AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

[bagpuss90]

My sons DP has a severe nut allergy ., she obviously carries an epi pen. I’m hosting a get together tomorrow with friends and family invited . I’m doing most of the cooking but people are bringing drinks. A cpl of people have offered to cook and bring dishes. I’ve said no it’s fine as then I’ll be sure there are no nuts in anything . I put a msg out in the group chat to remind people to please not bring anything with nuts in just in case . I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard. It’s a life threatening allergy not a bloody panic attack that she has ffs . I’d love to tell the ignorant prick he’s no longer welcome- but I don’t want to over react . But he’s ignorance and sheer stupidity have really irritated me. It would be so awkward though if I did tell him not to come . Thoughts please ..

It was a PM. Presumably it was quite easy to contact OP through FB or similar.

And to think that the “lovely friend” cracks on being in a relationship with someone like this

You had sent a message saying strictly no nuts due to serious allergy
your cousin rocks up with an almond cake
You are sure she would have read the message and you were very angry with her

but you don’t think she meant any harm?

I’m sure OP was angry because her cousin was so thoughtless and careless, not because she believed her cousin deliberately wanted to hurt someone.

Thoughtless and careless? Being explicitly told not to bring nuts for a potential life or death situation and you turn up with an almond cake? Bit more than thoughtless or careless

Course it’s not more than that.

DS has peanut and tree nut allergies, and people mess up all the time…including cafes/restaurants btw. You have to triple check everything.

It’s very unlikely the nut allergic person in this case would eat a homemade cake without checking with the baker. Quite unlikely they’d eat it at all actually, as people who aren’t regularly dealing with allergies mess up easily even when they have good intentions.

.

My point is

that poster is sure her cousin read the message
and of all the things to turn up with - an almond cake. So what does “thoughtless or careless” mean in this scenario? She forgot about the message? Or she didn’t realise almonds were nuts?

I do think that some people are just a bit thick - you say 'nut allergy' and they think 'peanut' and it doesn't cross their minds that there are other kinds of nut.
I wouldn't underestimate how stupid it's possible for some people to be, in certain contexts, even when they have jobs which normally require a person to be clever.

The sort of person that gives morons a bad name

Forgot, most probably.

Being pedantic here - peanuts are a legume, so someone could be allergic to peanuts and OK with almonds. My vegan relative is allergic to peanuts and drinks almond milk with no issues.

However, if anyone said to me that they were nut allergic I would assume that it is all nuts, including coconut and chestnuts, unless told otherwise.

Yeah, that's true. Apparently pine nuts aren't nuts either. That was news to me. But still, if someone told you they had a nut allergy, anyone with sense would avoid anything that could be problematic

Yes, I wouldn't give pine nuts or sesame either.

Yes, people are so blasé too. One relative bangs on about a particular allergy when it just givens him slight stomach ache - people don’t know the difference between severe allergy, moderate allergy and intolerance. Drives me bonkers as it’s critical.

The cousin worked in a school… if she forgot, then that’s almost as concerning as it being intentional!

Peanuts and tree nuts are classified separately as allergens for food labelling.

Coconut is not included as a nut for this purpose, so a product containing coconut will not be labelled as containing nuts. Allergies to coconut are rare, apparently.

In the UK products containing pine nuts aren’t labelled as containing nuts either, but in the US they are.

In the UK, if something is labelled as containing tree nuts, it’ll contain one or more of the following:
almonds, hazelnuts, walnuts, cashews, pecan nuts, Brazil nuts, pistachio nuts, and macadamia nuts.

The labels always say tree nuts to distinguish them from ground nuts (peanuts), but many people who are allergic to peanuts are also allergic to at least one type of tree nut. Cashews and pistachio nuts are closely related, as are walnuts and pecans, so someone allergic to a pistachio is quite likely to be allergic to a cashew too, for example.

If someone says they’re allergic to nuts without giving more information, I would try to avoid all the tree nuts and peanuts too. Another issue is that a place that processes one type of nut often processes another, so there can be ‘may contain traces’ warnings.
DS has nut/peanut allergies and we have the same issue with seeds. Many are processed in facilities that process nuts too.

Thank you for your detailed reply @Hawksparrow .

As I am very risk averse when it comes to nuts I would just avoid giving a nut allergic person any kind of nut.

Intolerances are different, but studies have shown that half of those people who had a fatal anaphylactic reaction previously only experienced mild allergic reactions.

All allergies need to be taken seriously because they are so unpredictable.

I don’t think people with stomach aches will be issued adrenaline injectors though.

I would think definitely not without investigation, as it’s hard to know if a slight stomach ache after food is due to an allergy or something else, if that’s the only symptom.

Your relative should contact his GP if he wants to check it out.

DS was only prescribed an epipen when he had a reaction where his airways were compromised, but I’ve heard of people being prescribed it if they test positive for peanut allergy, say, and also have asthma, as they’d be considered high risk.

My DS has one (EpiPen) too. Said relative developed her “allergy” the same week as my son…when questioned, it was stomach ache. Though it gets talked about frequently. But worth them exploring!

I have a severe allergy to blue cheese. Unfortunately I have had several anaphylactic shocks and carry an epi pen.
Been reading the thread on later pages re other sufferers experiences .
mine if my AS was at an inset teaching day shared with other schools , I stood up and asked the whole room if there were any items containing blue cheese in the bring and share lunch. No one spoke up .
I had an AS after biting into a sausage roll with Stilton in it ,

So teachers are not immune. I was quickly carted off to hospital and have no idea who it was. This was 20 years ago so I would hope more people are more enlightened these days .

I don’t think stomach pains are allergies , intolerances are not allergies.

allergies start with a hives reaction and then you get an anaphylactic the next time .

my MIL annoys me intensely by inventing allergies all the time ( honestly told me she was allergic to water once!)

She does it for attention seeking . And when you have a real allergy it is downright offensive.