AIBU to find a self-catering family holiday more stressful than relaxing?

[ProfessionalDaydreamer]

We’re currently away in a self-catering cottage on the south west coast and if I’m honest I’m finding it really stressful.
I feel a bit guilty saying it because we’re lucky to be here and I know we should be enjoying it, but it just hasn’t felt like much of a break.

There are quite a few adults here, plus my 7-year-old DS and 2-year-old DN and I think the combination of lots of people, different routines, noise, decisions about what we’re doing, meals, shopping, and trying to keep everyone happy is getting to me.
It’s also been so busy everywhere due to being the summer holidays too.
It also feels like it’s been one thing after another since we arrived - travel stress, unexpected problems, and now my son being sick today (although thankfully he seems much better now and is acting normally again).
I feel like I’ve been in “problem-solving mode” rather than actually relaxing. Plus all the cleaning and preparing food and no down time.

I love my family and I do appreciate the holiday, but I’m finding myself craving some quiet time and feeling a bit overwhelmed by the constant togetherness.

Does anyone else find self-catering holidays with extended family harder work than they expected? Or am I just being ungrateful and should be enjoying it more?

No, I go away with extended family annually. We don’t really cook though.

We just had a non self catering family visit for 5 days and that was incredibly stressful so YANBU! It can take a lot of head space taking in different routines, ages and expectations. Especially when you are the family with small children.

Edited to add: the constant "togetherness" can be extremely stressful for some reason, even though you all love each other and enjoy each others company.

Self catering can be lovely for a “learning and culture” holiday. I get a lot from those.

But if I’m relaxing, bring on the hotel buffet breakfast. A smiley lady doing omelettes all morning. A station giving my dcs unlimited pancakes and Nutella. Lots of mini pastries, god I love a hotel buffet breakfast.

family holidays always have someone who’s the mum of the whole group and ate the one being the staff and who enable everyone else’s holiday. That’s you this year. Suck it up, book somewhere all inclusive next year.

If there's 'several adults' you don't have to cook more than once or twice though? Aren't you eating out or ordering in some of the time too? A UK holiday with good weather for once is a glorious treat too.

That's why I far prefer to stay in hotels and eat in restaurants so can enjoy not cooking and cleaning.

I very occasionally do self catering with extended family but it only works if we have a rota for cooking, cleaning up etc. There are some extended family members who are vegan, vegetarian etc and it's difficult catering to satisfy everyone so I prefer to eat out.
You sound like you're bearing the burden of organising, rope others in to help.

I agree OP. Fun yes (hopefully), but relaxing no!

Of course it depends on circumstances. I personally think neither self catering holidays nor holidays with extended family is relaxing - together they will be a complete stress. My friend just came back from SF holiday with GPs. She had great time. Her mum and dad were in charge of breakfast and lunch and helped with kids. They were out for dinner.

It’s the holidaying with extended family, not the catering situation that is stressful.

One of my group of friends is always 'nipping to the shop' on group holidays, he goes at least once a day. Pretty certain it's just an opportunity for him to decompress/get some alone time

I find any form of group holiday stressful, and self catering especially so. It's the constant need to communicate several times over with all parties that I find draining. Plus some people will always claim to be "easy" when really they're just absolving themselves from making any of the arrangements or decisions. This is why I don't do group holidays any more.

Didn't someone once say - hell is other people.

I cook nearly every day at home, and make beds etc. For me, a holiday is a break from all of that. I like hotels, preferably with a pool. Or boutique b&bs.

We have done self catering- but didnt self catering, we ate out. Usually a late brunch and just one other meal a day.

We have done holidays with friends and family. Its essential that you don't do shared activities every day. It's essential that you are absent for some of the meal times when you are expected to cook.

Just had a lovely time visiting my sister in Spain.

But you're still staying in someone's house so you have to adapt to the reality of their way of doing things/daily routine.

Holiday with other people sounds awful. I’d rather have fewer holidays but have them catered.

Self-catering - absolutely fine. Actually rather enjoy mooching round a food shop or two to find interesting things to eat for my immediate family

Extended family - that’s where the stress lies.

self catering just me and my son- fine. Extended family - hell on earth. It is the collective decision making and faffing and nagging and what time shall we leave and I’ve taken the bins out and have you packed a drink for him (of course I have, mum, I’ve picked a drink for him every day for his whole fucking life).
never again.

About to say exactly this.

Done loads of self-catering and always found it very relaxing.

This! The only way to truly relax

I have no problem with the self catering aspect, but wouldn’t cope with the large family group.

We always do self catering as DS (ASD)has a v restricted diet. I agree, it's not much of a break though it's nice to be somewhere different.

A big group of people is the difficulty. The last two we've done like that - one with my family just for a couple of nights, we agreed each family would cook for 1 night. On our night I bought the food, cooked and cleared up. On my DSis' night, she said they would do a BBQ. She did get the food in, I'll give her that, but otherwise she and BIL did nothing and left DH and I to actually do the cooking and clearing up. With DH's family , SIL was going to do the meal on the first night we were there. By 7.30pm, when my kids would usually be going to bed, she still hadn't decided what she was going to cook, let alone gone to the shop and started cooking. Her kids, who are older teens, ordered themselves takeaway.

I have said to DH just us going away from now on, I know everyone thinks I'm obsessive and controlling about making plans for shopping and eating so they probably won't want to go with me either - but NOTHING gets done without micromanaging and it's so stressful!

I find the most relaxing holidays are just our family and self-catering. We can do what we want when we want.
I find having to be a place for a meal stresses me out far more than catering.

How is the workload split? Are you effectively doing your usual level of work in a new location whilst others relax?

Make sure there is a fair split.

I much much much prefer self catering, that’s the only holiday I’ll do. But I get that it’s not for everyone.

But a lot of the problems you mention with your current holiday are nothing to do with it being self catering and more to do with either holidays in general, or bigger group holidays specifically - travel stress, your son being sick, decisions about what you’re all doing, different routines.

I suggest "going away with extended family" is stressful, rather than "self catering holidays".

We always self cater and find it very relaxing.
The odd occasion we've gone away with other people ends up being a constant stream of compromises and no-one really relaxing.

We stopped sc holidays many years ago, it is so stressful just for our family and it's certainly not a holiday having to shop, cook and clean. Having to do it for others too is awful, just too many voices and decisions. Can you all maybe have a couple of meals out so that you're not stuck to the cooker and sink and at least you'll be getting your dinner handed to you and no worries who's clearing up and you can relax.

I know people who go on group holidays and in fact never go just as a a couple of family. I don't understand it myself but we're all different.

It would be my worst nightmare. The only people I could stand for more than one night are my DH and (adult) DC.
Add to that self catering where you actually cook and I'd rather stay at home.
Self catering can be great for the communal space compared with hotel rooms but only if you eat out.