the staff not recognising his symptoms as an allergic reaction as it wasn't what they expected an allergic reaction to look like.

I’m not sure why a school wouldn’t recognise vomiting, stomach ache etc as possible symptoms of IgE mediated food allergy/anaphylaxis, because they’re actually very common symptoms of this, occurring in about a third of all cases (though you'd expect other symptoms too).

It’s very unfortunate if schools don’t know this. More training needed obviously.

Hopefully this is what the training will bring in when the changes come into force in September! Knowledge is so varied, my daughter has allergies, thankfully not severe, but it means I'm in support groups with many other parents and the people that have the hardest times are those where the schools think they know about allergies and don't need input from the parents. Communication between the parents and school makes such a difference.

My mum had issues with me in school back in the 90s as my hayfever used to make me fall asleep, this is also a symptom of anaphylaxis. She had a long circular argument "she can't sleep in class" "it's an illness" "if she's unwell keep her at home" "she's only unwell if she's outside near pollen" "but she can't sleep in class". They did eventually agree to give me my antihistamines when necessary.

I had two anaphylaxis reactions at work and they changed their advice to the First Aiders after the first episode and then they introduced new training within 12 months. It was a terrible experience - it happened at lunchtime so none of the 1st aiders were at their desks/phones. The ambulance was given the address for the trade entrance which was on a different road so they struggled to find the building and no one thought to inform the onsite doctor. Lying on the floor unable to breathe or see with a swollen face listening to people panicking on not knowing what to do was terrifying. I had been able to take my antihistamines and oral steroids but didn't have an adrenaline pen at the time.

Mine started with a cough and to the outside it sound like I'm trying to shift a tickle. As an adult I was able to recognise and get help as I knew different but a child might not.

Sorry that happened to you @Superscientist…it sounds incredibly scary.
I’ve had an anaphylactic reaction to medication myself and it made me very nervous about having another. Mine happened in a hospital, but unfortunately the nurses didn’t recognise what was happening either and refused to give me an epipen even though I asked (gasped!) for one repeatedly. (I wasn’t prescribed an epipen at the time. They gave iv steroids instead which is not the recommended treatment, but luckily it wasn’t the worst reaction and all was well.)

Re the coughing, I think too that children coughing in schools are always assumed to have colds when sometimes it’s an asthma attack.

@bagpuss90 If you've specified that nuts are not welcome, the friend's 'D'P is excluded by default

@Alittletiff I know it’s illogical. I really don’t think she meant harm to DNiece’s husband. I think she genuinely forgot and it was carelessness. But carelessness costs lives and we were lucky that day.

We had subsequent family gatherings without incident.

DNieces’s husband would probably not have eaten a random cake at a party anyway though, at least not if he was serious about his allergies.

@Hawksparrow he was a bit cavalier. Didn’t always carry an in date epi-pen and his mates had to get him to hospital on a few occasions. His wife and others used to have conversations about being more responsible because he had young children to care for.

Oh dear.