AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

[bagpuss90]

My sons DP has a severe nut allergy ., she obviously carries an epi pen. I’m hosting a get together tomorrow with friends and family invited . I’m doing most of the cooking but people are bringing drinks. A cpl of people have offered to cook and bring dishes. I’ve said no it’s fine as then I’ll be sure there are no nuts in anything . I put a msg out in the group chat to remind people to please not bring anything with nuts in just in case . I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard. It’s a life threatening allergy not a bloody panic attack that she has ffs . I’d love to tell the ignorant prick he’s no longer welcome- but I don’t want to over react . But he’s ignorance and sheer stupidity have really irritated me. It would be so awkward though if I did tell him not to come . Thoughts please ..

Out of interest did your friend still come?

He sounds like a right prick! To private message his girlfriend’s friend something like that is just so odd!!

Message back, saying just to clarify, anaphylaxia is a potentially fatal allergic reaction, it's not a phobia, I hope this clears up any misapprehension you have about the condition, and I want you to understand how absolutely serious it is, and that you are categorically forbidden to bring anything containing nuts. Otherwise stay away. Hopefully he'll feel like an idiot and bow out.

I'd say if you cant keep your basic comments or thoughts to yourself don't bother coming and while sat at home alone educate yourself on nut allergies that people die from this..
Don't know how you have kept your mouth shut.

Brillant so glad you uninvited him i didnt read the reply before answering x

Well done for uninivting him and maybe send him a link to Natasha’s foundation or Amy May Shead.

@bagpuss90 your friends DP sounds like my cousin.
Eldest niece’s then husband has a severe nut allergy. Family gathering planned, we all contributed food. Told family not to bring anything with nuts. Cousin turns up with an almond cake 🤦‍♀️ She worked in schools so really should have known better. Fortunately nothing happened but I was so cross with her.

Great work, OP!! You’ve done everyone else a favour! 👏🏻

Maybe that will give your friend something to think about. Keep an eye on whether she then stops seeing you without him or not.

Enjoy your evening without knobhead (Unbelieveable!!)

@bagpuss90

How did it go? Did your friend still come?

She really needs to dump him!!

He wasn’t brave enough to put that message in the group chat though was he? Prick!!

How do you overlook something like that? Did she not realise, or what?! 😕

Do you suspect cousin did this intentionally? If so, you should have asked her to leave.

If not, then why really pissed off with her? She maybe missed the message

@Itchysidefoot I doubt she missed the message, I made it obvious in the email replying to her about what to bring.

I think if we had questioned her she would have denied it was intentional. Maybe she forgot.

We didn’t ask her to leave but we did hide the cake and warn the person with the allergy to stay far away from it.

It may be that she thought that since almonds are not really nuts, they wouldn't cause the allergic problem?

Almonds are always considered nuts for the purposes of allergy labelling, @AskingQuestionsAllTheTime.
Their botanical classification as a ‘true nut’ (like hazelnut or chestnut) doesn’t matter. The same goes for walnuts, pistachios, cashews, pecans, brazil nuts etc.

You can be cross if people are careless to the point they put others at risk 🤷‍♀️

Hmm. The reason I wondered was because I am allergic to one of the "true nuts", and separately to peanuts (which are legumes rather than nuts), but not to almonds: I can eat ground almonds with no problem when they are used instead of flour in a cake.

Because in neither case has the allergy caused anything other than the equivalent of an itchy nettle-rash and easily sorted out by taking Piriton (so far, cross fingers), I've never been interested enough to find out which nut causes the trouble in a pound-cake: it's easier just to avoid pound-cakes, which I'm not all that keen on anyway. As for peanuts, these days the mere mention of them and allergy gets everyone alert and means I don't have them inflicted on me by accident.

Your friend is either being abused (despite you saying you don’t think she is) OR she most definitely isn’t “lovely” to be in a relationship with someone like this whereby she isn’t even surprised and appears to just shrug upon learning he’s said some pretty heinous things.

So essentially, you suspect your cousin is some kind of psychopath who wanted to kill this person with a nut allergy?

@Goneforalotto she was stationed overseas with the military so maybe she wanted to flex a very particular set of skills, skills, she acquired over a very long career, to badly paraphrase Liam Neeson. 😂

Oops… that almonds are not botanically classified as true nuts (like hazelnuts and chestnuts are) doesn’t matter when it comes to allergies is what I meant to say. Many of the nuts that cause allergies aren’t true nuts botanically.

@AskingQuestionsAllTheTime
I’d be careful with nut allergies and any allergy can vary in how it presents, so it could be a rash one day and anaphylaxis the next. Maybe you should check out what’s in that pound cake?

Nah, I'll just swerve it. (grin) There is likely to be marzipan under the icing anyway, and I don't like the taste of that even if I seem not to be allergic to almonds.

Is the DP a male? Very strange behaviour. Why would he take the time to send a message? Id tell him to mind his own business, keep his dumb and ignorant comments to himself and stay away.

You think this cousin of yours intentionally rocked up with a cake that could have killed a guest? That is about 100x worse than even the prick of a person in the OP’s scenario

Yeah, bit weird. The partner of a friend of the OP’s. Randomly had her number and out of the blue decided to drop this clanger. Weird

@Alittletiff Honestly I don’t think my cousin did intend to cause harm. They had been a school teacher so should have been extremely aware of allergies which is what made it so odd. Apologies for my levity.

This happened several years ago and I can’t remember what the conversations were at the time of the cake being unveiled. But I know I had informed them and was very taken aback and cross that they would be so cavalier.