DH and I have 2 DC, my daughter is 7, my son is 3. My husband works from 9-5, he doesn't work too far so he usually leaves the house at 8:45am and he gets home at around 5:15pm. I am a SAHM, my kids are also home educated so I am teaching them all day, I know it's the summer holidays but we home educate year round (Meaning we take breaks when we want to take breaks instead of having to follow a strict schedule). So I'm still home educating my kids even during the summer holidays.
Me and my husband have always had the mindset that we both work, he just gets paid to do his job. And we've both agreed that from 9-5 he works and does his job, I stay home and look after the kids, then from 5-9 we tag team parenting. He doesn't get to relax after work because I am also not relaxing after 5pm, once our kids are asleep at 9pm me and my husband relax. And also in the mornings, we are equal parents before he goes to work, he makes breakfast every day and we all clean up after breakfast.
So this means my husband and I take turns cooking dinner. One night he cooks, the next night I cook. Everybody in the house helps clean up after dinner. My husband washes his own clothes. We both equally parent the kids. We both hanle the bed time routine. Everybody in the house gives the house a quick tidy before the kids go to bed. My husband also equally carries the mental load of parenthood the second he walks through the front door. On Sundays we properly clean the house, like we hoover, mop, etc.
He has never had an issue with this, because he is parent too and this is his house too. However, I was speaking to another mum yesterday at the park. We were having a nice chat and she mentioned her husband, she said that it's crazy how many modern men cook and clean. To keep the conversation going I mentioned that my husband cooks and cleans, as I thought that when she said "crazy" I thought she meant that as disbelief but in a good way. Oh I was wrong. She then said that she could never imagine her husband cooking and cleaning because it's so amazing he provides for them and that she thinks the new "trend" of men having to still work after work is silly because providing for the family should be good enough. Basically she thinks it's ridiculous when a man is expected to cook and clean and parent when he has already worked for hours during the day. I did just laugh it off and try to make a joke out of the situation and I said "Yeah my poor husband"
But now I've spent all night wondering if I truly am being unreasonable. Expecting him to cook, clean and be an equal parent after he has spent all day working and providing for our family. I don't know, maybe those ladies words are just stuck in my head.