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AIBU?

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He's still fucking HERE!! AIBU?

357 replies

Gingernaut · 03/08/2026 11:25

I apologise in advance. This is a very long post, There is even more back story than this.

I have tried not to drip feed.

I'm 58. The eldest of 3. Very glass half empty

I work at a VERY low level job within the NHS, barely above minimum wage

I live in a shitty part of the world - Two decades ago, I bought a three up, three down, mid terraced house, in the hope that, with family help and a loan I could do it up

My family sickened, my life turned to crap, the loan became a complete millstone and I've been unable to do the house up due to lack of funds or sell because the house's current value won't let me buy another place

I have ADHD AND dyslexia, the cost of education is out of reach and I am unqualified apart from O Level, CSE, GCSE level and a useless HND

I am unlikely to get a better paying job

When our parents died owning property in London, middle brother fucked around and got a deed of variation and second brother and I inherited less than we should have done - I was in a very crappy situation, close to killing myself and at least I got some money

Instead of doing the correct thing, I threw money at this dump, got shilled by cowboy builders who since went bust and I am STILL living in a dump in a crappy, slumlord dominated hellscape

At one point, after paying the mortgage off, I was offered £15k for it by a slumlord and I realise I should have bitten his arm off

I would still have enough money to buy a better place in a nicer area

Still, hindsight...20/20...blah,blah

my only 'savings' are the remnants of my inheritance which I am loath to touch as that is my pension/rainy day fund

Think tens of thousands, not hundreds of thousands of £££ - I cannot afford to lose this, spend it rashly or crack into the bonds/savings accounts without penalties

My only saving grace is that I now no longer pay a mortgage, handy, considering I'm paid so little

Middle brother, got a three bedroomed flat in London out of our parents' estate which has only gone up in value since my dad died

He's divorced with two adult children, one of whom is "in law" - Has a law degree and is advising dad

After the sale of the flat, which somehow took forever, he paid his ex-wife and still had a considerable sum of money to buy a place

He moved in in December 2023

It is now August 2026.

At first, it did look temporary.

He did a few jobs around the house, whilst getting to know the area, looking for houses, all the while moving more and more stuff in

Fixed the bathroom window which leaked when it rained and the wind blew in the wrong direction

Found and fixed an issue with the drainage from the cowboy installed upstairs bathroom, digging out a new drain and fixing it to the sewer line in the process

Laid out a new lower path (which causes me issues with a knee injury), but it's now lower than the damp course

Fitted and charged me for a new, unwanted fence but found an issue which had been causing damp in the upstairs bedroom he is now sleeping in

Painted the back of the house after hiring some scaffolding

He started with the damp issue with the downstairs of the house, but stopped more than two years ago

He got caught up spending more and more time in the garden, weeks, in fact

It now looks lovely, but now has grass which needs cutting - Not slumlord or renter friendly

The ONLY people who might have any interest in buying a mid terrace house between tenanted properties will be a landlord and that back yard will cost somewhere in the region of £5k to £10k to take back to slab/concrete/courtyard

There a 20 square foot patch of bare brick in the corner of my back room, signalling to anyone who visits that there is a massive issue with damp and it's been like this for TWO FUCKING YEARS

He found a place, a mid terraced house, but the vendors had to wait for probate

He refused to look for another place

He kept going and bought this dump, with the sale going through in 2024 - It was structurally unsound, near a school, so has parking issues, has antisocial neighbours, but since then he's been promising me that he's leaving

Three dates in 2025 have gone by and he's STILL here

One of the dates, he started shouting at me that I was being insensitive about the death of a guy who he had never mentioned before and he had to go to London to perform a few DIY tasks for his grieving widow

All the while, the space needed to sort the damp issue, make exploratory holes in the flooring to see the extent has been taken up with his hoard

The front room is filled with his tools, desk and chair, the second bedroom is filled with his stuff as well

I started this low paid job as I needed a break from the shift work which was slowly doing my head in

I took a £1k a month pay cut to have regular hours

I worked on small pieces of salvaged furniture, I have an interest in sewing and embroidery and bought an expensive scanner for all the family photographs which I intended to digitise for the rest of the family

All these plans have been turned to shit

The fabrics and thread are inaccessible due to them being locked away in the spare bedroom - more than likely being eaten with moths

The scanner is up and out of reach, there is nowhere to lay it out to operate it

The front room, where the furniture used to be worked on is now hoarded out with tools

I have removed the dining table in the back room to create space - It's now used for drying laundry

Better yet, I am allergic to a variety of foodstuffs which Middle Brother insists on cooking - My own kitchen is inaccessible to me and he sees nothing wrong with this

I have told him to leave - HE refuses and has taken advice from his son to say this is correct

Sum total of the legal argument is "But he'll be homeless"

He insists that the work he's done has more than paid for his rent AND all bills

Yes, reader, in case you're still here, he has not paid any of the bills aside from three months, when he showed willing, all the while piling more stuff up in the house

He does have a storage unit

I have lost the single person's council tax discount and I am paying increased gas and electric bills

I have taken paid legal advice and been told that as he has done some work to the place he may have a beneficial interest in a house I have owned for decades

I have gone into "petty mode"

I have stripped the gas hob and oven of everything to make them useable - Gas consumption has dropped to the point that some days, the standing charge is higher than the cost of the gas used on a daily basis

He then insisted that the washing machine wasn't rinsing properly and started to do two washes - One for the wash and one for the rinse - of course the electricity went up

I removed the machine drawer - A friend at work is looking after it for me

To me, the storage and laundrette costs are more than the cost saved, but I am petty as fuck

Middle brother has now bought an electric hob and his own microwave

Taking up more fucking space and using more electricity

Matters are not helped by the state of his house

During the early Spring, when family visited from all over, he took us on a "tour" of the house

We could stand in the front room, look up and see the underside of the roof

When I challenged him during one Saturday in July about the state of my finances and when he was moving out he gave me an instruction to wear solid shoes and he would take me over to see the state of the place

Sunday morning he confessed that he has spent months digging a hole and there was so little progress on the house that I would notice

He bought such a fucking garbage patch that a well, you know, a water type well, outside his kitchen door has been leaking and damaging the foundations

He had been digging out the well by hand and performing groundworks outside the house after taking advice

And the foundations need to dry out,

And he has to create a soakaway

And the house cannot be moved into

I am beyond fucking livid

This parasite is leeching off his poorly paid and increasingly disabled sister, forcing her to eat out of packets due to his selfishness in the kitchen and he is on side quest after side quest

Electric bike, well, garden etc

Even in his own house, because he has no front garden, he can't park a skip on the road due to the parking issues around the school - A huge portion of the rubble from the works is in 'cages' around the garden, forming building blocks for walls

He has no bathroom or kitchen and this will remain so for some time

Instead of working on the house today he's got a "van job"

I had to take a day off to let the BG Boiler man do his annual survey, hence this rant

The people at work area aware of my predicament - I have two half joking offers of help to dispose of his corpse should I kill him

We worked out I needed two volunteers, because he has two vehicles. They are both dog owners and know remote spots to dispose of the vehicles and his corpse

We jokingly planned it all out, utterly deadpan

I have been referred to safeguarding on the grounds of financial abuse, their referral upwards failed to progress as there are plenty of others in greater need than me and my case was not considered severe enough

The police were useless - "Well, have you told him to leave?"

My paid legal advisor told me he may have a beneficial interest in the house

A house I have owned and lived in for over two decades

What can I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Gingernaut · 10/08/2026 23:07

Brother is helping Nephew move next weekend

Nephew lives in a different county

Nephew is still going, telling me that a 'reasonable' notice would be one calendar month

My last replies before bed

He's still fucking HERE!! AIBU?
OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 11/08/2026 08:05

Action not words now OP. Please arrange the lock changing for your ongoing sanity

Gingernaut · 11/08/2026 08:12

Assessment day for a pssible new job today

Locksmith, solicitor and trip to police station tomorrow

OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 11/08/2026 08:16

Hope all goes well. We are routing for you @Gingernaut

mbosnz · 11/08/2026 08:23

A reasonable compromise is that his father takes responsibility for housing himself. If nothing else, the weather is good, he can go get himself a tent and a sleeping bag. Plenty of people do it. Ultimately, if he refuses to take responsbility for himself while he still can, this is the way he is heading, anyway. Alternatively, if his son is that worried, he can do what he can to support and house his father from where he is.

Your brother has burned through this particular bridge. He needs to move on. (And personally I'd NEVER be letting the shiftless twat through my front door again, regardless of what happens.)

WinterBlues26 · 11/08/2026 08:29

Gingernaut · 11/08/2026 08:12

Assessment day for a pssible new job today

Locksmith, solicitor and trip to police station tomorrow

Good luck, both for today and tomorrow!

CharityShopMensGlasses · 11/08/2026 08:47

Gingernaut · 11/08/2026 08:12

Assessment day for a pssible new job today

Locksmith, solicitor and trip to police station tomorrow

Well done! You can do this :) your life is your own to run! And you are doing what you need to do:)

SparklyBrickViper · 11/08/2026 09:00

Good luck @Gingernaut

Your nephew could temp house his father surely?

Gingernaut · 11/08/2026 11:56

SparklyBrickViper · 11/08/2026 09:00

Good luck @Gingernaut

Your nephew could temp house his father surely?

No

Nephew is moving to another city next weekend

With his dad's help, of course

OP posts:
CruelsummerTS · 11/08/2026 14:59

Gingernaut · 11/08/2026 11:56

No

Nephew is moving to another city next weekend

With his dad's help, of course

Might want to gently suggest that if he is SO very worried then he should help look after his own father and not rely on you!

Tbh I’d be changing the locks while the he’s gone to help anyway.

Gingernaut · 11/08/2026 15:09

CruelsummerTS · 11/08/2026 14:59

Might want to gently suggest that if he is SO very worried then he should help look after his own father and not rely on you!

Tbh I’d be changing the locks while the he’s gone to help anyway.

Unlike my brother, I am a woman of my word

I said 28th August, so it's 28th August.

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 11/08/2026 17:06

Gingernaut · 11/08/2026 15:09

Unlike my brother, I am a woman of my word

I said 28th August, so it's 28th August.

You could still change the locks though, he could still live there, it would just mean that he’d have to arrange to be let in? Which would be a pain for him, but it might show him that you’re serious and encourage him on his way (especially if you are out on occasion and don’t hurry back..). Obviously keep the key to the new lock in a safe or something! Maybe get a massive inside bolt fitted at the same time…

Gingernaut · 11/08/2026 22:16

I do not work flexibly

This would be a nightmare

He would have a field day

OP posts:
CruelsummerTS · 12/08/2026 09:42

Gingernaut · 11/08/2026 15:09

Unlike my brother, I am a woman of my word

I said 28th August, so it's 28th August.

I agree you’re doing the right thing.

Gingernaut · 12/08/2026 13:41

Update.

I've met the solicitor who, according to the information I've given him, has confirmed that brother is an excluded tenant and he has no beneficial interest in the property

I can change the locks tomorrow or at any time, but giving notice for the 28th is more than fair

Tipping the police off about changing the locks is a good idea too.

Now off to the locksmith with photos of the lock I want changed

OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 12/08/2026 13:54

Gingernaut · 12/08/2026 13:41

Update.

I've met the solicitor who, according to the information I've given him, has confirmed that brother is an excluded tenant and he has no beneficial interest in the property

I can change the locks tomorrow or at any time, but giving notice for the 28th is more than fair

Tipping the police off about changing the locks is a good idea too.

Now off to the locksmith with photos of the lock I want changed

Excellent news.

Binglebong · 12/08/2026 14:33

When you speak to the police use the word cuckooing. It's one of the things they are looking out for at the moment so using may get more attention.

Good luck!

Gingernaut · 12/08/2026 14:39

Binglebong · 12/08/2026 14:33

When you speak to the police use the word cuckooing. It's one of the things they are looking out for at the moment so using may get more attention.

Good luck!

I live in an area where the police respond very quickly

Notorious for antisocial and criminal behaviour, they're here in minutes any way

OP posts:
Eclipseydo · 12/08/2026 14:41

Great news.
Also telling the police the background of years of bullying and manipulation as he has financially abused you.
Get that down on record.
He is a parasite.

Maintaining connections with people like this is such a sunken cost fallacy.
He adds nothing to your life.
Your nephew is aiding and abetting the bullying.
Perhaps telling him if he continues to harrass you you will be adding HIS name into the mix when you seek advice from the police.

Bet he will STFU quick enough.

SunnyRedSnail · 12/08/2026 15:17

Gingernaut · 12/08/2026 13:41

Update.

I've met the solicitor who, according to the information I've given him, has confirmed that brother is an excluded tenant and he has no beneficial interest in the property

I can change the locks tomorrow or at any time, but giving notice for the 28th is more than fair

Tipping the police off about changing the locks is a good idea too.

Now off to the locksmith with photos of the lock I want changed

100% he has no claim.

I know you've told him move out 28th August, but I would be more specific and put it in writing e.g. just to confirm that you will be moving out of my property on 28th of August 2026 by 4pm.

This gives him more than enough time to move his stuff to his own house and try and make it habitable. He doesn't need a kitchen if he bought his own electric hob and microwave!

Good luck and be firm with him. No extension.

Gingernaut · 12/08/2026 15:22

I have whatsapped the date enough times

I've have written letters in the past that were completely ignored

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 12/08/2026 15:36

Locksmith sorted. In the diary for the 28th

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 12/08/2026 15:51

Gingernaut · 12/08/2026 15:36

Locksmith sorted. In the diary for the 28th

Glad you have a plan and reassurance from your solicitor.

At least the end is in sight and you can plan for your future, whatever that may bring.

Millytante · 12/08/2026 16:55

Gingernaut · 11/08/2026 15:09

Unlike my brother, I am a woman of my word

I said 28th August, so it's 28th August.

Excellent. In that case nothing on Earth will induce you to extend his access to, let alone presence in, your house. This includes all his gear. You will not be swayed by pleading nor by threats.
Alerting brother and nephew that you’ve engaged a houseclearing service for a day or two after this might be a handy ‘enforcer’, too.
Put the fib on my conscience if you feel 100% honesty and transparency must be used with them at all times.

Binglebong · 12/08/2026 17:18

Can I just say I'm proud of you. I know that doesn't mean much but read the first post to the last and you will see the difference, even in so short of a time. You're kicking ass!

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