To not want to give my DSD the money we would have spent on her holiday

[ZestLemon]

We're a family of five: myself, my husband, our two children (12 & 14), and my stepdaughter, who is 18.

My stepdaughter lives with her mum full time and is very much in independent 'mode' now, so rather than following a set routine she comes over whenever she wants.

We're booked to go to Disney World in Florida next year with our two children doe 3 weeks, we are doing all the big attractions such as universal too. We invited my stepdaughter to come too, but she has said Disney isn't really her thing and she didn't think she'd enjoy it. Fine, not a problem!

However, her mum has now had the cheek texted saying that because my stepdaughter isn't coming, we should give DSD the equivalent amount of money that we would have spent on her so she can go on holiday with her friends instead.....

AIBU, or is she mad?!? We have said no but she is now texting all sorts of abuse.

The Disney trip is costing us over 10k and we are only doing a cheap trip this year to save for it.
Yes, we have spent less because she's chosen not to come, but that was entirely her decision.

You are just making stuff up. Try and stay on topic.

Lucky he is not your husband then.

I think posters think you shouldn’t even have gone to KFC given that your step daughter is going to uni 🤣🤦‍♀️

This was totally normal for me, if I didn't go on the family holiday I got the cash instead - summer and skiing.

Oh yes, those double !! have got me in lots of trouble.

I also note that the OP doesn’t want the Dad to spend time on holiday with his daughter alone without taking his other children, even though they get both parents most of the time. This is something her step daughter will never get.

No, you mentioned that DSD should get a trip with him because I am taking our kids away. The equivalent would be DSD mum taking DSD away.
DSD doesn't deserve a trip with her dad because I am taking our kids away.

He is welcome to take any of the kids away at any point but not just because I am taking our kids away.

this poster is just projecting, my guess is they got left by a useless man who created a second family and forgot about them. Or her dad left her.

Some of the posters here are disgraceful, just making up nonsense to suit their own agenda of men hating and 2nd family hating.

Thread was about inviting your step daughter on holiday, and her declining but asking for the money…nothing to do with uni, or abandoning her, but people cannot understand at all. Bizarre

I took your !! to be the excitement of no longer dealing with DSD’s DM, since it was the direct answer to someone asking when it was over so that you’d be free of her…nothing to do with the DSD at all

I know!
I bought one child a pack of oeros today as she asked for some.
I better tell her to go and split the packet into 3 and save her DSD share to make it fair.😂

Agree.
Unfortunately these women aren't ashamed of their slimy husbands.
They also “100% know” that they will never become ex-wives apparently😀

Exactly.
Anything that doesn't tie us all together is a bloody bonus.

I've honestly never heard of this happening (until this thread). Perhaps in better off families?

The one time i refused to go on holiday with my parents, I looked after the house while they were away. I had my holiday on another date and paid for it myself.

I have heard of working class parents giving their adult children a bit of spending money, but I can't recall hearing of any who paid for their holiday.

Not making anything up - just reading your posts.

You clearly don't like this girl. You are delighted he is no longer paying CMS. You're quite happy that she will have to get by on student loans. You resent the idea that he should have any time on her own with her father.

No spending time alone with her Dad is a make up for not having both parents together. Your kids get this and she doesn’t. You didn’t reply when I asked how much alone time does she get with her Dad.

Same here, I didn’t go when I turned 18 but my mum and dad still travelled with my sister…I didn’t question it.

I don’t understand the hate that OP is getting

Who hurt you?

Point of order, if that was a dig at me.

My husband left his first wife after he found out that she'd spent the night with a work colleague. His children were adults living away from home at the time.

And yes, I one hundred per cent know that I'm his second and last wife.

My dd went away with her friend after A levels. She’d saved up from her pt job but I did give her some spends, her friend’s mum did exactly the same.
I’m not saying it’s got to be to the penny but if he’s routinely paying for food, activities treats for the other two that live with him full time it’s not equitable if he isn’t isn’t spending any money on her because she’s left college last month.
I’d be thinking child 2 and 3 have been out to cinema and kfc this week when eldest 1st child comes over at weekend I’ll give her £20 and say get yourself a little treat. Is it exact to the penny, no but all 3 are his children.

I suppose it depends on income. I paid for a month's interailing and spending money at that stage for my son. I've paid for my son and girlfriends to go on holiday with me.

We're probably fairly well off but on the other hand, I've never spent £10,000 on a holiday. Seems very mean to me not to pay or contribute to a holiday at this life stage.

I am not 'making up for' anything I didn't cause or create. Both her parents can get the blame for that and my kids wont miss out because of 2 adults choices before they were born.

again, because its not relevant.

We sometimes do the same. Last year my adult dd came on holiday with us, ds couldn’t get time off work so he agreed to stay in our house with our pet for 2 weeks. He did not expect anything but we paid for flights and hotel so that he could go on a holiday with his gf. He was of course more than grateful, because it is not something they could have done otherwise even though they both work hard.

We paid for our children to go on holiday with their friends until they had left university and were working full time. It seems quite normal amongst our friends.

Nobody. I'm neither a First wife nor a step child and happily married to the man I met in 1984.

These step children threads however horrify me. As I said earlier MN threads can be awesome in their kindness, wisdom and generosity of spirit or they can be like this.

Honestly, some posters here would have an argument in an empty room! Sending the money is a nonsensical idea, but have you spoken to her to make sure she absolutely doesn't want to go? I feel like she might regret the decision on the future.

Holidays - at least those involving air travel and non-budget hotels - are often so expensive these days, particularly in certain parts of the world.

I had a wedding to attend in Eastern Europe last year and combined it with a visit to family members. I could have stayed with family, but residence permit rules means that it easier to stay in hotels when you've organised something at the last minute. (I had to wait for the all clear from a scan before I could book.)

It cost me the best part of 2K for 10 days. £10k is a lot of money, but I can see that it could cost that for a family holiday.

Yes agree with you. 1984 for me too.

This is a weird thread - some posters seem to be projecting massively.

OP hasn’t said they won’t be supporting the DSD through uni - she’s said she’s available for full loans because of her mother’s income. Like many uni students she’s going to get a part time job.

But all of that is irrelevant to the OP’s post.