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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He's still fucking HERE!! AIBU?

357 replies

Gingernaut · 03/08/2026 11:25

I apologise in advance. This is a very long post, There is even more back story than this.

I have tried not to drip feed.

I'm 58. The eldest of 3. Very glass half empty

I work at a VERY low level job within the NHS, barely above minimum wage

I live in a shitty part of the world - Two decades ago, I bought a three up, three down, mid terraced house, in the hope that, with family help and a loan I could do it up

My family sickened, my life turned to crap, the loan became a complete millstone and I've been unable to do the house up due to lack of funds or sell because the house's current value won't let me buy another place

I have ADHD AND dyslexia, the cost of education is out of reach and I am unqualified apart from O Level, CSE, GCSE level and a useless HND

I am unlikely to get a better paying job

When our parents died owning property in London, middle brother fucked around and got a deed of variation and second brother and I inherited less than we should have done - I was in a very crappy situation, close to killing myself and at least I got some money

Instead of doing the correct thing, I threw money at this dump, got shilled by cowboy builders who since went bust and I am STILL living in a dump in a crappy, slumlord dominated hellscape

At one point, after paying the mortgage off, I was offered £15k for it by a slumlord and I realise I should have bitten his arm off

I would still have enough money to buy a better place in a nicer area

Still, hindsight...20/20...blah,blah

my only 'savings' are the remnants of my inheritance which I am loath to touch as that is my pension/rainy day fund

Think tens of thousands, not hundreds of thousands of £££ - I cannot afford to lose this, spend it rashly or crack into the bonds/savings accounts without penalties

My only saving grace is that I now no longer pay a mortgage, handy, considering I'm paid so little

Middle brother, got a three bedroomed flat in London out of our parents' estate which has only gone up in value since my dad died

He's divorced with two adult children, one of whom is "in law" - Has a law degree and is advising dad

After the sale of the flat, which somehow took forever, he paid his ex-wife and still had a considerable sum of money to buy a place

He moved in in December 2023

It is now August 2026.

At first, it did look temporary.

He did a few jobs around the house, whilst getting to know the area, looking for houses, all the while moving more and more stuff in

Fixed the bathroom window which leaked when it rained and the wind blew in the wrong direction

Found and fixed an issue with the drainage from the cowboy installed upstairs bathroom, digging out a new drain and fixing it to the sewer line in the process

Laid out a new lower path (which causes me issues with a knee injury), but it's now lower than the damp course

Fitted and charged me for a new, unwanted fence but found an issue which had been causing damp in the upstairs bedroom he is now sleeping in

Painted the back of the house after hiring some scaffolding

He started with the damp issue with the downstairs of the house, but stopped more than two years ago

He got caught up spending more and more time in the garden, weeks, in fact

It now looks lovely, but now has grass which needs cutting - Not slumlord or renter friendly

The ONLY people who might have any interest in buying a mid terrace house between tenanted properties will be a landlord and that back yard will cost somewhere in the region of £5k to £10k to take back to slab/concrete/courtyard

There a 20 square foot patch of bare brick in the corner of my back room, signalling to anyone who visits that there is a massive issue with damp and it's been like this for TWO FUCKING YEARS

He found a place, a mid terraced house, but the vendors had to wait for probate

He refused to look for another place

He kept going and bought this dump, with the sale going through in 2024 - It was structurally unsound, near a school, so has parking issues, has antisocial neighbours, but since then he's been promising me that he's leaving

Three dates in 2025 have gone by and he's STILL here

One of the dates, he started shouting at me that I was being insensitive about the death of a guy who he had never mentioned before and he had to go to London to perform a few DIY tasks for his grieving widow

All the while, the space needed to sort the damp issue, make exploratory holes in the flooring to see the extent has been taken up with his hoard

The front room is filled with his tools, desk and chair, the second bedroom is filled with his stuff as well

I started this low paid job as I needed a break from the shift work which was slowly doing my head in

I took a £1k a month pay cut to have regular hours

I worked on small pieces of salvaged furniture, I have an interest in sewing and embroidery and bought an expensive scanner for all the family photographs which I intended to digitise for the rest of the family

All these plans have been turned to shit

The fabrics and thread are inaccessible due to them being locked away in the spare bedroom - more than likely being eaten with moths

The scanner is up and out of reach, there is nowhere to lay it out to operate it

The front room, where the furniture used to be worked on is now hoarded out with tools

I have removed the dining table in the back room to create space - It's now used for drying laundry

Better yet, I am allergic to a variety of foodstuffs which Middle Brother insists on cooking - My own kitchen is inaccessible to me and he sees nothing wrong with this

I have told him to leave - HE refuses and has taken advice from his son to say this is correct

Sum total of the legal argument is "But he'll be homeless"

He insists that the work he's done has more than paid for his rent AND all bills

Yes, reader, in case you're still here, he has not paid any of the bills aside from three months, when he showed willing, all the while piling more stuff up in the house

He does have a storage unit

I have lost the single person's council tax discount and I am paying increased gas and electric bills

I have taken paid legal advice and been told that as he has done some work to the place he may have a beneficial interest in a house I have owned for decades

I have gone into "petty mode"

I have stripped the gas hob and oven of everything to make them useable - Gas consumption has dropped to the point that some days, the standing charge is higher than the cost of the gas used on a daily basis

He then insisted that the washing machine wasn't rinsing properly and started to do two washes - One for the wash and one for the rinse - of course the electricity went up

I removed the machine drawer - A friend at work is looking after it for me

To me, the storage and laundrette costs are more than the cost saved, but I am petty as fuck

Middle brother has now bought an electric hob and his own microwave

Taking up more fucking space and using more electricity

Matters are not helped by the state of his house

During the early Spring, when family visited from all over, he took us on a "tour" of the house

We could stand in the front room, look up and see the underside of the roof

When I challenged him during one Saturday in July about the state of my finances and when he was moving out he gave me an instruction to wear solid shoes and he would take me over to see the state of the place

Sunday morning he confessed that he has spent months digging a hole and there was so little progress on the house that I would notice

He bought such a fucking garbage patch that a well, you know, a water type well, outside his kitchen door has been leaking and damaging the foundations

He had been digging out the well by hand and performing groundworks outside the house after taking advice

And the foundations need to dry out,

And he has to create a soakaway

And the house cannot be moved into

I am beyond fucking livid

This parasite is leeching off his poorly paid and increasingly disabled sister, forcing her to eat out of packets due to his selfishness in the kitchen and he is on side quest after side quest

Electric bike, well, garden etc

Even in his own house, because he has no front garden, he can't park a skip on the road due to the parking issues around the school - A huge portion of the rubble from the works is in 'cages' around the garden, forming building blocks for walls

He has no bathroom or kitchen and this will remain so for some time

Instead of working on the house today he's got a "van job"

I had to take a day off to let the BG Boiler man do his annual survey, hence this rant

The people at work area aware of my predicament - I have two half joking offers of help to dispose of his corpse should I kill him

We worked out I needed two volunteers, because he has two vehicles. They are both dog owners and know remote spots to dispose of the vehicles and his corpse

We jokingly planned it all out, utterly deadpan

I have been referred to safeguarding on the grounds of financial abuse, their referral upwards failed to progress as there are plenty of others in greater need than me and my case was not considered severe enough

The police were useless - "Well, have you told him to leave?"

My paid legal advisor told me he may have a beneficial interest in the house

A house I have owned and lived in for over two decades

What can I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Gingernaut · 27/08/2026 22:20

The well he's been digging out for months seems to have played a part in this as well. 🙄

Fab

OP posts:
SunnyRedSnail · 27/08/2026 22:25

Gingernaut · 27/08/2026 22:20

The well he's been digging out for months seems to have played a part in this as well. 🙄

Fab

Not your problem.

Stand your ground. Change the locks. Insist he leaves.

If its not the water issue it'll be something else.

Good luck tomorrow. Call the police if necessary.

Catza · 27/08/2026 22:37

Gingernaut · 03/08/2026 12:15

Nephew lives in a rented property in another county entirely and could be moving soon

Not your problem, though, is it? That's your brother's problem and his son's problem. This family that you are so scared of losing did jack shit to support you.
What you have at the moment is a bloke who made your house unusable, your life miserable and your finances unmanageable. Why do you care about his son living in another county? The further the better, I'd say.
Give him an eviction letter and he can present to the local council as homeless. You can change the locks and get your life back on track.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 27/08/2026 22:52

Stay calm and focused, grey rock till he's out.

Heronwatcher · 27/08/2026 22:53

Also I genuinely wouldn’t have put it past him to do more damage to the house deliberately to try to change your mind. He’s in last chance saloon so he has nothing to lose.

I predict a major health crisis, tears and the nephew turning up tomorrow.

UpDownAllAround1 · 27/08/2026 23:17

Be prepared for him calling an ambulance with some issue in the morning and as PP says, the nephew turning up. Ignore both

Millytante · 27/08/2026 23:55

Don't you weaken now; this was quite obviously on the cards.
So bloody what if his gaff has a leaky roof? Many hotels and guest houses are watertight, which will be very handy for him TOMORROW WITHOUT FAIL.

Put your fingers in your ears and go LALALALA against the inevitable ifs, buts, and attempts at wheedling another week etc out of you.

If you back down on any inch of this contract with him re tomorrow, you will slide back into impotence, and nothing will ever change. Not for the better, at any rate.

Damn it’s a shame Radio 4 won’t be broadcasting updates on the hour in the morning: you know many here will be agog to hear how its proceeding!
Get a decent night’s kip, and gird your loins ready to stand firm in defence of your property, lady!

toadinthewotsit · 27/08/2026 23:55

Don't answer any whatsapp or texts and don't communicate in writing or by phone in case they record you they'll try to trap you into agreeing that he's done work on the house etc.Locksmith in, police on speed dial, job done. Block him and his son and don't ever let him back in for any reason.

99bottlesofkombucha · 28/08/2026 03:06

I can’t think of someone who deserves a nasty neighbour more, perhaps they will fall in love. But if they don’t not your problem as he won’t be living with you! Byeeeeee!!
well done op.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 28/08/2026 03:38

I've only just found your thread OP, and at just the right time by the looks!

All the best for today.

sesquipedalian · 28/08/2026 05:03

OP, I’m crossing my fingers for you that tomorrow, the locks will be changed, and DB gone. DO NOT WEAKEN. Frankly, your DB deserves whatever fate he has brought upon himself - he has gone through life leeching off other people, and now it’s time for you to reclaim your house and lead your own life. I sincerely hope you will be able to spend the weekend sorting out your OWN kitchen for yourself. Stay strong, and best of luck.

BlueMum16 · 28/08/2026 06:31

You're almost at the finish line.

Remain calm and focused.

Don't give it. Change the locks.

Be unavailable this weekend if he tries to contact you and enjoy your space.

MildlyMoist · 28/08/2026 07:27

Gingernaut · 27/08/2026 22:20

The well he's been digging out for months seems to have played a part in this as well. 🙄

Fab

Christ, is he in fact 5 years old? Or a golden retriever?

SomeoneIsWrongOnTheInternet · 28/08/2026 07:50

Remember what you said about him actually having 2.5 YEARS notice. Tell the nephew to give him a home. You have done enough.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 28/08/2026 08:08

Fingers crossed for you today, OP...

ShrubLover · 28/08/2026 09:03

Good luck OP, stick to your guns. I'm also predicting an ambulance call /suicide threats soon. Ignore all his tactics. In fact I would preempt this by calling the non emergency police line and ask if a police officer could attend tomorrow. How much of this awful man's stuff is still in your home?

mbosnz · 28/08/2026 09:10

Not your problem. He can sort it with a bucket and an umbrella for all you should care. Lots of people live in properties that aren't watertight. He'll survive. You've given him ample notice. Again, not your problem if he didn't take your notice seriously, and aimed to ignore it. Locksmith is coming, ready or not. If he doesn't care enough to sort himself out, no reason why you should care to do it for him. Dickhead. (Him, not you.)

MildlyMoist · 28/08/2026 09:12

SomeoneIsWrongOnTheInternet · 28/08/2026 07:50

Remember what you said about him actually having 2.5 YEARS notice. Tell the nephew to give him a home. You have done enough.

Unless he has an intellectual disability and therefore can’t be responsible for himself, nobody needs to ‘give him a home’. He’s an adult with agency who has made choices which have brought him here. Unless @Gingernaut takes a stand she will be at the whim of his choices (which include not having had to pay any living expenses for years!) for the rest of her life.

Gingernaut · 28/08/2026 10:10

Locksmith arrived and changed the lock

I've got one key in use and the spares and code card are coming with me to stay at work

He made himself scarce before 8.30 this morning

There's still roughly a solid room's worth of stuff still here, including Acrow props

He was warned.

I have planned a few appointments over the weekend and will WhatApp the family group with my terms and availability

My house is mine now

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 28/08/2026 10:13

MildlyMoist · 28/08/2026 07:27

Christ, is he in fact 5 years old? Or a golden retriever?

Where's the laugh emoji when you need it?

😂

OP posts:
Tontostitis · 28/08/2026 10:17

Quite a nice life by the sounds of it no mortgage savingsin the bank now you've got rid of your brother it's time to take responsibility for yourself and enjoy what you have

jeaux90 · 28/08/2026 10:24

Finally OP!! Yes!!!

Hohumbrumbrum · 28/08/2026 10:25

Gingernaut · 28/08/2026 10:10

Locksmith arrived and changed the lock

I've got one key in use and the spares and code card are coming with me to stay at work

He made himself scarce before 8.30 this morning

There's still roughly a solid room's worth of stuff still here, including Acrow props

He was warned.

I have planned a few appointments over the weekend and will WhatApp the family group with my terms and availability

My house is mine now

Just checking he can't get in through a back/stuff door?

Cosmosforbreakfast · 28/08/2026 10:28

Make sure all your windows are shut and locked. Throw anything he left out in your yard. Enjoy having your house back to yourself and hopefully continuing peace of mind.

Millytante · 28/08/2026 10:33

Gingernaut · 28/08/2026 10:10

Locksmith arrived and changed the lock

I've got one key in use and the spares and code card are coming with me to stay at work

He made himself scarce before 8.30 this morning

There's still roughly a solid room's worth of stuff still here, including Acrow props

He was warned.

I have planned a few appointments over the weekend and will WhatApp the family group with my terms and availability

My house is mine now

Blimey, that locksmith was quick off the mark. Brilliant news.
Are you working today?
If so, maybe a rare white lie about a migraine/ etc is in order, so you can be in residence today just in case boarders need repelling.

I’m just thrilled for you. Room for you to breathe again!
If you are contacting family, maintain your opinion that you've nothing whatsoever to apologise for to any of them; indeed you rather think it’s the other way around. But you are above that pettiness and simply desire to move forward now without their various weights at your ankles. Onwards!