AIBU to expect my mum to cancel her gym session to look after my kids?

[Mkxxx]

For context: I (34F) have two boys (3 and 11m). I have help from my mum once a week on a Tuesday. 8am-5pm she’s at my house. All the other days I get no help and no help from my MIL either. I have managed my maternity pretty much on my own with my husband in the office 5 days a week. It has been hard with a baby and a toddler. My son only recently turned 3. Anyway I never bug my mum to come outside of a Tuesday because honestly it’s just hard work and not worth it. However right now I’m very ill. She knows I’ve been unwell too. I don’t ask anyone to help me unless I’m desperate. So I asked my mum last night to come today. She said she can’t come until the afternoon when most the day has gone because she has the gym. I asked if she could miss it this once since I never ask like this and she said no. Now im feeling so much anger because the lack in inflexibility shocks me. If my child had asked me for help I would go! Also she doesn’t work and retired to ‘look after her grandchildren’. So am I wrong for feeling annoyed and upset?

Sorry, are you back at work and your mum provides childcare once a week? If not, that's highly unusual to have someone spend a full working day per week 'helping'?

If you're unwell your first port of call should be your husband. Sometimes people have to take days off work for things like this (usually called domestic leave or something similar).

I’m sorry you’re ill OP but you are being unreasonable. I had 4 children, no husband or partner, no family living close, you just have to get on with it.

And if you really can’t, it’s for your husband to step up- it’s both of you that decided to have children!

The only time I ever got any help was when I was so ill I had to go to hospital in an ambulance when my youngest was 4 months old. My friend helped me because it was a genuine emergency.

You are SO lucky to have one day a week “help”.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. There are some really miserable people on this thread. I hope you get better soon

Updates have now loaded and all is clear - sorry. Absolute cheeky fuckery. And no, not everyone would get the help if they could because some people are adults!

Why are we miserable if we think that the children’s father should step up?

It’s wonderful if family willingly offer childcare. But your partner should be the one stepping up here, not your mum who already gives you 9 hours of childcare a week.

Unfortunately that is parenthood! Your mum already helps out a lot doing a full day once a week - that’s a huge commitment and you sound quite ungrateful! Where is their dad in all this - he should be stepping up to help?

She’s your mum, it’s shitty. My mum would drop everything in a heartbeat because she would want to help her sick child and let her rest/recover. Mine actually coming tomorrow - from two hours away - to help look after baby as I am also ill. Next time she needs help from you, tell her no.

Your husband has failed his wife and kids here.
Ick.

You see my DH and father of our children did that, he would never have expected anyone else to do that role! Certainly not travelling two hours!

OP needs help on Tuesday, best she cancels that! Let’s DM know it’s reciprocal agreement and therefore she’s never going to help her, so she can’t accept 9 hours childcare every Tuesday!

Did you think to offer to swap your Mum's day i.e. she did the ' sick ' day and didn't need to do next Tuesday ?

Why didn't it occur to any of you for your husband to call in ' sick ' to work, rather than saying his wife is sick. He could have d+v and need to be off for 48 hours.

If hazard a guess (although I may be wrong!) that it’s easier to be at work than look after two DC and a sick wife… 🤷‍♀️

And in fairness it’s really a woman’s work (the DM) to do that, isn’t it?

🤦‍♀️

You get a huge amount of help. I’m a stay at home parent with a husband often out of the country for work and zero family help. Be bloody grateful for how much your Mum does! Why can’t your husband take a day off? Or you could just parent like the rest of us with no help vs being bitchy to your mother.

I think it’s the way you worded the op. You did fine across as quite entitled.
With further explanation then a one off request in an emergency isn’t unreasonable.

At one point when my second daughter was an infant, I was suicidal in a psych ward. So, yes, I might have actually not survived.

Husband? Dad? FIL? Where are all the men here?

If my child was ill and struggling with two tiny children, i'd drop everything and help. What is wrong with society now, these comments are wow.

Again, if I was sick when our two children were ill, my DH and father of our children dropped everything! What is wrong with fathers these days?

Sadly people cannot just take a day off if the person at home is off colour. The op's dm on the other hand could have easily missed a gym sesh.

Some people have very responsible jobs and can't drop everything.

The problem with society is the misogyny which expects women to take more responsibility for other people's children, than men do for their own.

But they can take a day off for parental care? OP was not apparently “off colour” she’s very ill?

If she’s off colour, she can get on with it!

I would do it for my child. I think your mum is being really harsh and inflexible. Hope you’re ok x

Some people expect others to raise their children, and don’t accept responsibility for them!

OP has not made it sound like her DHs job is soooooo important he couldn’t take just the morning off, until the DM covered in the afternoon.