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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He's still fucking HERE!! AIBU?

357 replies

Gingernaut · 03/08/2026 11:25

I apologise in advance. This is a very long post, There is even more back story than this.

I have tried not to drip feed.

I'm 58. The eldest of 3. Very glass half empty

I work at a VERY low level job within the NHS, barely above minimum wage

I live in a shitty part of the world - Two decades ago, I bought a three up, three down, mid terraced house, in the hope that, with family help and a loan I could do it up

My family sickened, my life turned to crap, the loan became a complete millstone and I've been unable to do the house up due to lack of funds or sell because the house's current value won't let me buy another place

I have ADHD AND dyslexia, the cost of education is out of reach and I am unqualified apart from O Level, CSE, GCSE level and a useless HND

I am unlikely to get a better paying job

When our parents died owning property in London, middle brother fucked around and got a deed of variation and second brother and I inherited less than we should have done - I was in a very crappy situation, close to killing myself and at least I got some money

Instead of doing the correct thing, I threw money at this dump, got shilled by cowboy builders who since went bust and I am STILL living in a dump in a crappy, slumlord dominated hellscape

At one point, after paying the mortgage off, I was offered £15k for it by a slumlord and I realise I should have bitten his arm off

I would still have enough money to buy a better place in a nicer area

Still, hindsight...20/20...blah,blah

my only 'savings' are the remnants of my inheritance which I am loath to touch as that is my pension/rainy day fund

Think tens of thousands, not hundreds of thousands of £££ - I cannot afford to lose this, spend it rashly or crack into the bonds/savings accounts without penalties

My only saving grace is that I now no longer pay a mortgage, handy, considering I'm paid so little

Middle brother, got a three bedroomed flat in London out of our parents' estate which has only gone up in value since my dad died

He's divorced with two adult children, one of whom is "in law" - Has a law degree and is advising dad

After the sale of the flat, which somehow took forever, he paid his ex-wife and still had a considerable sum of money to buy a place

He moved in in December 2023

It is now August 2026.

At first, it did look temporary.

He did a few jobs around the house, whilst getting to know the area, looking for houses, all the while moving more and more stuff in

Fixed the bathroom window which leaked when it rained and the wind blew in the wrong direction

Found and fixed an issue with the drainage from the cowboy installed upstairs bathroom, digging out a new drain and fixing it to the sewer line in the process

Laid out a new lower path (which causes me issues with a knee injury), but it's now lower than the damp course

Fitted and charged me for a new, unwanted fence but found an issue which had been causing damp in the upstairs bedroom he is now sleeping in

Painted the back of the house after hiring some scaffolding

He started with the damp issue with the downstairs of the house, but stopped more than two years ago

He got caught up spending more and more time in the garden, weeks, in fact

It now looks lovely, but now has grass which needs cutting - Not slumlord or renter friendly

The ONLY people who might have any interest in buying a mid terrace house between tenanted properties will be a landlord and that back yard will cost somewhere in the region of £5k to £10k to take back to slab/concrete/courtyard

There a 20 square foot patch of bare brick in the corner of my back room, signalling to anyone who visits that there is a massive issue with damp and it's been like this for TWO FUCKING YEARS

He found a place, a mid terraced house, but the vendors had to wait for probate

He refused to look for another place

He kept going and bought this dump, with the sale going through in 2024 - It was structurally unsound, near a school, so has parking issues, has antisocial neighbours, but since then he's been promising me that he's leaving

Three dates in 2025 have gone by and he's STILL here

One of the dates, he started shouting at me that I was being insensitive about the death of a guy who he had never mentioned before and he had to go to London to perform a few DIY tasks for his grieving widow

All the while, the space needed to sort the damp issue, make exploratory holes in the flooring to see the extent has been taken up with his hoard

The front room is filled with his tools, desk and chair, the second bedroom is filled with his stuff as well

I started this low paid job as I needed a break from the shift work which was slowly doing my head in

I took a £1k a month pay cut to have regular hours

I worked on small pieces of salvaged furniture, I have an interest in sewing and embroidery and bought an expensive scanner for all the family photographs which I intended to digitise for the rest of the family

All these plans have been turned to shit

The fabrics and thread are inaccessible due to them being locked away in the spare bedroom - more than likely being eaten with moths

The scanner is up and out of reach, there is nowhere to lay it out to operate it

The front room, where the furniture used to be worked on is now hoarded out with tools

I have removed the dining table in the back room to create space - It's now used for drying laundry

Better yet, I am allergic to a variety of foodstuffs which Middle Brother insists on cooking - My own kitchen is inaccessible to me and he sees nothing wrong with this

I have told him to leave - HE refuses and has taken advice from his son to say this is correct

Sum total of the legal argument is "But he'll be homeless"

He insists that the work he's done has more than paid for his rent AND all bills

Yes, reader, in case you're still here, he has not paid any of the bills aside from three months, when he showed willing, all the while piling more stuff up in the house

He does have a storage unit

I have lost the single person's council tax discount and I am paying increased gas and electric bills

I have taken paid legal advice and been told that as he has done some work to the place he may have a beneficial interest in a house I have owned for decades

I have gone into "petty mode"

I have stripped the gas hob and oven of everything to make them useable - Gas consumption has dropped to the point that some days, the standing charge is higher than the cost of the gas used on a daily basis

He then insisted that the washing machine wasn't rinsing properly and started to do two washes - One for the wash and one for the rinse - of course the electricity went up

I removed the machine drawer - A friend at work is looking after it for me

To me, the storage and laundrette costs are more than the cost saved, but I am petty as fuck

Middle brother has now bought an electric hob and his own microwave

Taking up more fucking space and using more electricity

Matters are not helped by the state of his house

During the early Spring, when family visited from all over, he took us on a "tour" of the house

We could stand in the front room, look up and see the underside of the roof

When I challenged him during one Saturday in July about the state of my finances and when he was moving out he gave me an instruction to wear solid shoes and he would take me over to see the state of the place

Sunday morning he confessed that he has spent months digging a hole and there was so little progress on the house that I would notice

He bought such a fucking garbage patch that a well, you know, a water type well, outside his kitchen door has been leaking and damaging the foundations

He had been digging out the well by hand and performing groundworks outside the house after taking advice

And the foundations need to dry out,

And he has to create a soakaway

And the house cannot be moved into

I am beyond fucking livid

This parasite is leeching off his poorly paid and increasingly disabled sister, forcing her to eat out of packets due to his selfishness in the kitchen and he is on side quest after side quest

Electric bike, well, garden etc

Even in his own house, because he has no front garden, he can't park a skip on the road due to the parking issues around the school - A huge portion of the rubble from the works is in 'cages' around the garden, forming building blocks for walls

He has no bathroom or kitchen and this will remain so for some time

Instead of working on the house today he's got a "van job"

I had to take a day off to let the BG Boiler man do his annual survey, hence this rant

The people at work area aware of my predicament - I have two half joking offers of help to dispose of his corpse should I kill him

We worked out I needed two volunteers, because he has two vehicles. They are both dog owners and know remote spots to dispose of the vehicles and his corpse

We jokingly planned it all out, utterly deadpan

I have been referred to safeguarding on the grounds of financial abuse, their referral upwards failed to progress as there are plenty of others in greater need than me and my case was not considered severe enough

The police were useless - "Well, have you told him to leave?"

My paid legal advisor told me he may have a beneficial interest in the house

A house I have owned and lived in for over two decades

What can I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
WinterBlues26 · 13/08/2026 14:12

Gingernaut · 12/08/2026 15:36

Locksmith sorted. In the diary for the 28th

Well done OP. It might seem a little thing to do for a lot of posters but I'm aware this is a huge thing for you. Don't back down now, keep strong Flowers

Gingernaut · 13/08/2026 14:47

Binglebong · 12/08/2026 17:18

Can I just say I'm proud of you. I know that doesn't mean much but read the first post to the last and you will see the difference, even in so short of a time. You're kicking ass!

I was already at my wits' end when I started the thread.

This has all been brewing for some time

OP posts:
ElasticFantasticBoombastic · 14/08/2026 18:53

Binglebong · 12/08/2026 14:33

When you speak to the police use the word cuckooing. It's one of the things they are looking out for at the moment so using may get more attention.

Good luck!

What illegal activity is being run from inside the OP’s home to make this cuckooing? Drug dealing? Sex work? Sale of weapons?

Don’t suggest wasting police officers’ time by lying. OP is doing fine as she is.

Frumpitydoo · 14/08/2026 19:13

Act like a mug, be treated like a mug.

Binglebong · 14/08/2026 20:04

ElasticFantasticBoombastic · 14/08/2026 18:53

What illegal activity is being run from inside the OP’s home to make this cuckooing? Drug dealing? Sex work? Sale of weapons?

Don’t suggest wasting police officers’ time by lying. OP is doing fine as she is.

The definition includes Financial abuse, forcing the tenant to hand over money or let others live there - she is being forced to allow her brother to live there. It doesn't have to be physical force.

ElasticFantasticBoombastic · 14/08/2026 20:43

Binglebong · 14/08/2026 20:04

The definition includes Financial abuse, forcing the tenant to hand over money or let others live there - she is being forced to allow her brother to live there. It doesn't have to be physical force.

Cuckooing is not about family members who have moved themselves in. It is about criminals taking over the homes of vulnerable people, and potentially carrying out the activities listed.

Gingernaut · 14/08/2026 22:04

Agree

Cuckooing is the taking over of a property for criminal purposes

Brother, did move in and is financially and coercively abusive

He's used my house as a toolbox for his house

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 16/08/2026 19:28

Meanwhile....

Brother is making a big song and dance about the effort he's making, but he's too busy and doesn't have enough time to clean up after himself

The kitchen floor is filthy, with blackened food spatters all over the floor around his air fryer, I found a banana skin in the washing machine when I went to use it on Friday night, there' a fly tipped bin bag of 'insulation' he "needs to do something" with out on the pavement and he's using the most electricity as possible for any and all purposes

For the entire summer, he's been cool/cold showering with just the window open, now he's got to have the light on and the extractor fan on.

While it's daylight.🤔

12 more days to go

OP posts:
Datgal · 16/08/2026 19:46

Solidarity and kudos to you op. You can do this. Reminds me of when a family member plucked up the courage to get rid of an abusive partner. Got everything lined up (although he had no warning as he'd have gone apeshit).
But she said it was the best thing she ever did. 🥳🫶

BlueMum16 · 16/08/2026 21:51

12 days and counting. Stay strong. Will all be over soon.

Heronwatcher · 17/08/2026 11:16

Yes he probably will escalate his behaviour between now and the 28th. My advice is just not rise to it, ignore as much as you can and then think passive agressive for the rest of it “oh, I think someone has left a banana skin in the washing machine- how bizarre. Could you take it out please?”

He’s also likely to start with the emotional blackmail soon, don’t be surprised if he starts with the “mum and dad would be so sorry to see this” or “I’m sorry, things will change if you give me one more chance/ extend the deadline”. Or even if he becomes very ill all of a sudden. Or suddenly become neurodiverse or have a mental health crisis. Be alive to his likely tactics. He’ll probably deploy every member of the family who don’t want to deal with him themselves too. Expect the unexpected. And do not change your plan! He can be ill in hospital or a premier inn if he needs to be. And if he’s got mental health issues he can refer himself to adult social services and take their advice.

Have you got a plan for what is going to happen on the 28th once you change the locks? If not the police, could you have a friend with you when he has to go?

TimeForTeaAndG · 17/08/2026 11:17

Oh how sad the extractor fan tripped everything while he was blasting the shower...

I'm not suggesting petty games,don't stoop to his level. Less than a fortnight to go.

UpDownAllAround1 · 17/08/2026 12:27

Be aware of the man illness/ covid excuse

Orangemintcream · 17/08/2026 12:57

Yes he will very likely have some sort of health crisis.

Have you spoken to the police yet ?

Gingernaut · 17/08/2026 14:54

I haven't spoke to the police yet.

He's already brought up the what would our parents think?

I'm not mentioning anything as we are studiously avoiding each other, not even saying hello to each other

Fan is linked to the light, can' 'fix' that without busting the light

His knee is playing him up as is his back

As he has STILL not registered with a GP, that's on him

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 17/08/2026 20:35

Remember his antisocial neighbours from the first post?

Nutter neighbour on one side has gone out of her way to make life hard for him

He has been contacted by the council on a number of occasions and had to arrange visits and meetings because of her complaints

She's done it again, complaining about vermin

His problem and the locks are still changing next Friday

One more weekend to go...

OP posts:
MildlyMoist · 17/08/2026 21:00

Gingernaut · 17/08/2026 20:35

Remember his antisocial neighbours from the first post?

Nutter neighbour on one side has gone out of her way to make life hard for him

He has been contacted by the council on a number of occasions and had to arrange visits and meetings because of her complaints

She's done it again, complaining about vermin

His problem and the locks are still changing next Friday

One more weekend to go...

He’ll have plenty of time to deal with the vermin when he moves in, won’t he. He’ll be on the spot to handle it all.

Stay strong. He is a freeloading twat and you have the force of righteousness (and all of Mumsnet) behind you!

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 18/08/2026 08:20

The comment about what your parents would think- that’s such a DARVO accusation. I would have thought they’d be shocked he’s swindled his siblings out of their inheritance.

Gingernaut · 18/08/2026 09:32

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 18/08/2026 08:20

The comment about what your parents would think- that’s such a DARVO accusation. I would have thought they’d be shocked he’s swindled his siblings out of their inheritance.

He sees no fault in what he's doing or what he's ever done or why anyone would find fault with his actions

OP posts:
nonevernotever · 18/08/2026 18:07

Ten days to go. We're all with you.

Gingernaut · 19/08/2026 23:28

Nine days

Place is a pigsty

He's getting things 'sorted' to pack them away

There's quite a collection of bread crates in the front room

OP posts:
Networksecurity · 20/08/2026 11:48

I saw that you wrote about a dodgy light

Suggest that you buy a torch to use after he has gone

Networksecurity · 20/08/2026 11:49

Nine days to go....

Gingernaut · 20/08/2026 11:57

Networksecurity · 20/08/2026 11:48

I saw that you wrote about a dodgy light

Suggest that you buy a torch to use after he has gone

The fan is linked to the light, but can be switched on and off separately

He's going out of his way to switch both the light and the fan on together

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 20/08/2026 12:43

I am so happy for you. I know you’re at your wits on, rooting for you. Stay safe.

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