AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

[bagpuss90]

My sons DP has a severe nut allergy ., she obviously carries an epi pen. I’m hosting a get together tomorrow with friends and family invited . I’m doing most of the cooking but people are bringing drinks. A cpl of people have offered to cook and bring dishes. I’ve said no it’s fine as then I’ll be sure there are no nuts in anything . I put a msg out in the group chat to remind people to please not bring anything with nuts in just in case . I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard. It’s a life threatening allergy not a bloody panic attack that she has ffs . I’d love to tell the ignorant prick he’s no longer welcome- but I don’t want to over react . But he’s ignorance and sheer stupidity have really irritated me. It would be so awkward though if I did tell him not to come . Thoughts please ..

Wouldn't be in my home again!

😂😂😂😂
I would, but then I'm petty.

My daughter has a severe nut allergy id be horrified if I heard someone say this about her and he would.not be welcome in my home ! You should keep this message just in case he does go and does something silly ! If my daughter had contact with peanuts she would have anaphylaxis shock and she could die (this would be manslaughter).
Please uninvite him !!

’Hi Dave, thanks for your thoughts on the subject. Best you don’t come tomorrow, bye now,'

Agree with this, it's perfect.

If you're worried being that forthright will cause upset, maybe message your mate and let her sort him out?

Something like -

'Hey, I guess Malcom told you what he messaged me earlier? Not sure if he was joking but it has me worried now that he's gonna turn up with nut products as either a joke or to prove a point. Can you please make it clear to him that DS's GF has a LIFE THREATENING ALLERGY, not a bloody fear of nuts! She could literally die if in the room with them so I'd really appreciate it if you could press the point with him and if you think for even one second he's not taking me seriously then I'm sorry but he's not welcome. I will not take risks with other people's health.'

I hope you've uninvited him and had a quiet conversation with friend about why he is not welcome.

Thanks everyone 😊Update - I have uninvited him- but made it clear that my friend is still very welcome. She is mortified by what he says but sadly I don’t think she is altogether surprised

"I’m someone who’s “sceptical” about the severity of nut allergies (don’t attack me yet, I’ll explain)"

Sorry, but what you've explained is resentment at being told what you may do. You've done nothing to clarify why you're "sceptical" about severe nut allergies.

People can die. Surely you understand that, and how accurate is your assessment of a safe space to have have nuts? If you believe someone is exaggerating, take it up with HR.

said

I get it. Mainly I understand how my post comes across and you’re right from your perspective. It’s hard to explain our office setup/occupancy/layout etc. Those notes have appeared out of nowhere, forbidding us six occupants who are not allergic from eating anything that contains nuts. In theory it’s a communal office but in practice it’s only us. What I’m getting to is that it was clearly a box ticking exercise - signs appearing randomly and quietly and they’re not even prominently displayed, they’re just placed on a bench. Bizarre. You’d think if they were being serious about it we’d have got an email so that they’re sure everyone is aware.

Anyway yes I realise how I sound, but again it’s not like anyone’s notified anyone about an actual allergy. Never mind rant over! 😫

Nice work OP.

You did the right thing. I can't believe someone can be so insensitive and dangerous. I don't think I would take anything with nuts to a house just in case there is an allergy

I see your point. I pounced on "severity" and didn't pause before posting. 🙄

If it's been posted as a legally-required notice and not in response to someone's nut allergy, it must feel unfair. I don't know how you or HR might get around it, though.

I see your point. I pounced on "severity" and didn't pause before posting. 🙄

If it's been posted as a legally-required notice and not in response to someone's nut allergy, it must feel unfair. I don't know how you or HR might get around it, though.

I've commented on the post earlier, but a few posts since have made me think I'd definitely want to let her know what he said, and see what she thought.
Something like "Hi, we were looking forward to you both coming, but with Dave insert name of DP here saying he thought it was all a fuss and she ought to get over herself, that we thought it was best you both didn't come anymore. We can't risk any contamination."
If she doesn't know anything about it and is any friend, she'll be absolutely mortified and tell him to STFU and leave him at home herself.

Definitely uninvite.him, if hes that arrogant and dumb then he will for sue turn up with a bag of nuts. Its not worth the risk, and other guests will more likely agree.

Unfortunately he clearly hasnt got two braincells to rub together so doesnt know there is a huge medical difference between a phobia and an allergy, he doesnt deserve to be invited for that alone.

Definitely uninvite. Even the most severe phobia is nothing to worry about compared to anaphylactic shock. This horrible/stupid person might will bring nuts in as a joke!

No worries! I didn’t express myself well anyway plus to be fair I was venting slightly. Also at any rate it is a bit arsey of me commenting on allergies anyway, it’s an actual medical issue. It was more the box ticking-ness that annoyed me and I posted like a twat. I won’t be getting around it, it’s bananas for snack from now on which is absolutely fine! I guess I was briefly in a ranty mood.

Apologies to the OP for veering off topic 🫣🫣🫣

I have to RTFT but I hope he’s now been uninvited OP! ETA good for you OP, I just saw he has been uninvited 💯💯💯

Bloody hell. What an attitude. I would definitely in-invite him.

Nicely done @bagpuss90

The man is a total sociopathic bell-end. If he'd still been allowed to come, how much pleasure would you, your DS or his DP have got from the event? Could you have enjoyed it, knowing you couldn't take your eyes off this horrible man in case he did something unconscionably wicked and cruel? That's aside from him messaging you in the way that he did; hyenas couldn't drag someone up with his manners. Screenshot all messages from him and if there are any repercussions, you will have an electronic paper paper trail with which you can entertain all involved parties. It will also give you something you can present to the police, if for any reason, they become involved.

I would uninvite him. I don't have a nut allergy but due to a paracetamol and insect bite allergy I have been hospitalized three times during my life. My allergies were very mild to begin with when I was a child, but are now life threatening.

Sadly this reaction is all too common. I also have an allergy to nuts and I’ve experienced some awful comments over the years. Offering me cake and being told a few little nuts won’t hurt you. Going to a pub with a friend who is no longer my friend and watching her secretly eating nuts out of her coat pocket even though I’ve told her that the smell can cause reaction. Colleagues laughing years ago about Russian roulette with a packet of revells.

It sounds like they’ve banned foods with nuts in them, not foods that may contain traces of nuts?

He does it on purpose to embarrass her.

Or maybe he's just a dickhead.