To not want to give my DSD the money we would have spent on her holiday

[ZestLemon]

We're a family of five: myself, my husband, our two children (12 & 14), and my stepdaughter, who is 18.

My stepdaughter lives with her mum full time and is very much in independent 'mode' now, so rather than following a set routine she comes over whenever she wants.

We're booked to go to Disney World in Florida next year with our two children doe 3 weeks, we are doing all the big attractions such as universal too. We invited my stepdaughter to come too, but she has said Disney isn't really her thing and she didn't think she'd enjoy it. Fine, not a problem!

However, her mum has now had the cheek texted saying that because my stepdaughter isn't coming, we should give DSD the equivalent amount of money that we would have spent on her so she can go on holiday with her friends instead.....

AIBU, or is she mad?!? We have said no but she is now texting all sorts of abuse.

The Disney trip is costing us over 10k and we are only doing a cheap trip this year to save for it.
Yes, we have spent less because she's chosen not to come, but that was entirely her decision.

Absolutely do not give her any money or book a different holiday! Also Disney universal etc are aimed at all ages, there would be LOADS she could go on/be interested in. There is no age limit for Disney, I want to go again and I’m 45!

I think there is more at play here from her mums perspective that you don’t know about. Go and enjoy the holiday, her loss!

Exactly. He is welcome to take any of the kids away, including DSD.
Just like I am taking our kids away.

Its not on me to suggest and arrange it though.

Lucky they are not invited then.

It is morally decent thing to do for a father who can afford multiple 10K holidays with his second family

Disney isn't just for kids.

As I said previously, many 18 year olds and adults would disagree with you.

OP has already said they will plan a trip to where DSD wants to go next time.

What do you want OP to do, not take her dc to Disney until DSD is married?

loads of adults love Disney. Loads even get married at Disney.

You and a few others are just out to attack OP!!

but if she doesn’t fancy it then that’s her choice. OP is respecting that. But you don’t go and ask for the money!

do you fancy coming out for dinner, my treat.
Oh no thanks but can I have my approx share in the dinner cost please so I can go to dinner with my friends.

the mum is just being ridiculous. If my parents offered for me to go away with them and I declined (which I would) - I’m not going to ask for the equivalent money am I.

I would think the least they could do is make a contribution to a holiday with friends for her. They are saving a bomb by not taking her. OP said that would have to get an extra room if she came.
Her Dad should also offer to take her away on his own, just like the OP is doing with her children.

I voted earlier - YANBU, and read the replies at that point.
I've just read through the OPs posts, in which she mainly seems to be defending herself.
The poll results are overwhelming in the OPs favour.

I've got 2 young adult children.
I offered a safari holiday the summer they finished alevels and uni respectively. Elder wasn't interested so after making sure they REALLY didn't want to come I went with younger, it didn't cross my mind to offer elder a cash alternative.

They have been away with their dad, step mum & her extended family every summer for years, more recently one or the other hasn't gone for various reasons, I would be somewhat ashamed of them if I found out they had asked their dad for the cash instead.

OP has said she is happy for her DH to take DSD away on his own.

And most people upthread have said they wouldn't give their own grown up kids money if they didn't want to come on the family holiday. Why is it different for step-kids?

Talking about the mum being blocked, not the DSD.

Good god, the First Wives Club are out in force on this thread!

How pathetic.

I strongly disagree that I am classed as loaded. A weeks AI holiday to spain/Greece for a family of 4 in school holidays could be 5k easily

I thought approx 10k was a bargain for what I have booked.

Our holiday this year is a cheap break to rome next month, just me and the kids!

Yanbu.When I turned 18 my mum and dad stopped paying for me to go on holiday so I got a job and went with friends.

Who is to say I am not paying for most of it?

It is fascinating to watch how sure the Second Wives club members are that they & their children will never be moved into the Second Ex-Wives club

Ah mine doesn’t go that often sadly, but we live in a seaside town so I’m thinking that could sort of count. In a way.
💰💰💰

Op would it be so hard to simply give her some cash so she can enjoy her summer holiday

This is how I see it.

Where does it end, I bought my kids a bag of sweets each from the village shop last night... shall I transfer DSD £1.50 to make it fair?😅

ZestLemon · Yesterday 19:14
Uni isnt included as full time education for CMS purposes.

This reminds me of my cousin's rude, and very unlikeable husband that all of us in the family cant stand. My uncle offered to.pay for my cousin's wedding to him. He and my cousin then decided not to do part of the wedding, and this man then arranged a day to visit my uncle with my cousin and they sat down and said " oh, John, we wanted to come round to discuss something. Now we're not having bla bla bla as part of the wedding ....can we have the spare £10,000 to update part of the kitchen instead".

My sil is like that.

If my mil picks up something for my children it’s always where’s something for her children. Even if it’s a box of cereal she knows is one of theirs favourite and not in most shops.

We have more children so if the in-laws give them a fiver each hers should get £7.50 each 🤣🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

It’s a bonkers way to live.

It is a bargain. Where are you staying?

Well she isn’t her father’s step kid.

Hang on, why should just DSD get a trip with her dad? how about our kids... don't they deserve a 1:1 trip with him too? So why should DSD get cash and a trip.

He is welcome to take any of the kids away but DSD doesn't deserve it more then our kids.

Me taking my kids away is the equivalent of DSD mum taking her away.