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AIBU?

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He's still fucking HERE!! AIBU?

357 replies

Gingernaut · 03/08/2026 11:25

I apologise in advance. This is a very long post, There is even more back story than this.

I have tried not to drip feed.

I'm 58. The eldest of 3. Very glass half empty

I work at a VERY low level job within the NHS, barely above minimum wage

I live in a shitty part of the world - Two decades ago, I bought a three up, three down, mid terraced house, in the hope that, with family help and a loan I could do it up

My family sickened, my life turned to crap, the loan became a complete millstone and I've been unable to do the house up due to lack of funds or sell because the house's current value won't let me buy another place

I have ADHD AND dyslexia, the cost of education is out of reach and I am unqualified apart from O Level, CSE, GCSE level and a useless HND

I am unlikely to get a better paying job

When our parents died owning property in London, middle brother fucked around and got a deed of variation and second brother and I inherited less than we should have done - I was in a very crappy situation, close to killing myself and at least I got some money

Instead of doing the correct thing, I threw money at this dump, got shilled by cowboy builders who since went bust and I am STILL living in a dump in a crappy, slumlord dominated hellscape

At one point, after paying the mortgage off, I was offered £15k for it by a slumlord and I realise I should have bitten his arm off

I would still have enough money to buy a better place in a nicer area

Still, hindsight...20/20...blah,blah

my only 'savings' are the remnants of my inheritance which I am loath to touch as that is my pension/rainy day fund

Think tens of thousands, not hundreds of thousands of £££ - I cannot afford to lose this, spend it rashly or crack into the bonds/savings accounts without penalties

My only saving grace is that I now no longer pay a mortgage, handy, considering I'm paid so little

Middle brother, got a three bedroomed flat in London out of our parents' estate which has only gone up in value since my dad died

He's divorced with two adult children, one of whom is "in law" - Has a law degree and is advising dad

After the sale of the flat, which somehow took forever, he paid his ex-wife and still had a considerable sum of money to buy a place

He moved in in December 2023

It is now August 2026.

At first, it did look temporary.

He did a few jobs around the house, whilst getting to know the area, looking for houses, all the while moving more and more stuff in

Fixed the bathroom window which leaked when it rained and the wind blew in the wrong direction

Found and fixed an issue with the drainage from the cowboy installed upstairs bathroom, digging out a new drain and fixing it to the sewer line in the process

Laid out a new lower path (which causes me issues with a knee injury), but it's now lower than the damp course

Fitted and charged me for a new, unwanted fence but found an issue which had been causing damp in the upstairs bedroom he is now sleeping in

Painted the back of the house after hiring some scaffolding

He started with the damp issue with the downstairs of the house, but stopped more than two years ago

He got caught up spending more and more time in the garden, weeks, in fact

It now looks lovely, but now has grass which needs cutting - Not slumlord or renter friendly

The ONLY people who might have any interest in buying a mid terrace house between tenanted properties will be a landlord and that back yard will cost somewhere in the region of £5k to £10k to take back to slab/concrete/courtyard

There a 20 square foot patch of bare brick in the corner of my back room, signalling to anyone who visits that there is a massive issue with damp and it's been like this for TWO FUCKING YEARS

He found a place, a mid terraced house, but the vendors had to wait for probate

He refused to look for another place

He kept going and bought this dump, with the sale going through in 2024 - It was structurally unsound, near a school, so has parking issues, has antisocial neighbours, but since then he's been promising me that he's leaving

Three dates in 2025 have gone by and he's STILL here

One of the dates, he started shouting at me that I was being insensitive about the death of a guy who he had never mentioned before and he had to go to London to perform a few DIY tasks for his grieving widow

All the while, the space needed to sort the damp issue, make exploratory holes in the flooring to see the extent has been taken up with his hoard

The front room is filled with his tools, desk and chair, the second bedroom is filled with his stuff as well

I started this low paid job as I needed a break from the shift work which was slowly doing my head in

I took a £1k a month pay cut to have regular hours

I worked on small pieces of salvaged furniture, I have an interest in sewing and embroidery and bought an expensive scanner for all the family photographs which I intended to digitise for the rest of the family

All these plans have been turned to shit

The fabrics and thread are inaccessible due to them being locked away in the spare bedroom - more than likely being eaten with moths

The scanner is up and out of reach, there is nowhere to lay it out to operate it

The front room, where the furniture used to be worked on is now hoarded out with tools

I have removed the dining table in the back room to create space - It's now used for drying laundry

Better yet, I am allergic to a variety of foodstuffs which Middle Brother insists on cooking - My own kitchen is inaccessible to me and he sees nothing wrong with this

I have told him to leave - HE refuses and has taken advice from his son to say this is correct

Sum total of the legal argument is "But he'll be homeless"

He insists that the work he's done has more than paid for his rent AND all bills

Yes, reader, in case you're still here, he has not paid any of the bills aside from three months, when he showed willing, all the while piling more stuff up in the house

He does have a storage unit

I have lost the single person's council tax discount and I am paying increased gas and electric bills

I have taken paid legal advice and been told that as he has done some work to the place he may have a beneficial interest in a house I have owned for decades

I have gone into "petty mode"

I have stripped the gas hob and oven of everything to make them useable - Gas consumption has dropped to the point that some days, the standing charge is higher than the cost of the gas used on a daily basis

He then insisted that the washing machine wasn't rinsing properly and started to do two washes - One for the wash and one for the rinse - of course the electricity went up

I removed the machine drawer - A friend at work is looking after it for me

To me, the storage and laundrette costs are more than the cost saved, but I am petty as fuck

Middle brother has now bought an electric hob and his own microwave

Taking up more fucking space and using more electricity

Matters are not helped by the state of his house

During the early Spring, when family visited from all over, he took us on a "tour" of the house

We could stand in the front room, look up and see the underside of the roof

When I challenged him during one Saturday in July about the state of my finances and when he was moving out he gave me an instruction to wear solid shoes and he would take me over to see the state of the place

Sunday morning he confessed that he has spent months digging a hole and there was so little progress on the house that I would notice

He bought such a fucking garbage patch that a well, you know, a water type well, outside his kitchen door has been leaking and damaging the foundations

He had been digging out the well by hand and performing groundworks outside the house after taking advice

And the foundations need to dry out,

And he has to create a soakaway

And the house cannot be moved into

I am beyond fucking livid

This parasite is leeching off his poorly paid and increasingly disabled sister, forcing her to eat out of packets due to his selfishness in the kitchen and he is on side quest after side quest

Electric bike, well, garden etc

Even in his own house, because he has no front garden, he can't park a skip on the road due to the parking issues around the school - A huge portion of the rubble from the works is in 'cages' around the garden, forming building blocks for walls

He has no bathroom or kitchen and this will remain so for some time

Instead of working on the house today he's got a "van job"

I had to take a day off to let the BG Boiler man do his annual survey, hence this rant

The people at work area aware of my predicament - I have two half joking offers of help to dispose of his corpse should I kill him

We worked out I needed two volunteers, because he has two vehicles. They are both dog owners and know remote spots to dispose of the vehicles and his corpse

We jokingly planned it all out, utterly deadpan

I have been referred to safeguarding on the grounds of financial abuse, their referral upwards failed to progress as there are plenty of others in greater need than me and my case was not considered severe enough

The police were useless - "Well, have you told him to leave?"

My paid legal advisor told me he may have a beneficial interest in the house

A house I have owned and lived in for over two decades

What can I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
WinterBlues26 · 10/08/2026 15:01

Gingernaut · 10/08/2026 12:57

He's gone running to his son

Apparently I've got to do "the right thing" by letting him stay until the end of September

His son can do the right thing and house him until September then. Or pay for an Airbnb for a month.

What was his answer to that?

Millytante · 10/08/2026 15:33

Gingernaut · 10/08/2026 12:57

He's gone running to his son

Apparently I've got to do "the right thing" by letting him stay until the end of September

Stand firm! I think conceding anything further, now that you’ve set the date at the end of August, will somehow cement the present situation for good. Dunno why, but it signals a surrender which will be exploited with great entitlement, and put you on tablets.
He deserves no more negotiation, and you deserve to be rid of this troublesome incubus. You can make it happen with no input from him.

Heronwatcher · 10/08/2026 15:48

Agree, stand firm. How the hell does the son react when you suggest that if he’s so worried/ self-righteous he should either have his dad to stay himself, pay for an airbnb or help him sort the house out? Stand up for yourself- you’ve done your bit, he’s had more than fair warning and now he has to leave.

Heronwatcher · 10/08/2026 15:50

Also wasn’t one of the reasons your brother gave that he couldn’t move out because he was helping the son move house? In which case the son has made things worse- the selfish little shit. He just wants to palm his useless dad off on anyone rather than have to help him himself.

BlueMum16 · 10/08/2026 16:14

What's it got to do with his son?

Stand firm. End of August isn't far away. You've got this.

Gingernaut · 10/08/2026 18:20

Nephew has a law degree and is parrotting whatever brother is telling him

Brother is using any excuse, including his son, to try and bolster his case

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 10/08/2026 18:36

Just because he has a law degree it doesn't mean he knows jack shit about your situation.

Plus I still don't know what it's got to do with grh son. This is between two siblings. One of which is the sons father taking advantage of the sons aunt.

Tell the son he can discuss it when he's housing his father for free otherwise to get lost.

Heronwatcher · 10/08/2026 18:37

Gingernaut · 10/08/2026 18:20

Nephew has a law degree and is parrotting whatever brother is telling him

Brother is using any excuse, including his son, to try and bolster his case

Tell your brother and his nephew that if he keeps on attempting to use his (incorrect) “legal knowledge” in this way you’ll report him to the Solicitors Regulation Authority (formerly the Law Society). He’s either potentially holding himself out as a solicitor/ barrister and giving legal advice when not entitled to practise (if he’s not fully qualified), or probably acting in conflict of interest (if he is). He could potentially get into a lot of trouble if he’s trying to intimidate you.

There’s an online portal to make a complaint!

As others have said he’s also completely incorrect, on what you’ve said he is nowhere near establishing a beneficial interest in the house. And even if he did, he’d have to assert it formally and he still wouldn’t necessarily be entitled to live there rent free, whilst also engaging in a campaign of harassment against you (which is itself a criminal offence).

MaIeficent · 10/08/2026 19:14

In the nicest possible way I'd say that you're massively overthinking this. You've detailed the exhaustive history of your house, an extensive list of DIY stuff your brother's done, your food allergies, your laundry process, etc etc.

Really, the issue is that you want your brother to move out and you feel that despite doing quite a few things to help he's outstayed his welcome. Focus your energy on that rather than writing essays on largely irrelevant stuff.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but I have ADHD too and wasted a decade of what should've been my best years in a job I hated. I used to try and explain all the factors to my parents and close friends in great detail and would be frustrated that they always seemed a bit nonplussed and would say just to change jobs if I wasn't happy.

They were pretty much right. I think the biggest catalyst was going back on the ADHD meds. Within a few months I was actively looking to change jobs. I realised that all my former statements about not being able to afford it were just excuses as I could've easily saved enough over a decade. I used to go over and over it with these long lists of issues and really I just needed to get on with it.

I'm not for a minute suggesting that your situation is exactly the same as mine or that I know all the answers but it's clear from that insanely detailed first post that you're thinking far too deeply about it. Plan what you're going to say and then sit down and tell him he needs to move out. The longer he stays the harder it will be to remove him.

Millytante · 10/08/2026 20:57

Gingernaut · 10/08/2026 18:20

Nephew has a law degree and is parrotting whatever brother is telling him

Brother is using any excuse, including his son, to try and bolster his case

He has NO case. But he will end up with one if you wobble on your decision to shake some damn action by the end of August!
Never mind what he is saying or doing; it’s the action plan for YOU which matters.
Practicalities all need to be notionally sorted in advance, such as the locks, and getting most of his stuff out of the house as you told him.
Be in no doubt that he and this twerp of a son will be counting on you to back-pedal when push comes to shove.

Gingernaut · 10/08/2026 21:13

This is what I'm dealing with

Nephew is simply his dad's parrot

He's still fucking HERE!! AIBU?
OP posts:
JHound · 10/08/2026 21:17

He’s technically a lodger so easy to evict him.

I don’t get how he can get a deed of variation to strip him of his inheritance.

anon2022anon · 10/08/2026 21:28

Stop arguing with him. There's no point.
Legally, what's he going to do, take you to court? Doesn't sound like there's the money to do that.
His solicitor son can sort him somewhere if he needs to.
Make sure you also give a date the house needs to be clear of his belongings, otherwise you will class them as abandoned and dispose of them.

And honestly, get yourself something to look forward to in the diary. You sound like you really need it.

SomethingFun · 10/08/2026 21:39

He can live with his son in the home he has just helped him move into. He isn’t being made homeless he has outstayed your kind welcome. You are being treated like a mug by your own family op and you need to tell them to fuck off. All this energy you’re pouring into this bullshit you could be putting into yourself

WinterBlues26 · 10/08/2026 21:45

"I wouldn't be getting involved with you if this could be sorted otherwise "

You can have him at yours, he only needs a sofa. Expect him 31st August at the latest.

MaIeficent · 10/08/2026 21:47

Gingernaut · 10/08/2026 21:13

This is what I'm dealing with

Nephew is simply his dad's parrot

Well done. Now just stick to it and don't be guilt tripped. If they won't respect your wishes then it's pretty clear that they don't respect you or your boundaries full stop. And tell your nephew to wind his neck in.

It reminds me of the mate I used to drive to work. She did literally work at the company nextdoor but she never once offered me fuel money despite saying at the start she would. She no doubt reasoned that I wasn't going out of my way but in reality it meant I couldn't go anywhere straight from work or make plans before dropping her home.

Eventually, I'd had enough when she started saying "oh, sorry, I've got to stay behind for halfhour" and I was sat waiting in my car knowing I still had a gym session to do. When I finally said it wasn't working for me she tried to guilt trip me about how she'd have to get another job etc, although prior to my chauffeuring her dad had been her taxi.

The point is that there was no recognition of all the help I'd already given at inconvenience to myself. I couldn't be arsed with her anymore so we stopped talking but she was happily slagging me off to mutual friends (who'd never given her a single lift to work themselves).

Got no time for pisstakers anymore. Maybe your brother genuinely plans to move out but he can't really blame you for being sceptical. Why should it be you that has to suck it up for his benefit when it's your house and he's already been there ages!

MaIeficent · 10/08/2026 21:50

His solicitor son can sort him somewhere if he needs to.

Exactly. He has his own place and likely earns a half decent salary.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/08/2026 21:54

Give him a deadline, hopefully he takes it. He may have renter rights so see a solicitor to evict him. It might not be easy.

WiddlinDiddlin · 10/08/2026 21:59

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/08/2026 21:54

Give him a deadline, hopefully he takes it. He may have renter rights so see a solicitor to evict him. It might not be easy.

She has - he hasn't, because he doesn't pay rent. He has zero rights. He is trying to pretend he does and is using his sons legal training to coerce and manipulate the OP.

He has no contract, no rent agreement, no payment of rent forming any sort of a contract.... he is a fucking squatter - in fact, less than, they'd actually have more rights than he does.

He had permission to stay - he no longer has permission to stay - he has to get out.

Gingernaut · 10/08/2026 22:18

Nephew is NOT a solicitor

He has a law degree and has worked in a solicitor's office

He might be knowledgeable, but he is simply his dad's mouthpiece and his only argument is his dad's

"Yeah, but, you're making him homeless"

I've told him to stop, but he 'might' show up on Wednesday.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/08/2026 22:20

Best of luck OP. You’ve been a saint. Make sure he clears all his crap. If he doesn’t, sell them.

Hohumbrumbrum · 10/08/2026 22:29

This is what you get for giving him notice. I'm stretching to undertake why you've let yourself be treated like this, both over the will and now. He's taking advantage every step of the way and you've just laid down and let him walk over you.

There is zero reason why you shouldn't change the locks. If (which he doesn't) he had any small claim on your property then he can take that up with solicitors later.

Given the amount of push back you're getting on this, I'd be tempted to say that you just need the self with quicker and give him until this weekend at the latest. He can get an airbnb, he can get a hotel, he can stay with his son. It's not your problem. At the point you're taking away the draw from the washing machine, family unity is gone anyway, so just get your house back. No delays, no excuses, it's time to stand up for yourself.

Heronwatcher · 10/08/2026 22:29

Why can’t the idiot son house the dad? Or help him buy a caravan or even a nice tent?

Shatenoeuf · 10/08/2026 22:38

Honestly? Find a way to get him out for the day and change the locks. Leave his belongings out front.

Shatenoeuf · 10/08/2026 22:39

Gingernaut · 10/08/2026 22:18

Nephew is NOT a solicitor

He has a law degree and has worked in a solicitor's office

He might be knowledgeable, but he is simply his dad's mouthpiece and his only argument is his dad's

"Yeah, but, you're making him homeless"

I've told him to stop, but he 'might' show up on Wednesday.

Surely law degree son is living somewhere dad can crash. Its not your problem if he is homeless.

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