Do you believe in this often said term?

[Kate879]

I’ve had some bad news this week re. my job security and I know people are trying to be helpful but “everything happens for a reason” isn’t a consolation at the moment.

Do you believe that to be true?

My dad always used to say 'When one door closes, another one opens'. Always cheers me up. Was a great bloke (Terrible cabinet maker though).

Well I believe it in as much as the 'reason' being that sometimes life is just shit.

No, But the twee phrase that has got me through some tough times is “ Everything will be ok in the end, and if it’s not OK, it’s not the end”.

No it's a very silly ( and sometimes thoughtless) phrase that I can't stand!

No. Could be worse though - someone once tried to reassure me with 'It's God's will.' All that made me think was: 'If that's His will, He's a cunt.'

No, absolutely not.

I’d love all those who agree with it explain to the rest us what the reason is that babies die and children get cancer etc

I bet they wouldn’t say it to the face of a grieving parent.

It’s a really shitty saying.

Really awful things happen to people but it certainly isn’t due to fate or destiny and the only reason people have to go through awful times is because that just the way the world works.

No, it's just what people say to try and make sense of bad situations.

You can always come up with a "reason" once time passes and things transpire, but you can never know for sure whether things going differently in the past would have made things better or worse for you in the long term.

For example, you lose your job and buy a scratch card and win £20,000 on the way home - you wouldn't have left that early if you hadn't been sacked, so wouldn't have bought that particular card.. so is that why you got sacked? Did the universe know?

But you would never know if, had you NOT been sacked, you would have been offered a huge promotion from a competitor who noticed you at a work event, which would bring more money in the long term.

So a "good thing" doesn't mean "better things" couldn't have happened if things had gone differently.

Everything is just temporary the only thing thats guaranteed is death.

I don’t believe in fate. But I do think opportunity comes in many different forms, and bad news like yours can ultimately end up being an opportunity eg if it comes with a big payout, or maybe it gives you the impetus to do something different with your work life.

Fate is passive - I prefer to be an active participant in whatever happens next.

this

No.

Some of the reasons are fucking horrible.

Not at all

I prefer to think that there are many routes to happiness/success, and one not working out doesn't mean there aren't other options. You just need to work out what they are and follow another one.

When our DS was ill our vicar was really supportive. She said at one point, that she was not one of those church people who say 'God's will' or 'It's a test of your faith' and that she believed 'shit happens but support through friendship, fellowship and prayer helps and good friends offer practical help with compassion'

So no, neither I nor the vicar agree

Worse still is when someone says "it'll be ok" when they have absolutely nothing to base this on. It might actually be really awful and stupid platitudes aren't going to help.

"Shit happens" is less flowery but lands much better. To say everything happens for a reason simply isn't true.

No

The oft used MN phrase from years ago (haven’t seen it for a while) was “This too shall pass”.

Now that I agree with. So I find it more comforting than something that is more optimistic but I simply don’t believe.

No. I’d find it intensely irritating and patronising. It’s similar to ‘what’s meant to be will be’ or ‘the universe has a plan for you’.

Meaningless drivel spouted by the stupid.

No I don’t. I also don’t believe what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger- it often makes us weaker!

I hate them all! They're just meaningless platitudes. EHFAR is so insensitive, What's for you.... is depressing. There are plenty of people in this country with sweet FA. Everything has passed and will continue to pass them. There is literally nothing for them. The universe does not have a plan for you. How on earth can it? And when one door closes, another one slams shut in your face!

A simple 'I'm sorry to hear that, I hope things improve ' will do just fine.

It's not true at all.

We don't live in a deterministic universe. There's no plan, no power watching over us.

It’s patent nonsense, OP. But try to keep calm. If you lose your job, you will figure something else out.

Not at all. I understand though that people are wanting to say something positive and think this is it. What they that mean I think is that things will turn out well even though you are struggling right now.

No and I think it’s a pointless, empty thing to say. Better to say “hopefully something much better is around the corner” or something.

Edited to add, it’s ok to say further down the line when the person is back on their feet- now I’m happily married to my husband I would happily say it about the horrible break up that I went through with my ex. If I was still with him I wouldn’t have ended up with someone better…

I don’t think that things happen for a reason

I do think that many people manage to turn a really bad situation into something that is long term positive - they use the chance to change and reflect and end up - through their own efforts with luck on their side - in a better place