AIBU to find a self-catering family holiday more stressful than relaxing?

[ProfessionalDaydreamer]

We’re currently away in a self-catering cottage on the south west coast and if I’m honest I’m finding it really stressful.
I feel a bit guilty saying it because we’re lucky to be here and I know we should be enjoying it, but it just hasn’t felt like much of a break.

There are quite a few adults here, plus my 7-year-old DS and 2-year-old DN and I think the combination of lots of people, different routines, noise, decisions about what we’re doing, meals, shopping, and trying to keep everyone happy is getting to me.
It’s also been so busy everywhere due to being the summer holidays too.
It also feels like it’s been one thing after another since we arrived - travel stress, unexpected problems, and now my son being sick today (although thankfully he seems much better now and is acting normally again).
I feel like I’ve been in “problem-solving mode” rather than actually relaxing. Plus all the cleaning and preparing food and no down time.

I love my family and I do appreciate the holiday, but I’m finding myself craving some quiet time and feeling a bit overwhelmed by the constant togetherness.

Does anyone else find self-catering holidays with extended family harder work than they expected? Or am I just being ungrateful and should be enjoying it more?

I'm with you, it's same shit different location. It's too much like hard work. I like to go to hotels, where everything is done for us, cooking, cleaning etc.

There's several adults but you're doing most of the work? There's your problem.

Each family needs separate accommodation. The only stressful self catering holiday we had was when we were in the same house as family. I never cooked - pizza, jacket potatoes, burgers, a meze of salads. I have a shopping list for self catering holidays that has remained unchanged for several years.

Self-catering is fine if you go out for every meal.

If you’re actually eating your meals at home though… I agree, it’s a busman’s holiday.

I absolutely loathe it, the cleaning, the planning, the endless time spent doing tasks when I could be relaxing.

I always point out to my DH that if I were at work, I’d be doing significantly less domestic work as I am not expected to provide and wash up after three meals a day, probably fill and empty a dishwasher, during a normal weekday…

I have small kids so I think that probably influences it - I’m already overburdened with care tasks, i don’t need to be filling my limited annual holiday time with extra cooking and cleaning.

Yes, when we do self catering holidays it's useful to be able to have breakfast there without getting ready and going out, but for our other meals we eat out or at least get a takeaway delivered. Say you'd like a rota for clearing up, loading the dishwasher etc so it isn't always you.

This.

Although if there are multiple adults and only one kitchen, I can see how even a fair split may be stressful if people are wanting to make different things. The ideal in that situation would be everyone having the same and a fair split so nobody is lumbered with all/most food prep.

Yeah, id rather stay at home.

If there are quite a few adults, and you only have a 7yo, then you are presumably doing more than your fair share - if everything was more even would it feel like more of a break?

Self catering can be hugely relaxing but can see how it’s tough in a group!

Self catering was magic this year with a toddler - stocked up on breakfast and lunch bits so he could eat whenever he wanted without having to go to a hotel restaurant every time at set hours, alternated at night between restaurants / pizza on beach or fed DS some pasta then we ate later when he crashed in pram.

We have done SC as a bigger family group but only for long weekends and we tend to take a couple of big catering sized lasagnes etc or do bbq to save anyone having to faff a bit too much.

Personally i prefer self catering but I am selective who I travel with as I like to have a bit of a loose plan - whose cooking what, when etc so I find it too stressful travelling with 'go with the flow' people who in my experience always seem to be the ones not pulling their weight.

Is there a loose meal / chore schedule and if not could you suggest one to give you some downtime when you know its not your turn?

I think it can work if you all have the same ethos about holidays. If you’re happy to do things separately rather than expecting everyone to agree on every activity. If you’re an early riser you need to be capable of getting your own breakfast and doing something quietly rather than shouting at the bottom of the stairs at 08.00 about the best part of the day being gone. Meals should be something you can bang in the oven like a big lasagna because god knows holiday cottages are likely to have a mish mash of not very good cookware. I think there should be some relaxing about meal times if other people are cooking ( within reason ) not noisy passive aggressive banging of pots and pan at 17.00 because someone hasn’t started dinner yet.

We've done self catering holidays but only ever at locations near a lot of pubs and restaurants I've never cooked on holiday

Difficulty there is that the kids may very well need feeding at particular times. With adults or older ones who could manage with a snack I'd agree let the chef start dinner when they like, but laissez faire mealtimes and younger DC aren't always a good combination.

At breakfast you could say tonight we will have a buffet and the adults need to sort food for themselves and something to share so that can cover the different requests. Then ask each group to sort the next evening meals. It would have been best to sort this out before the holiday. One meal could be a takeaway so that any requirements are met.

Yes that’s why I said within reason. The circumstances I describe are my own DM passively aggressively starting dinner at 17.00 because I hadn’t started cooking for my own child ( who was ok eating at 19.00)

We SC with massive extended family every one-two years or so, and we organise into teams, taking a night each. The fema for that night shops, cooks, serves and cleans up afterwards, meaning everyone know when they're on duty and when they can relax and let it all happen without feeling guilty. Dividing up tasks "within team" is another matter 😁 but at least it gives a framework! It usually works incredibly well tbh.

For breakfasts and lunches it's a self-service situation, with everyone having been allocated something to bring/shop for, e.g. cereals, cold meats, cheeses, bread etc.

It's not perfect but it's the easiest way to do it for us.

When I'm on a smaller SC holiday we keep expectations very low - we eat a lot of summer salads, bruschetta, very simple fridge tarts etc. often some barbecuing but low-key style.

Small children will often need to eat much earlier than adults though, do that can complicate things. Generally as long as everyone pulls their weight one way or another, I'm not bothered - the only thing that would tip me over the edge is either the odd person who does fuck all or people working hard to create lovely meals and parents saying (as it's being served), oh my 2-yr old won't eat that I'm afraid...

Self catering - same shit, different kitchen

Yeah I agree with that part. But what I mean is, it's not necessarily unreasonable for an adult who isn't used to being around DC to not get it about mealtimes either. Or even to intend to put a meal on the table at X time but get waylaid a bit. So it's one of those situations where maybe nobody is in the wrong but it still ends up stressy.

We did it one Christmas in south wales. Beautiful house and fantastic memories, I would do it again but DH said I have rose tinted specs. You’re right in that it didn’t feel like much of a break because you still have to do a lot of cooking, cleaning, laundry etc so nothing like going abroad and doing nothing of the sort! The house we stayed in also had an aga, neither of us had used one before and perhaps just had no idea what we were doing but it took hours to cook anything. The Xmas dinner took 10 hours.

It can be really good fun, but everyone needs a job. On big extended holidays I’m happy to be the shopper as it gives me an hour or 2 to myself. Also I don’t mind cooking breakfast as that’s just buns and a big pile of bacon. Or scrambled eggs.

is there someone who’d like to look after the kids for a bit? We’ve done the take the young nieces and nephews thing where we’ve taken them somewhere kid friendly while their mum and dad relax.

card games and just naffing are ok too.

For me, self catering holidays are not holidays. They are a break away from home but I’m still doing the same tasks (food shopping, meal prep, cooking, dishwasher, sorting kitchen).

A holiday is when I have a break from work and core household tasks. So a hotel or self catering but with lots of meals out.

If I’m still managing the kitchen, then I’m not on holiday but everyone else is. Stuff that!

I have never understood the appeal of a self catering/AirBnB holiday. Do everything you have to do at home on your holiday? Nope. And all these cottages seem to have a thousand rules about what you can/can’t do, not to mention paying a cleaning fee and still stripping the bed?! And usually lumpy mattresses, rickety furniture and one teaspoon shared between 5 people? No thank you.

Give me a nice hotel with all the amenities, and hotels make group holidays more relaxing as well as you each have your own room to go back to to decompress.

I’m the same as you OP on that I need my space!

We use to camp en masse at a caravan park. All had separate tents but all adjacent and had a communal area in the middle.

It did mean you could have your own space but also meant others could encroach it too easily!

we all did our own thing essentially but would do group things - it was more a “at 10am we are heading to X for anyone that wants to come”

Can journey yourself off to a coffee shop with a good book for a few hours?

Or feel sick and wonder if you’ve caught it from ds and go and read in your room for a bit - you wouldn’t want to risk making anyone else ill 😉

we self cater but we don’t really cook. We have a camping stove for bacon, sausage, egg rolls but other than that we buy stuff for lunch that doesn’t need preparing or cooking (baguette and filling, crisps and fruit) and buy dinner even if it’s just chippy tea.

My rule for a holiday is that I’m not doing anything that equals “same shit different sight”

We've just been away with extended family for a self catering holiday and I have decided no more self catering holidays and I will only stay somewhere that I can walk to the centre of (we were remote with unsafe roads for walking)

The holiday with the family was fine, it was the cooking bit I got fed up of and not having anywhere to go for a wander when I needed some space.

All inclusive really is the way forward for me, a hotel with a pool, sunshine, drinks and snacks whenever we want them..it's a win win situation.

Second best is self catering but eating out for lunch/dinner every day.

If my husband shared the cooking or even the planning of what we are going to eat it might not be so bad but its always me so I never get a break from it if we go proper self catering.