AIBU to find a self-catering family holiday more stressful than relaxing?

[ProfessionalDaydreamer]

We’re currently away in a self-catering cottage on the south west coast and if I’m honest I’m finding it really stressful.
I feel a bit guilty saying it because we’re lucky to be here and I know we should be enjoying it, but it just hasn’t felt like much of a break.

There are quite a few adults here, plus my 7-year-old DS and 2-year-old DN and I think the combination of lots of people, different routines, noise, decisions about what we’re doing, meals, shopping, and trying to keep everyone happy is getting to me.
It’s also been so busy everywhere due to being the summer holidays too.
It also feels like it’s been one thing after another since we arrived - travel stress, unexpected problems, and now my son being sick today (although thankfully he seems much better now and is acting normally again).
I feel like I’ve been in “problem-solving mode” rather than actually relaxing. Plus all the cleaning and preparing food and no down time.

I love my family and I do appreciate the holiday, but I’m finding myself craving some quiet time and feeling a bit overwhelmed by the constant togetherness.

Does anyone else find self-catering holidays with extended family harder work than they expected? Or am I just being ungrateful and should be enjoying it more?

Lots of hotel (nice ones) offer self catering on site where you can order breakfast & have it delivered for example. The advantage of self catering for me is having communal space that is still private.

We do cook & prepare food more than usual when going to centre parks but that’s because the restaurants are a bit crap.

But then you haven’t stayed in a nice hotel with lots of stuff at the hotel going on. A gym, spa, kids club, kids activities, evening entertainment, variety of food, etc. who says you need to be confined to a room? A cleaned room at that lol

i Wouldn’t fancy your type of trip of eating cheap meals or ‘knocking’ something together as food is a big part of a holiday. SC exists because clearly there’s a market, but at the same time grand 5* hotels can be amazing too

I eat out at self catering. The only meal we have in is breakfast. No one likes cleaning and cooking for many on holidays surely. Self catering is more space than hotel, and less crowded and noisy than all inclusive. I like the space and quiet.

I can assure you I am not pretending when I say I've stayed in many self-catering properties and don't recognise these rules about turning on the central heating, permitted cupboards etc. I have only ever experienced reasonable and sensible 'rules' like how to deal with recycling, breakages and bin collection days.
'bound rule books' often contain useful info like wi-fi and other passwords, local emergency services, and local takeaway menus. Signs tend to be about fire safety and/or any foibles of the property (I recently stayed in one with a boiling-water tap and there was a little note about exactly how far to turn it and what to do if it 'splurged', which was very welcome!)

@ApplePieCinamonbut some nice hotels offer self catering style lodgings too & you can stay in a self catered place with a swimming pool, gym etc. I think every type of holiday has its place personally.

Hate gym and spa, and my kids are on the autistic spectrum and will never go to the kids club and activites. We never go to the evening entertainment. The only thing I like is a variety of food. I have stayed in Paris Disneyland Hotel club and love the after and dinner buffets. Have also love eating at Las Vegas and Macau hotel buffets. Kids and husband both found the theme parks and cities a bit too noisy for their liking. We all prefer a cottage in a more rural setting.

Maybe you need to understand not everyone wants the activities on offer at these hotels.

If we go to cities, I prefer the self catering apartments like Wilde because of the space.

And surely you can't compare the price of a 5* with self catering.

The fact that you have to keep the bin collection day in mind and need instructions on how to use a broken tap would be enough for me. Self catering cottages should have their own refuse collection service as standard and should fix any “foibles” rather than expecting their guests to deal with them.

I didn't mean there's nothing to do in hotels except be in your room; I don't understand how you get that from my post.
I meant when you ARE in your room, you have only the one room; and (as I've said) they are usually not really furnished for anything other than use as a bedroom. Unless you're someone who can afford to take suites, which sadly I'm not! DP and I like to be able to wander a bit, make a cup of tea not from a silly tiny hotel kettle on a sideboard at the end of the bed or by calling room service, sit out on the terrace etc.
Lovely for you if you don't need to eat cheaply sometimes. I generally do. And anyway, affordability aside, DP and I don't tend to like expensive formal restaurants; we'd rather get a slice of pizza and wander the town/sit on the sea wall.

I don't know why you put ‘knocking’ something together' in sneer quotes. I meant (again, I thought I said this clearly) if you need to e.g. if one or both of you are very tired or temporarily restauranted-out and you want to stay in and eat something basic, or if you just want a quiet evening in to enjoy the house/garden/balcony.
Food is a big part of a holiday for me too, but in my case a lot of the enjoyment is in shopping in local markets and supermarkets and having picnics in beautiful surroundings, trying different food stalls, having a simple dinner and then strolling round a pretty town with a good ice cream etc.

I have been on SC holidays in the UK. They can be stressful if you are not provided with essential equipment in the kitchen.

There was a place we stayed with ONE wine glass for a place that was for 5 people, nothing to cook in - trays, Pyrex etc.
It was when Wilko was still about and bought the stuff and took it home.

We complained

Is the problem actually the other adults?

That's always been my experience. It's easier to tell yourself it's the kids or the cooking, but actually being on holiday with several other adults whose company you are duty bound to enjoy but who are actually stressful and demanding company when you can't get away from them, is far more exhausting than kids and meals.

If it were just the kids you wouldn't have to cook - you could just picnic most days and eat cereal and pizza as a special thing because you're on holiday. Adults have expectations and judge.

I find the people the exhausting bit and always offer to cook or clean the kitchen. That way I get time to myself. I put music on that fancy or just watch shit on my phone while I cook and potter. That way I can be out of the way of the rest of the family and just have my own headspace. It also keeps me out of most of the crap chat that happens. I can avoid the narrow minded view of some of the elderly and more ring wing family members and I don't have to be involved in the debate for what's happening tomorrow etc

I've learnt to never bank on times for leaving to go somewhere either because it always means we leave at least 40mins later than planned.

I just accept that it is what it is and try to enjoy it for my family's sake.

My top coping tips

Look forward to being on your own in the kitchen

Plan easy and fuss free meals - lots of bagged salads and pop it in the oven food. Yes, it can be more expensive but it's easy and you can cook/heat multiple types of foods to cater for everyone. Ie) lasagna for one set or family and a curry for the others.

Pastry's and bagels for breakfast with all the spreads. It just feels super decadent.

Picnics for lunch but we keep it super simple. Some sort of sandwich, apples/bananas whatever fruit doesn't need prep. Some cucumber sticks and baby carrots, multi pack of crisps or mini cheddars and a juice box. Biscuits and pre package cakes for snacks.

Get out for cheap pub and carvery type meals to break it up

Just learn the perfect smile and nod while your favourite show tune plays in your head

I’m sorry but how is this a holiday for you?

You literally have a list of ways to cope and strategies to escape. That’s not a holiday.

We recently went on a big group holiday with close friends and their family in a big shared house- between 11 and 14 people, as people came and went.

It was lovely, we all got on, and it was brilliant as a single mum to be in a house with 4 other single mums (all the kids were 11- adult)- stuff just got sorted! Turns out running a house is a lot easier when there are 4 of you! And pretty much everyone else did their bit, even the teenagers.

However, I think most of our time/ conversation was taken up by sheer logistics. Where are we going today, who's going in which car, who's not coming and doing something else instead, who's doing a side mission and who's going with them, what are we having for dinner, who needs to go to the supermarket, who's leaving today and who's dropping them off at the station etc etc etc.....It was exhausting!

I think it's the company, not the self-catering element that's the problem.

I would find going away with other people stressful wherever we were staying.

It’s a regular thread on Mumsnet -that being on holiday with children/extended family is not really a holiday. I think that’s why All Inclusive is so popular. I don’t fancy AI but I can see why people like it.

You need to get take out, go to pub, eat tapas type things. I don’t think anyone should be catering for extended family on a holiday.

If you are in South West - fish & chips, pasties, cream tea etc would be the answer.

When the DC were young we did s/c as that was all we could afford. We would buy tinned veg /hot dogs/ corned beef etc, so stuff that needed to be heated bit not cooked. We would usually budget for one or two meals out over the holiday but that would be all. Once things were easier financially, we would go on a catered holiday, or if s/c, we'd eat out much more. Last year we went on a s/c holiday with our dcs and their families. If we weren't eating out, the DC's took turns cooking for us. Luckily, the accommodation was big enough that we didn't get under each other 's feet and we had a lovely stress free week. I think it's probably the people you are with who make it stressful, not the food situation.

We use self catering accomodation so you can make a cuppa, and use the fridge, do a fruit/yogurt croissant breakfast, maybe make a sandwich for lunch, have cutlery and somewhere to eat a takeaway, but I don't "cook" on holiday.

This is exactly what I was trying to say, but some people don't seem to find it east to understand!

I think mealtimes are one of the hardest bits, especially dinner. Breakfast can be a pile of pastries or bacon rolls, lunch out but the evening meal is tricky. Some people like to eat bang on 6 pm, Children need feeding early and some people don't eat till 8 pm or 8.30pm. Nightmare.

This. Plus I use it when I go away with my teenagers, because booking multiple hotel rooms when only one member of the party is over 18 is a problem in many places, so you either have to lie or share a room.

Personally I don't want to force my teenage sons to share my room and prefer my own bedroom myself, but also don't especially want to lie that a 15 or 16 year old is 18 (some places have to have the passport for one person from each room on file anyway).

Additionally there's more space in self catering - we hang out together in the living room some of the time, but I wouldn't especially want to hang around in what's essentially a bedroom with my teenagers.

We don't cook beyond maybe a frozen pizza one of the nights, we mostly eat out, but it's good to have breakfast options as everyone gets up at different times.

It's also nice to have a washing machine - doesn't mean I have to use it, but last time the boys put a wash on as they wanted the same t-shirts again and had been changing to go back out in the evening due to being sweaty, so I bunged my favourite dress in too so as to have it to wear again.

It's just much more relaxed and spacious.

I hate self-catering. It’s just the same ‘work’ in a different location.

The only way I’d agree to do it is if we could go out to eat every day.

Sounds like it’s the two things together that aren’t working - self catering plus extended family. Extended family probably works better if you all have rooms in the same hotel, or if you have separate lodges/apartments in a complex so you can escape for a little while.

Self catering when there is just you and a partner or friend can be as relaxing as anything as long as you have the option to eat out if you choose to.

There will always be some stress if you are travelling with young children though.

I quite like it sometimes. I come home with no washing to be done

I enjoy SC hols as our nuclear family of 3 - we’ve taken many, bought nice food that is easy to prepare and cooked with glasses of wine in hand. We’ve not been under pressure to get out of bedrooms for maid service. I can do laundry so don’t need to bring mountains of clothes. We can eat out a lot or relax watching movies or playing board games. We all pitch in though.

I once did SC with extended family. And there is a family holiday house that many gatherings are held at. The chaos of disorganised plans. Someone ate something from the fridge that was vital for the next meal. The same few tend to cook and also clean up while the other same few are “on their holidays”…(we all work, so it’s supposed to be the same break for us all). There is often too much alcohol consumed and rows can happen, especially when some people want to do something but others take literally hours to get moving - but also want to do the “thing”.

So I try not to do extended family SC anymore. And if I must, I am clearer that my body clock sees me up in the early mornings and not looking for breakfast at 2pm - and reminding myself before I go that my internal mantra is a Frozen song…”Let it go”. And I’ve also been clearer in recent years that I will have independent transport and will go out to do “the thing” when I am ready and not wait for others to decide to get moving (or that I’ll start my journey home in late morning (11i-12ish), which may be “before breakfast”, and not getting started at 3pm or later and hitting heavy traffic and getting home too late for dinner or to buy milk on arrival back home…as I’m usually needing to get organised for my normal early start to work the following day again.