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AIBU?

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He's still fucking HERE!! AIBU?

357 replies

Gingernaut · 03/08/2026 11:25

I apologise in advance. This is a very long post, There is even more back story than this.

I have tried not to drip feed.

I'm 58. The eldest of 3. Very glass half empty

I work at a VERY low level job within the NHS, barely above minimum wage

I live in a shitty part of the world - Two decades ago, I bought a three up, three down, mid terraced house, in the hope that, with family help and a loan I could do it up

My family sickened, my life turned to crap, the loan became a complete millstone and I've been unable to do the house up due to lack of funds or sell because the house's current value won't let me buy another place

I have ADHD AND dyslexia, the cost of education is out of reach and I am unqualified apart from O Level, CSE, GCSE level and a useless HND

I am unlikely to get a better paying job

When our parents died owning property in London, middle brother fucked around and got a deed of variation and second brother and I inherited less than we should have done - I was in a very crappy situation, close to killing myself and at least I got some money

Instead of doing the correct thing, I threw money at this dump, got shilled by cowboy builders who since went bust and I am STILL living in a dump in a crappy, slumlord dominated hellscape

At one point, after paying the mortgage off, I was offered £15k for it by a slumlord and I realise I should have bitten his arm off

I would still have enough money to buy a better place in a nicer area

Still, hindsight...20/20...blah,blah

my only 'savings' are the remnants of my inheritance which I am loath to touch as that is my pension/rainy day fund

Think tens of thousands, not hundreds of thousands of £££ - I cannot afford to lose this, spend it rashly or crack into the bonds/savings accounts without penalties

My only saving grace is that I now no longer pay a mortgage, handy, considering I'm paid so little

Middle brother, got a three bedroomed flat in London out of our parents' estate which has only gone up in value since my dad died

He's divorced with two adult children, one of whom is "in law" - Has a law degree and is advising dad

After the sale of the flat, which somehow took forever, he paid his ex-wife and still had a considerable sum of money to buy a place

He moved in in December 2023

It is now August 2026.

At first, it did look temporary.

He did a few jobs around the house, whilst getting to know the area, looking for houses, all the while moving more and more stuff in

Fixed the bathroom window which leaked when it rained and the wind blew in the wrong direction

Found and fixed an issue with the drainage from the cowboy installed upstairs bathroom, digging out a new drain and fixing it to the sewer line in the process

Laid out a new lower path (which causes me issues with a knee injury), but it's now lower than the damp course

Fitted and charged me for a new, unwanted fence but found an issue which had been causing damp in the upstairs bedroom he is now sleeping in

Painted the back of the house after hiring some scaffolding

He started with the damp issue with the downstairs of the house, but stopped more than two years ago

He got caught up spending more and more time in the garden, weeks, in fact

It now looks lovely, but now has grass which needs cutting - Not slumlord or renter friendly

The ONLY people who might have any interest in buying a mid terrace house between tenanted properties will be a landlord and that back yard will cost somewhere in the region of £5k to £10k to take back to slab/concrete/courtyard

There a 20 square foot patch of bare brick in the corner of my back room, signalling to anyone who visits that there is a massive issue with damp and it's been like this for TWO FUCKING YEARS

He found a place, a mid terraced house, but the vendors had to wait for probate

He refused to look for another place

He kept going and bought this dump, with the sale going through in 2024 - It was structurally unsound, near a school, so has parking issues, has antisocial neighbours, but since then he's been promising me that he's leaving

Three dates in 2025 have gone by and he's STILL here

One of the dates, he started shouting at me that I was being insensitive about the death of a guy who he had never mentioned before and he had to go to London to perform a few DIY tasks for his grieving widow

All the while, the space needed to sort the damp issue, make exploratory holes in the flooring to see the extent has been taken up with his hoard

The front room is filled with his tools, desk and chair, the second bedroom is filled with his stuff as well

I started this low paid job as I needed a break from the shift work which was slowly doing my head in

I took a £1k a month pay cut to have regular hours

I worked on small pieces of salvaged furniture, I have an interest in sewing and embroidery and bought an expensive scanner for all the family photographs which I intended to digitise for the rest of the family

All these plans have been turned to shit

The fabrics and thread are inaccessible due to them being locked away in the spare bedroom - more than likely being eaten with moths

The scanner is up and out of reach, there is nowhere to lay it out to operate it

The front room, where the furniture used to be worked on is now hoarded out with tools

I have removed the dining table in the back room to create space - It's now used for drying laundry

Better yet, I am allergic to a variety of foodstuffs which Middle Brother insists on cooking - My own kitchen is inaccessible to me and he sees nothing wrong with this

I have told him to leave - HE refuses and has taken advice from his son to say this is correct

Sum total of the legal argument is "But he'll be homeless"

He insists that the work he's done has more than paid for his rent AND all bills

Yes, reader, in case you're still here, he has not paid any of the bills aside from three months, when he showed willing, all the while piling more stuff up in the house

He does have a storage unit

I have lost the single person's council tax discount and I am paying increased gas and electric bills

I have taken paid legal advice and been told that as he has done some work to the place he may have a beneficial interest in a house I have owned for decades

I have gone into "petty mode"

I have stripped the gas hob and oven of everything to make them useable - Gas consumption has dropped to the point that some days, the standing charge is higher than the cost of the gas used on a daily basis

He then insisted that the washing machine wasn't rinsing properly and started to do two washes - One for the wash and one for the rinse - of course the electricity went up

I removed the machine drawer - A friend at work is looking after it for me

To me, the storage and laundrette costs are more than the cost saved, but I am petty as fuck

Middle brother has now bought an electric hob and his own microwave

Taking up more fucking space and using more electricity

Matters are not helped by the state of his house

During the early Spring, when family visited from all over, he took us on a "tour" of the house

We could stand in the front room, look up and see the underside of the roof

When I challenged him during one Saturday in July about the state of my finances and when he was moving out he gave me an instruction to wear solid shoes and he would take me over to see the state of the place

Sunday morning he confessed that he has spent months digging a hole and there was so little progress on the house that I would notice

He bought such a fucking garbage patch that a well, you know, a water type well, outside his kitchen door has been leaking and damaging the foundations

He had been digging out the well by hand and performing groundworks outside the house after taking advice

And the foundations need to dry out,

And he has to create a soakaway

And the house cannot be moved into

I am beyond fucking livid

This parasite is leeching off his poorly paid and increasingly disabled sister, forcing her to eat out of packets due to his selfishness in the kitchen and he is on side quest after side quest

Electric bike, well, garden etc

Even in his own house, because he has no front garden, he can't park a skip on the road due to the parking issues around the school - A huge portion of the rubble from the works is in 'cages' around the garden, forming building blocks for walls

He has no bathroom or kitchen and this will remain so for some time

Instead of working on the house today he's got a "van job"

I had to take a day off to let the BG Boiler man do his annual survey, hence this rant

The people at work area aware of my predicament - I have two half joking offers of help to dispose of his corpse should I kill him

We worked out I needed two volunteers, because he has two vehicles. They are both dog owners and know remote spots to dispose of the vehicles and his corpse

We jokingly planned it all out, utterly deadpan

I have been referred to safeguarding on the grounds of financial abuse, their referral upwards failed to progress as there are plenty of others in greater need than me and my case was not considered severe enough

The police were useless - "Well, have you told him to leave?"

My paid legal advisor told me he may have a beneficial interest in the house

A house I have owned and lived in for over two decades

What can I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Networksecurity · 26/08/2026 14:20

How many days to go now ?

Gingernaut · 27/08/2026 01:11

Networksecurity · 26/08/2026 14:20

How many days to go now ?

He leaves either tomorrow or early Friday

I've got the locksmith coming before I leave for work

OP posts:
DeeLasVegas · 27/08/2026 01:31

Jaysus grow a pair & change the locks while he is out. Send him a text saying that a mutually agreed date (within 7 days) shall be arranged for him to collect his property. Call the police (on non-emergency number) and ask them to attend the appointment because you are scared of what your brother will do.

RoseField1 · 27/08/2026 01:45

DeeLasVegas · 27/08/2026 01:31

Jaysus grow a pair & change the locks while he is out. Send him a text saying that a mutually agreed date (within 7 days) shall be arranged for him to collect his property. Call the police (on non-emergency number) and ask them to attend the appointment because you are scared of what your brother will do.

You know you can click see all and read the OP's posts only and not have to make yourself look silly by posting something like this?

GOOD LUCK on Friday OP

Rondayvu · 27/08/2026 06:48

RoseField1 · 27/08/2026 01:45

You know you can click see all and read the OP's posts only and not have to make yourself look silly by posting something like this?

GOOD LUCK on Friday OP

I really think there should be an unlock feature or something on this board where you HAVE to read all of the OPs posts before you can comment. Its ridiculous posting a million pages in without reading anything else from the op at least.

Rhubarbsoap · 27/08/2026 08:13

Best of Luck- I am really hopeful that from now on you have a much more peaceful and happy life on your own!! Im
glad you set the date, I just thought today to check up on this. We are all behind you 💪🏼

Gingernaut · 27/08/2026 09:28

DeeLasVegas · 27/08/2026 01:31

Jaysus grow a pair & change the locks while he is out. Send him a text saying that a mutually agreed date (within 7 days) shall be arranged for him to collect his property. Call the police (on non-emergency number) and ask them to attend the appointment because you are scared of what your brother will do.

Even if you don't RTFT (read the full thread), you can see all the posts by clicking on the blue see all button at the bottom right hand of the OP's posts

You can then get a 'flavour' of what's happening

He's still fucking HERE!! AIBU?
OP posts:
Wordherder · 27/08/2026 11:16

Gingernaut · 27/08/2026 09:28

Even if you don't RTFT (read the full thread), you can see all the posts by clicking on the blue see all button at the bottom right hand of the OP's posts

You can then get a 'flavour' of what's happening

I don't know where in the country you live, but I teeny part of me hope it's chucking it down with rain when he leaves - pathetic fallacy and all that.
Wash him RIGHT away from your home!

MildlyMoist · 27/08/2026 12:17

Counting the hours for you, @Gingernaut - I’m living this with you!

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 27/08/2026 12:51

Every time the thread title comes up in my notifications, I get anxious because he’s Still Fucking HERE!!

Gingernaut · 27/08/2026 20:24

Spoke too soon

Spoke waaaay too fucking soon

I got home in the thunderstorm to find most of his stuff gone from the front room, but he's got another excuse

The house he's been working on for over 18 months is not fucking water tight

Even showed me a video of the water being pumped out his front door

Apparently, I've not given him enough notice and there's no way he'll be ready to move out by 0930 tomorrow

I asked if I had to call the police he said no

I told him the locksmith is coming whether he's ready or not

He's still trying to bargain his way out of this

I am livid

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 27/08/2026 20:27

Added bonus, I pointed out an issue with my shower or shower drain leaking into the kitchen ceiling and of course, he's got a plan to fix that.

I've told him not to bother

OP posts:
Coka · 27/08/2026 20:30

Stay strong OP. He was never going to make it easy for you. His problems are not yours. You got this!

MildlyMoist · 27/08/2026 20:35

He has absolutely nobody to blame but himself. The more time he spends in his broken house the more time he has to fix it. What an arsehole.

BasilParsley · 27/08/2026 20:40

Defo stay strong... @Gingernaut Have your finger poised to do the 999 bit when the locksmith arrives in the morning so he's locked out...

HappyHedgehog247 · 27/08/2026 20:51

I just found your thread and want to say how proud I am of you and your determination despite him throwing all sorts at you: shame of your (dead) parents, lawyery nephew, 90 billion "reasons" he can't, bargaining for simple extension of 4 weeks. Stay strong.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 27/08/2026 20:52

He’s turned your home into a building site. He can go and live in his own building site so you can reclaim your home.

Bluebeast · 27/08/2026 20:59

Gingernaut · 27/08/2026 20:24

Spoke too soon

Spoke waaaay too fucking soon

I got home in the thunderstorm to find most of his stuff gone from the front room, but he's got another excuse

The house he's been working on for over 18 months is not fucking water tight

Even showed me a video of the water being pumped out his front door

Apparently, I've not given him enough notice and there's no way he'll be ready to move out by 0930 tomorrow

I asked if I had to call the police he said no

I told him the locksmith is coming whether he's ready or not

He's still trying to bargain his way out of this

I am livid

Go ahead with your plan to change locks and get him gone. He will have to sleep upstairs in his own bloody property. He should have insurance to deal with major problems like this!

Gingernaut · 27/08/2026 21:30

Bluebeast · 27/08/2026 20:59

Go ahead with your plan to change locks and get him gone. He will have to sleep upstairs in his own bloody property. He should have insurance to deal with major problems like this!

He's owned and worked on his house since late 2024

He's found problem after issue, after problem and his house isn't even water tight after nearly TWO FUCKING YEARS

He's had until December 2023 to find a place to live

He's had all this time to find a place, in his budget and move in

And I've been on at him the entire time about when he's leaving

Apparently 18 days notice wasn't enough

Fuck this

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 27/08/2026 21:44

He's had until December 2023 to find a place to live

Since.

He's had SINCE December 2023 to find a place to live

OP posts:
PrizedPickledPopcorn · 27/08/2026 21:46

Stay calm and keep on answering logically. He’s had 3 years to make it watertight. The issues are with his choices, not your having hosted him for such a long time.

Every time he grumbles alternate between the 2 truths.
You have housed him for years.
He has chosen not to fix his house- or yours- for years.

AWomanOfWealthAndTaste · 27/08/2026 21:54

Fucking hell.

Middlemarch123 · 27/08/2026 22:00

The focus has to be he’s out of your home tomorrow.
if his house isn’t habitable, not your problem. He can stay in a B&B, anywhere.
Don’t be thwarted by him trying to make his issues something for you to solve.
Stay strong and determined. we’re all rooting for you x

Smittenkitchen · 27/08/2026 22:05

Just caught up on your thread. Sweet Lord, what you've been through. Exciting that tomorrow is the day, stick to it no matter what, whether his "house" burns down or falls into a giant sinkhole or is beamed onto another planet by an alien spacecraft. It is not your responsibility, you have already done far too much for him. He'll certainly work something out, he seems skilled at using other people to his advantage! You seem totally resolved to follow through, it's time for your to get your life and home back. He'll obviously keep pushing until the last moment in the hope that you'll give in so just stand firm. 💪🏼

Heronwatcher · 27/08/2026 22:13

He has options. He can go up in the roof and put a taupaulin down and some big buckets to catch the leaks. He can live/ sleep in the room that is least affected. He could pitch a tent in the garden, buy a big shed, or a caravan (you can get cheap ones on eBay) and sleep there. He could book an Airbnb and pay a roofer. He could stay with his son. But above all, this is not your problem, he is a grown man, healthy, who can work, earn money and repair things himself.

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