Do you believe in this often said term?

[Kate879]

I’ve had some bad news this week re. my job security and I know people are trying to be helpful but “everything happens for a reason” isn’t a consolation at the moment.

Do you believe that to be true?

I'm not sure I do, but I do look back on shit times of my life and try to find comfort in what's happened after. Try to find reasons why it happened and what good things came from it. I don't think saying to someone going through a shit time that everything happens for a reason is helpful in the slightest.

I don't think it always true but the two worst things that ever happened to me (at the time) did turn out to have unexpected advantages, so much so that looking back I wouldn't change them even though they were horrific when they happened. I couldn't have known that at the time so no doubt hearing 'everything happens for a reason' wouldn't have helped and may well have upset/annoyed me though!

‘Everything happens for a reason’ I buy into only from a cause and effect (there is a reason your job is insecure)…it’s not something that is predicting something that will happen as a result.

Well, I can’t vote as not sure which is which.

I do believe everything happens for a reason. A reason can be anything, no idea why people think this refers to a great plan by some deity or the fates. The reason can even be because you fell pregnant and your boss is a misogynist, you lost your job. Sometimes the reason can be your own self…ie because I braked for a suicidal squirrel I crashed my car.

So yes, everything happens for a reason.

But, I agree with you it’s not consolation. It’s more a statement of the obvious. We all know things happen for a reason and we are always second guessing where things went sideways and why.

Maybe the expression is meant to be more of gesture of I get you, shit happens, we’ve all been there but you’ll get through it.

For me it's one where if I'm with a friend going through something awful and they say it then that's fine, if thinking about it that way helps then I'm perfectly happy to go along with it. I'd never ever say it first though.

I don't ike that one at all - it's no comfort if for example you want children but can:t have them .

No

but it can help to stay positive and know hat some positive things will happen only because of the shit you are into now.

You can't really go through life thinking you are doomed and unlucky

Absolutely fucking not and I hate it when people say shit like that, I can think of some god awful things that have happened and are happening in the world that I can very much guarantee have not happened for a reason. Some things are just shit and that’s all that needs to be said

Its one of those platitudes that people say when they dont really know what to say. For me its a non religious version of 'god has a plan for you' which i also dont buy into! I prefer 'you are where you are supposed to be at this moment' which i take to mean, I can take a lesson, learn or come back stronger from that moment, as opposed to it being about 'fate' which i dont believe in

I absolutely believe it due to things that have happened to me

Not everything, but I do believe some things happen for a reason. When something bad happens that I have no control over I think to myself, it is what it is. What's the sentence from the serenity prayer? Accept the things you can't change. These both help me.

Why and how do you believe it’s true. Is it true for everything or just some things?

Things happen to everyone. It doesn’t mean it was through a pre-written script.

Yeah I believe everything happens for a reason, not just some things.

As to ‘why and how’, it’s just a personal choice. The thing is, nobody knows how the universe works, you can believe in anything you want, whether that’s cosmic contingency, monotheism, pantheism, or simulation theory, and nobody can say for sure that you’re wrong or right. So why wouldn’t you choose to believe in something that makes you happy?

Like I say though I never say “everything happens for a reason” to people who need comforting. There is a time and a place to discuss the merits of epistemic humility and epistemic autonomy, and someone telling you they’re going through a tough time is not it.

My experience also and a massive reason why I hate this expression

I don’t believe it at all. I do believe that just because something bad happens to you, it doesn’t mean your life is over and you can still experience joy and good things. Some of these things may even be better than you had before, but that doesn’t mean they are “the reason” for the bad thing happening. Sometimes things can just be shit.

I don't think I have said it to others in a situation like yours but I do believe it when looking at events in my own life.

No, not in a woo sense and it's an annoying thing to say.

However I do think that people are resilient and that this sort of crisis can be the spur that leads to something even better, so that you then look back and think "ah if I hadn't been made redundant from Bloggs & Co I wouldn't now be chief exec of IBM". But it's not fate, it's human resilience, resourcefulness and effort.

it's just a few words people offer as a way to support and help. just like "you only regret the things you don't do etc ".

obviously not a universal truth

I believe in shit happens and then you try and get on with it and in most cases people do.

No and it’s like people who believe in karma, if true why do bad things happen to good people and why do bad people get everything

Fair enough, it’s your right to believe in what you want. I’m firmly opposite your belief but at least you have the emotional intelligence not to say it at inappropriate times, unlike some.

And why do bad people have this ability to live longer than good people. That really makes me mad!

No and it can actually be offensive. There's no higher order arranging every little thing.

The young child killed in an accident didn't not "happen for a reason," or x person losing both parents in one year for example. My house getting robbed of family heirlooms, or so and so getting raped. Offensive! Sorry for the rant but I hate this.

Things do not happen for a reason. Things just happen.